Stonewall and Teflon (1/1)
by Court
Spoilers: Crazy and the whole M&M relationship.
Rating: PG
Category: M&M angsty!
Distrubution: Ask! It's about to go up on my site-http://walk.to/candyland
Thanks to my EW list. Especially Bella!! <hugs>
Feedback: PixieChix2000@aol.com please! I worked really hard on this to get
Maria's characterization just right. I love that pixie chix!
Summary: This is my take on events that happened right after Crazy that
night, and the morning after. It's all M&M and from Maria's POV. Enjoy!
***
"Maria, I've been waiting for this my whole life."
"So have I!"
-Crazy
****
I really thought that was it. When those two cars showed up, effectively
surrounding the six of us, I thought we were gonners for certain. But
instead, it was just the opposite. The sheriff and doctor had come to help
us, not hurt us. So, we were able to leave the entirely too dark woods and
return home.
Michael drove, of course. I let him; I was shaking so bad and was in no shape
to get behind the wheel of mom's Jetta. She'd kill me if something happened
to it. I don't think she's entirely over that whole Marathon trip thing. I
tried to tell her I was at Liz's for the night, but she can always tell by my
face when I'm lying. I'm not that good at the whole stone wall thing.
He was silent the whole way back, and all I could do was stare at him. Hair
darting in every direction, mouth slightly agape, white-knuckling the
steering wheel...those intense eyes and so soft lips... Thank god I had gone
into the back of the Crashdown when I did. Liz, Max and the gang might not
have followed us, probably drawing the attention of the sheriff. What if
Topolsky had met him and endangered him somehow... He probably wouldn't be
sitting here next to me right now.
I can hardly bear to think about it all. I knew what I was getting into. I
knew how passionate and intense he was about finding out where he
came from. I was literally abducted by him after all. Ah, what a wonderful
way to start a relationship...
But, I knew it would come down to this. Maybe that's what kept us apart so
long? I can't bear to see someone I care about hurt. That's why I was so
worried about Liz after the shooting. She and Alex have been my best friends
forever. What would I do without them? They were even there when Dad left. I
guess that's why I was so scared for Michael tonight. First, there was the
whole "restoring his balance" ritual when he was virtually in some kind of
gross coccoon-type alien coma..., and now this.
Michael's not just one of the three anymore. Even before our trip to Marathon
and the nookie motel, he was something more.
Okay, I admit it. I liked the alien freak. Some nights he'd just sit in the
Crashdown for hours on end, drinking the same bottomless cup of coffee, and
watching the world pass him by through guarded eyes. The only time he became
animated, I observed, was when his closest (and probably only) best friends,
Max and Isabel, stopped by. It used to unnerve me how he'd stay till closing
time, brooding and staring silently into his cup. But, he was fascinating to
me. Finally, here was a guy I could identify with. He was lonely like me.
Every relationship I've had with guys (except for Alex. But, he's
different....he's Alex!) ended in disaster and heartache. Just like my
mother's relationships.
First there was Jimmy Peters in 7th grade at Kyle Valenti's make-out birthday
party. 7 minutes in heaven was anything but. Sorry, buddy, but my idea of
heaven is not being locked in a dark closet with your cold and sweaty hands
groping my legs and chest. That relationship ended as quickly as it
began-with a swift kick to the groin. Poor Jimmy, but he deserved it.
Then there was the utterly forgettable Doug Saun in 8th grade. His tongue
felt like a squirming fish in my mouth. Not that I'd had much experience, but
I was pretty sure that french kissing was supposed to feel better than that!
After the third date with him slurping my neck in the back of a darkened
movie theater, when I realized I was more into the movie than him, I ended it
right there.
Why did I get stuck with all the touchy-feely freaks and Liz got mooned over
by half of our class? Was there something like really wrong with me? Is that
why all the guys in my life sucked so much? Is that why they didn't want me?
I guess I should thank good ole Dad for leaving mom and me when I was so
young. He really cemented my faith in men. Thanks Daddy, wherever you are.
Sounds kinda shocking, huh? Kooky and bubbly Maria, total cynic...
Abandonment and fear of never really being loved does that to you. I guess I
like my role as the wacky sidekick to Liz and Alex because I can act happy
and weird, and they don't think anything of it. Truth is, I've never told
anyone this, but sometimes I feel anything but happy.
But, everything changed when Liz was shot. All I saw was blood and her
lifeless body on the ground. I was terrified and thought I was losing another
person in my life. Then, a miracle happened. Max went over to her and did the
Samantha-Jeannie-alien thing and poof, she was alive. Thus, complicating both
our lives in the process.
I owe a lot to Max for that. He saved my best friend, and ended up letting me
in on their little secret, bringing me closer to the enigma known as Michael
Guerin.
Once I got to know him better, all I wanted to do was smack him! Stupid
Spaceboy was so infuriating. Always thinking he knew what was best, and
acting spontaneously. He didn't think twice about kidnapping me on his vision
quest to Marathon, Texas. He probably thought I wouldn't put up much fuss,
and that his brooding alien-ness would intimidate me. Boy, was he surprised
when I put up a fight the whole way there. I'm not like Liz. I say what's on
my mind, when it's on my mind. Too bad if Spaceboy didn't like it.
But, something weird and unexpected happened when we finally stopped at that
skanky motel. When I admitted that I was scared and wanted to go home, he
looked at me with different eyes. Compassionate eyes. There was something
there, and I had to know what it was. I was already wildly attracted to the
guy, not that I'd EVER tell him that though. Physically, he's totally
flawless, and his passion was so intense it was overwhelming. I've never met
anyone like him before. All the boys I knew were too busy worrying about what
type of car to buy to attract the chicks... Michael was different. I wanted
to be a part of his intense passion. I wanted him to be that crazy about me.
So, I dug deeper and pushed all his buttons, and let him get to know mine. He
told me how important his alien heritage was to him. I told him things
I'd never even shared with Lizzie... about how I used to fantasize about Dad
coming back to whisk me and Mom away from Roswell, New Mexico to a better
life. Michael understood me, and I began to realize that his tough defenses
were just that-defenses. Underneath, Spaceboy was a vulnerable bowl of mush.
And then... there was the kiss-or should I say, kisses... Okay, okay, a
little more than kissing went on, but my virginity is still very much in
tact. Thank you very much! But anyway... Finally, a guy who knew how to kiss!
I don't know if it was his alien genes, or what... But, his kisses and
caresses were so explosive I felt tingly all over. I felt his passion again,
but this time it was for me. I'd dream of him almost every night, I was so
infatuated. Our meetings between clases in the eraser room were definitely my
idea of seven minutes in heaven!
I was falling hard, and no matter how much he proclaimed to be a "stone
wall," I knew he falling for me too. He came to ME when he was hurting and
lost. Sure, I was in the middle of hating him, but one look at those sad
puppy dog eyes and I was lost too. I was also falling deeper in love with him
each day. No matter how often he broke my heart.
Now, he says he won't run from us anymore. We're together. He wants us to be
close too. And, let me tell you, it's the most euphoric feeling on earth. His
kisses, lustful looks, and sweet words... I was on cloud nine for a few weeks
before tonight. But, once again he has to go and screw it up...
Okay, I'm being too harsh. It's my fault for expecting too much. Michael is
Spaceboy... No matter how much I want him to be just Michael, I can't change
him. I don't want to, honest. I just wish things would be easier for us. I
see how Max and Liz are, and I know we're that happy too, but I just want to
show it more, that's all! Anyway, that doesn't matter to me anymore. Tonight
it all changed. He's always going to be looking for a way out. No matter how
much I feel he loves me, and wants to be with me, if his spaceship came he'd
leave. I can accept that, but I can't live in constant fear for him. If not
Topolsky, then someone else would be endangering him. Instead of fantasizing
about him at night, I have nightmares that he's being hurt now.
I just want it to be over... but I know, it never will be.
***
It's always dark in Michael's apartment, even during the day time. I guess
after years of living in the darkness of Hank's trailer, he got accustomed to
shutting the light out. He doesn't have much money to fix up the place (but
thankfully that god awful dead animal smell has faded), so he covered the
windows with dark sheets.
I stay over once in awhile when mom goes away for the weekend to one of her
alien themed conventions. I always felt like I was intruding on the Parkers
when Liz invited me to stay, but with Michael it's different. I feel very at
home most of the time. Sometimes we lay together on the couch watching TV and
it's just so comfortable. I especially didn't want to go home last night
after everything that happened before and after we got back to his place.
I guess you could say I threw myself at him.
I admit that I'm a bit spontaneous and over excitable at times, but this was
something totally different. I wasn't totally lust driven, it was a different
type of feeling that drove me to fling myself into his arms, desperately
clawing at our clothing. I needed him to touch me, to assure me that he was
still here with me. I wanted a piece of him that I'd always remember when he
was gone. I was fearful for both our lives.
As I proceeded to strip off my waitress uniform and press my skin fully
against his, I broke down into tears again. I wanted to be with him so much.
I needed him. My salty tears streamed down my face but I continued to kiss
him until he noticed. That was when he wordlessly got a blanket from his
couch, wrapped me in it, and carried me into his bedroom where I now lay.
I don't know how I can deal with this anymore. Everytime I think I can handle
it, something like this happens and I flake out. I thought being a real
couple that went on dates and sent each other cheesy love notes and heaping
bouquets of flowers would bring us closer together. But, I'm afraid...
I'm not enough for him.
I glance over at him besides me. Breathing peacefully as he sleeps. I still
can't get over that almost smile on his face when he sleeps. Ugh, stupid
Spaceboy. Why'd you make me fall in love with you? Was it your alien voodoo
that had me feeling your kisses all the way to my toes? Why did I let you
complicate my life like this?
Maria DeLuca is teflon. Ever since dear dad left, I've been able to suck it
up, and deal with all the hard stuff without getting hurt. Like I told Liz,
when Michael starts acting like a total loser I just leave. But, no matter
how much I'd like to believe that's true, I can't ever get him off my mind.
Now I've finally met my match in the form of a sarcastic, deeply wounded
spiky alien. I'm crumbling his walls and he's making me feel not so much like
teflon anymore.
***
"Hey," he almost incoherently mumbles, rolling over and pulling me along with
him, closer to the warmth of his body. This is what I love. Moments like
these when all his defenses and stonewalls are down. Moments where we're not
constantly talking about his planet and looking over our shoulders to catch
people who want to hurt us. I like it when it's just him and me in Maria and
Michael-land.
It's moments like these that break my heart.
I reach my hands up to his head, combing through his mussed hair. I used to
think that his wild spiky hair was an obstacle to our relationship. I mean,
seriously, did he want the world to know he was an alien? No HUMAN in their
right mind would style their hair that way. Even in my dreams I'd have his
hair slicked back or to the side... But now, I don't know. It grew on me when
I discovered how soft it felt, and I loved how it tickled my neck and chest
when he kissed me.
All of a sudden his alarm goes off and his mood changes. He unslings his arm
from around me and starts to get up. I stare after him. What, is he going to
treat this as just another normal day?
"Michael," I can hear the break in my voice. He must too because he looks at
me with pain in his eyes.
"I gotta take a shower. You should get up too."
I can't believe this. What is this? Doesn't he remember last night?
Suddenly, the fear in the pit of my stomach has turned into anger. I pull
back the covers and clumsily crawl to the end of the bed, and stand across
from him. He gives me a wary look. That's right buddy, you're not gonna get
away from Maria DeLuca that easily!
"So, is this how it's always going to be?" I'm so angry I could spit. He just
keeps staring at me much like he did in the wood shop when I blew up at him.
Stupid infuriating Spaceboy! Why does he keep staring at me like that? I
glance down... Note to self: When angrily hopping out of bed (last night
ripping off your clothes,) remember to cover up in the morning. Well, it's
not like Michael hasn't seen these bra and panties before.
"I mean, like hello, last night you were ready to sacrifice yourself and
leave me and everyone-"
"I wasn't leaving you," he interupts, looking over my shoulder at a
nonexistent spot on the wall.
"Will you just let me talk for a minute?"
He smirks. "If I did that, you'd never stop."
That's it. I push him back on the bed so he's sitting and I'm leaning over
him. He better listen now. I don't make speeches in my underwear that often.
"Okay, so you weren't leaving me. But, Michael, what were you doing? You
risked all our lives. If Valenti hadn't shown up... I mean, if Topolsky was
there and she wanted to hurt you. Then what? I just can't deal with this
anymore," I sigh tiredly.
He looks up at me quickly and then darts his gaze away. "Fine, then don't. I
didn't ask you to."
Now I feel like Max, who I so wanted to throttle last night. Yeah, Michael
was being a bonehead but he SHOULDN'T have hit him. Not after what Isabel
told me about Hank hurting him. I don't want Michael to have to feel that
hurt ever again.
I feel like Max because I'm making him feel like he's not good enough for me.
When it's exactly the opposite.
"Michael, I'm scared, okay? I want us to be close. I want us to have the
whole Max/Liz thing, well, without the gooey stuff, you know what I mean? I
want to try this relationship thing in our own way till we get it right. But,
I have to know that you're in it too. I just... um, I need to know I'm enough
for you," I look over his shoulder now, not wanting him to see the tears in
my eyes.
Then I feel it. His soft lips brushing against my stomach, giving me a tender
kiss. I look down startled by his sudden affection. He gives me a meaningful
look, wanting me to read his eyes so he doesn't have to say the words I know
are true. We haven't said them yet, and that's okay with me. I feel them and
that's all that matters.
Michael's arms wrap around my waist and I thread my fingers through his hair
where is rests against my stomach. We stay like that for awhile. I sniffle
back the sobs. Finally, I release him and he pulls me down onto his lap.
"Maria, you're TOO MUCH for me sometimes," he says with a teasing glint in
his gentle eyes.
There goes the stonewall and teflon. I can't help but love this stupid
Spaceboy.
