Yo mama's so UGLY: 1- your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye.
2- she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
3- when she tried joining an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
4- Rice Krispies won't talk to her.
5- she makes blind kids cry.
6- she makes onions cry.
7- I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.
8- when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back.
9- the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train.
10- the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down.
11- when she looks in the mirror, her pimples popped back in.
12- when she gets up, the sun goes down.
13- the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
14- on Halloween, people go as her.
15- she has to "Trick or Treat" over the phone.
16- instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
17- when she walked into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.
18- when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
19- when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it."
20- when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
21- they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies.
22- when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back."
23- they put her in the zoo to keep the monkeys from jerking off.
24- they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
25- the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her.
26- she's got little circles all over her body from people touching her with 10-foot poles.
27- her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her.
28- her mom had to tie a steak around her neck so the dogs would play with her.
29- her mom had to feed her with a slingshot.
30- her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel.
31- her American Express card left home without her.
32- they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty.
33- when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
34- when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows.
35- her parents first named her "Accident".
36- they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
37- she must've been born on the freeway -- that's where most accidents happen.
38- when I see her, she reminds me of Taco Bell -- Run for the Border!
39- she took your dog to the Canine Show and won ... your dog came in second.
40- I saved her life by killing a shit-eating dog on the way over.
41- condom advocates wanted to use her as a poster child.
42- she makes me wish birth control is retroactive.
