Yo mama's so FAT: 1- she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
2- when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
3- she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
4- her favorite dress is a tent.
5- she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops.
6- she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
7- she needs a building permit for her girdle.
8- she puts on her belt with a boomerang.
9- she puts on tampons with a bazooka.
10- she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller.
11- she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon.
12- she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
13- she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel.
14- she rolled over four quarters and made it a dollar.
15- when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose.
16- the Department of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign.
17- when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please".
18- when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued..."
19- when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock".
20- the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
21- the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
22- when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
23- she eats Wheat THICKS.
24- when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight.
25- she has her own zip code.
26- the phone company gave her two area codes.
27- she walked past the TV and I missed 3 commercials.
28- people jog around her for exercise.
29- when she puts on her clothes, they beg for mercy.
30- when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!"
31- when she wears a red dress, kids run after her cuz they think it's the Kool Aid Man.
32- when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.
33- she shows up on radar.
34- when she auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball.
35- she couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates.
36- they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping ... and they still hit the ground.
37- she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay!"
38- when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again."
39- when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
40- when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains".
41- when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
42- when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!" Willy freed her.
43- she makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac.
44- the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds.
45- when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun.
46- when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean.
47- when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D".
48- she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
49- she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship.
50- she doesn't wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs.
51- she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
52- her senior picture had to be an aerial view.
53- she has to fly cargo class.
54- when she puts on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD".
55- she has to wear a sock on each toe.
56- she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat.
57- the AIDS quilt can't cover her.
58- the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
59- she qualifies for group insurance.
60- when she steps on gum, she can tell you what flavor it is.
61- the shadow of her ass weighs 50 lbs.
62- she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button.
63- her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does.
64- when I swerved to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas.
65- you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
66- even God can't lift her spirits.
67- God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
68- her nickname is "DAAAMN!".
69- she sells shade in the summer.
70- cows graze by her for the shade.
71- when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her.
72- she got on an airplane and only the wings took off.
73- when she told the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on her ass and put her on the runway!
74- the airport categorizes her ass as carry-on luggage.
75- she lost at Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
76- she could be the eighth continent.
77- she farted and put herself into orbit.
78- I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
79- I gotta ride a bus and two trains to get on her good side.
80- when your family wants to watch home movies, they dress her in white and seat her in front.
81- when she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign that says amount of people served.
82- her ass has got more meat than a freezer at Price-Costco.
83- her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud.
84- I got rich by making her sit on coal.
85- the only thing attracted to her is gravity.
86- small objects tend to orbit her.
87- she's got tan lines from the refridgerator light.
88- her belly button's got an echo.
89- I'm jealous of yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has!
90- I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
