***
About an hour later, Dawson still couldn't sleep. He was so restless. All he wanted to do was hold Joey close. He looked over at her, wondering what she was thinking about. Was she dreaming? Was she even asleep?
Dawson touched her lightly on the shoulder and leaned close to her. He could hear her crying softly and realized that her shoulders were shaking. Fighting back his own tears he wrapped his arms around her and held her until the sobs subsided.
It felt awkward, with him holding her so tenderly, *in bed*, but Joey didn't care about that. She had tried to fall asleep but everything she thought of made her think of her mother, and she felt so much worse when she did that.
"Jo?" he whispered. When she didn't answer him back, he held her tighter in his arms and finally the crying seemed to stop. She pulled away from his embrace and wiped her eyes.
"Talk to me. It'll make you feel better. Okay?" he smoothed her hair back from her face. The guesture was a little too tender so he scooted back over to his side of the bed and waited for her to say something. She sighed, and snuggled back onto her side.
"I... Do you remember my great grandmother's wake, Dawson?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, that's all I can think about. My mother is gone. I'm going to have to bury my own mother..." she trailed off, sadly, fighting back tears again. "I remember going to my great grandmother's wake. Gran had gotten real sick. I knew she was going to die soon. She was in her 90's after all. I had accepted the fact that she was going to be gone from my life. I had never been to a funeral or a wake, though. I listened to what my aunts and uncles, and my mom told me. The day of the wake, I thought I was emotionally ready. I knew it was going to be sad, but I didn't think I would cry. I thought I would be doing the comforting. It was my mother's grandmother after all. Not mine. Because Gran was my great grandmother, we were never really close. I mean, I loved her, of course. But I only saw her maybe once or twice a year, and we never really talked... Anyway, I still can remember that wake so vividly. I walked into the funeral home and the first thing I remember about it was the smell. It didn't smell bad. It just had a funny type of smell. It was weird. The second I stepped inside I longed for fresh air... When we got inside I went to sign the guestbook and my aunt pointed out the room. I looked up and I saw my Gran sitting up in the coffin with a smile painted on her face. I thought I was going to faint..."
"I remember Jo. I remember I came with my parents, and saw your face as you walked in the room. It was all I could do, not to go up and hug you."
Joey smiled against her pillow. "Thanks...I wish you had. It was so hard. I walked up the coffin and all I could think of was that I was standing in front of a dead person. I know that sounds weird, but that's how I felt. She didn't look like my Gran. She looked like a fake,... a fake... I don't know! She just looked fake to me. Do you know what I mean?"
Dawson nodded his head. "Yeah, Jo. I know."
"Anyway I looked around the room and I didn't see you right away. I just saw a bunch of strangers. All second cousins and long lost relatives that I had never met before. I went up to look at the flowers to get away from it all, and I just... I lost it. Do you know that the number one thing that I fear the most, is death? That feeling of loss and hurt, like I felt today when I received the news..."
"Joey, I know it's hard. You'll find a way to get through this. I promise you. I'm here for you if you need me. You are not alone in this. Okay? And, I understand how you feel. Losing someone you know, and are close to is the worst thing in the world. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But it will get easier. You just have to trust that."
Joey sniffled and wrapped her arms around herself. "I know, I know. I just wish it would stop hurting. Thanks, Dawson. Thanks for being my friend."
"You're welcome, Jo. I love ya, you know? I care about what happens to you. You're my best friend."
Joey smiled her first real smile of the day. "Thanks, Dawson."
Joey felt closed her eyes and thought about what a good friend he is, and how he had helped her tonight. She felt so safe in his arms. It felt so right when he hugged her, and he kissed her...
"Dawson?" she whispered.
He stirred in the bed. "Yeah?"
"Did you like kissing me?"
He was wide awake now. "What, Jo?"
"I mean, what did you think about it? Did it feel good?"
Dawson knew she wasn't joking and tried to answer as truthfully as possible. "Would you think of me as any less than a friend if I said yes?"
Joey thought about that for a moment. "No."
His mind raced, wondering why she has chosen now to ask this. She remains quiet and Dawson doesn't want to press the issue. After a moment she speaks again.
"I liked it too. I liked it because it was with you, and it made me feel alive. Dawson, all I feel right now, is dead inside."
Dawson doesn't know how to respond to that. Joey waits a moment, and then slips her eyes shut.
A few minutes later, she feels something on the back of her neck. Something warm, soft, and something that feels very good. It feels like Dawson's lips, kissing her. She opens her eyes, convinced it was a dream, but then she feels it again. This time in her hair. She doesn't move and Dawson stops for a moment, and then she turns around and faces him.
"Joey, I don't want you to feel dead inside. Let me help you feel alive," he whispers. She stares at him and doesn't know what to say. She wants Dawson to make her feel better, but he's her best friend. They shouldn't be doing this. However, Joey is so tired, and all she wants right now is to feel his lips on her again.
"Dawson, I... Okay."
He leans close to her and his lips capture hers in a sweet slow kiss. Their lips are barely touching. After a while he pulls back and places kisses on her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, everywhere. Joey closes her eyes and focuses on him, and how he's making her feel. His lips find her mouth again and he kisses her. This time the kiss is more passionate. He slowly slides his tongue across her lips and she opens her mouth to him. Gently and passionately they kiss. She leans into his embrace and his arms circle around her waist, protectively. Joey clings for dear life to him. He affectionately runs his fingers through her hair. She kisses him back with all the emotion and feeling she has left in her body. After awhile the intensity of their kisses starts to slow down. Neither say a word, and they drift off to sleep peacefully.
***
