Fumbling Towards Ecstasy-Part 1

"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"
by Court

Author's note: Thanks SOOO much to Laurie, Melody, and Jaz, not to mention all the wonderful people out there who sent such wonderful feedback from my first DC fic, "Final Cut." This one is for you guys! I love writing and reading DC fic. This one was pretty tough to write, so I have to thank Laurie again. Thanks for putting up with all my nagging questions, and for the wonderful suggestions. I really could never have done this without you. :o) I hope you'll continue to be my beta reader. I've got many DC fanfic ideas, that just won't leave me alone! <g> One last note: Laura, hope you enjoy this. Happy Birthday sweetie!
Rating: light R (language, mature talk, adult situations...)
SPOILERS: Breaking Away, Pretty Woman, Emotions in Motion. (Mainly just Breaking Away)
Classification: D/Jo Romance, Drama, Wit
Disclaimer: Wouldn't I just love to own Dawson and Joey and Pacey! I wish I did. They belong to this generation's John Hughes, Kevin Williamson and The WB. Not to mention James, Katie, and Josh. And Laura? Well, Laura belongs to Laura. (Although I'd bet the farm she'd do anything to belong to Josh!!! <g>)
Feedback: Dcreeker98@aol.com
The title is a song by Sarah McLachlan. The lyrics are posted at the end.

***
"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"
by Court
***




Joey got out of her rowboat and hopped up onto the dock. She smiled to herself when she looked up and saw Dawson's profile in the window. He was sitting on the bed waiting for her to arrive. Just the thought of Dawson these days made her smile. She quickly walked over to the ladder and started to climb what she affectionately called the "Stairway to Heaven."

Dawson looked up from his bed as he heard the familiar creak of the ladder. He felt his heartbeat speed up as he awaited her arrival.

"Hey Jo," he called out softly as she entered his room. He sat up on the bed, turning to look at her. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Joey looked down at her crumpled clothes, brought her hands up to her head to smooth out her fly-away hair, and let out a big sigh.

"Two words, Dawson. The baby."

"Ah, I should have known," he smiled, getting up off the bed.

"I look like such a mess," she said sighing. "I don't even know why I came over here tonight looking like this. I'm sure you don't want to see your girlfriend looking like some bum off the street."

Dawson laughed and walked toward her. "Joey, you don't look like a bum off the street. Besides even if you were a bum off the street, you'd be the best looking one. And, I'd still love you." He smiled gently, putting his hands gently on her shoulders.

"You're a good liar, Dawson-- But thanks anyway."

He thought for a moment before replying, trying to size up just how much sleep she had recently. Not to mention how much self-control he had within himself tonight. "Joey, you can take a shower here. I mean, if you want to. I'll let you borrow some of my clothes to sleep in."

Joey slinked her arm around Dawson and hugged him. Dawson missing no oppurtunity given to him, leaned in for a kiss. Giving him a look, Joey backed away just as his lips were to touch hers._

"Not yet, Dawson. Do you really want to kiss someone who smells like spit-up baby food?"

He looked at her for another second before kissing her on the cheek, and then taking two giant steps away from her. "When you put it that way..."

"You pig!" she said, pretending to be outraged. He paused before grabbing her and throwing her on the bed. She squealed as he began to tickle her.

"Come on...Dawson! I give! Mercy...please let me go!!" she shouted between fits of laughter. Both of their faces were flushed from laughing so hard. They collapsed on his bed, with Dawson slightly on top of Joey. His arms went around her and he pulled her close. Joey ran her fingers through his hair and sighed contentedly. They looked deeply into each others eyes, and Joey trailed a finger along his jawline slowly.

"Uh, Jo?" Dawson mumbled, looking at Joey laying under him.

"Yeah?"

"You better go take that shower now, because I have a feeling I'm going to need a cold one if you don't get off me RIGHT NOW."

"Why, Dawson?" She smiled provocatively. "Am I getting you all hot and bothered?" she teased.

"Well, in a word, Jo. YES."

She smiled triumphantly. "Good."

They smiled uneasily, and avoided each others eyes as they released their grasps on each other.

"You're evil," Dawson said as he walked over to his bureau. He pulled out a long shirt and handed it to her.

"Yeah, but it's fun," she replied, grinning at him.

"Go on, get out of here and take that shower. And try to be quiet too, because my parents are asleep. Well, at least I think they are 'cause I haven't heard any moaning and groaning coming from their bedroom. Thank God."

She laughed, and then became serious. "Thanks, Dawson. Thanks for being so good to me."

"I don't even know why I am, when you're so evil toward me. Oh yeah, I remember now." He grinned and then added seriously, "It's because I love you."

She smiled happily and headed toward the door. He climbed back on the bed and turned the TV on. She stopped for a moment and turned around. "Did you script that?"

He grinned. "Completely ad-libbed."

"Wow, Dawson. We're making progress, huh?" With that she turned around and left the room, laughing softly.

"Yeah, we are, Joey. We really are."
***

There were some really good movies on TV that night but Dawson wasn't into any of them. Joey was still taking her shower, and he just sat there thinking.

Things were great between him and Joey, ever since that first kiss that fateful night_. They finally let the walls down and stopped playing stupid, childish games.

Dawson had always known that he loved her. He probably had known since the moment that they met. Okay, so maybe he hadn't known instantly that they were destined to be together, but he felt that certain special spark between them. When he was faced with her leaving him, he panicked. He couldn't imagine a life without Joey. She was the one who put the smile on his face, and the sparkle in his eyes. No one could do that. No one, but his Joey. When he finally realized how stupid he had been by avoiding and burying his feelings for her, that's when things became greater than he could have ever hoped. He told her he wanted her to stay, and he kissed her. It was the most earth-shattering kiss, he was sure that he'd never share a kiss like that one again. When his advanced vocabulary had failed him, he relied on action and instinct. He didn't listen to his head, he listened to his heart. When they finally broke the lengthy kiss, she asked 'why?' His head spun with logical explanations, easy excuses, but he didn't want to use them. It would break both their hearts. And it wasn't the truth. So he kissed her again. She pushed him back, and again asked 'why?' This time he took her hand and placed it on his heart.

"Do you feel this?" he asked. "My heart beats for you. It always has, and it always will."

She gasped and took a sharp inhale of breath. "Are you..., uh..."

"It seems that now I'm rendering you completely speechless."

She laughed, remembering what he had said that night on the dock after the pageant. She searched his face for any signs of doubt. Anything that would make sense of what he had just said to her. This was just too good to be true. She was so used to disappointment.

"Dawson, is this real?" she asked softly.

"Why do you ask that?" he replied just as softly, reaching out to touch her face.

"Well, I mean, are you sure this isn't some movie we're both stuck in? It just seems so weird that after all this time..."

"I never said I was smart, Jo. I may be totally self-aware of myself, and know too many big words," he grinned, "but I have always been completely clueless when it comes to love."

Joey's face fell and she tore her eyes away from his, sadly.

"Until now," he finished. Joey swallowed and nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

"God, why is it that it's so hard for me to say this?" Dawson asked. "In the movies, it seems so easy. Before you say anything Jo, I know this isn't a movie.__ This is real life. And real life is hard, and not scripted. I know that... Why does it all come down to three little words? Does life change after they're said? Should life change? I want to say them. It's just,...it's scary, Jo."

"Then don't say them. I feel them too, Dawson. I feel what those three little words mean. It is scary to say them. I'm not scared because I'm afraid they aren't true. My feelings are true. Maybe now's not the right time to say them?"

Dawson took her in his arms and kissed her again. "You're so smart, and so beautiful, Jo. You mean everything to me." He looked around his room and back at her again. Her head was laid against his chest and her eyes were closed. She looked so relaxed and everything felt so natural. "Maybe now is the right time after all...," he murmured. She looked up at him, eyes wide.

"I don't need candles. I don't need moonlit walks on the beach. I don't need poems. I don't need flowers. I don't need perfect lighting. I don't need mood music. I don't need scripts... I just need you." He took a deep breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, to paraphrase with our suddenly wise friend Pacey, I am totally head in the clouds, ass backwards, over the moon in love with you." He smiled and continued shakily. "I love you, Joey."

He looked at her lovingly and leaned over to kiss her passionately on the lips. He wanted her to feel how much he loved her. Joey kissed him back with everything she had in her. She felt like she was on cloud nine. Maybe she was.

When they pulled apart Joey stayed within Dawson's arms. "It's about time," she smiled. "I love you, Dawson."
***

Back to My fic