Super jokes for all occasions!
When horses are born, their wings are clipped and the shell is removed
from the back. Wouldn't want to confuse them with giant flying shell
fish!!!!!
Three little pigs named Pig #1, Pig #2 and Jack Onion were on their way
to market when they devised a cunning plan.
"Let's use Jack Onion's onion-like attributes and escape!"
Jack Onion replied
"My name may be Jack Onion, but I am not actually an onion - I'm a pig
just like you two"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call man who lives within a wheelbarrow?
He was 'building' his way to success!!!!
Jackson took her baby son 'TennisBoy' into the shop to buy some
mittens.
The trouble was, the mittens in this shop were soft - she wanted her
son to grow up to be a hard-man, so softness would not do. The same
went for a bonnet and shoes - only soft babies clothes. This would not
do at all, thought Jackson.
And he did grow up to be hard - by the age of 12, he was transformed
into cement by a witch!!
Lom Pantana was wired and he needed an outage for his built up rage.
Smashing some windows would be perfect - the trouble is, he never once
gave a thought to the owners of the houses whose windows he smashed...
they would be the ones that would pay the real price for one man's
anger!
There was an onion maestro from Nagambie
Who looked just like his counterpart
Confusion abound
As they travelled the ground
In a giant salamander named 'Peter Lopez'
There is water in mouth. Who put it there? Was it water from Judith's
bottle? As I sit here in relative darkness, I fumble at the keys of my
organ... to create a masterpiece, only to have a mouth filled to the
brim with water. With water in my mind I write this ; a note to
whomever is there. Spare a thought for me - 'Logan Thistle', the next
time you take a swig.
Montalban and T-chip were enjoying their new jobs aboard the aeroplane
'Spanish Queen'. Montalban had secured a job as Flight attendant and
T-chip had gotten himself a position as the navigator. Everyday,
T-chip
would 'navigate' his way to Montalban, who would in turn 'attend' to
T-chip. This led to all manner of trouble!
In the early 20's airports didn't have baggage handlers or security
staff. They were still using robots back then.
During the bronze age when man had began his long road toward
civilization and away from savagery, man would portray his manhood in a
competitive game of 'stand near a young calf'.
Let's just say that sometimes, this happened with 'surprising'
results!!!
Contrary to visual fact, the slug is an amalgamation of snail and dog
hormones given form.
When slugs give birth, their infants are known as young slugs.
Ever wonder why slugs 'melt' when exposed to salt? The goo you see is
infact the aftermath of the canine transformation initiation procedure.
The 'slug' will ooze into the earth, whereby it grows and turns into
what we call a dog.
The aftermath of dog? That is akin to becoming a flamingo, or in the
flamingo's case : a big bag.
Onion Jokes!
DiAvalo the puritan entered Mr Pipe's Onion Emporium and enquired about
the possibility of an onion equivalent - a creation for those
ill-equipt
to deal with real onions. The cashier, a man by the name of Montalban
shouted to Mr Pipe who quickly appeared from behind some drapes.
Horace
Pipe was hurt by the question. The thought of a non-onion onion?
The day before these events, Mr Pipe had been trying to cut his
decrepid mother's hair. He wasn''t getting very far though - he had to
'onion' try again!!!!!!
It was a special day for Horace Pipe. The Mayor of Mulhatten was
visiting the Onion Emporium. He had Montalban and T-Chip make
everything spik-and-span. The mayor and his entourage arrived and had
a
quick look over the emporium's onion collection. With a smile, the
mayor turned to leave. Suddenly Horrace 'piped' up and said;
"You can't leave until you've seen our 'valet onion' " The mayor was
intriged and so had a quick look at this 'valet onion'. He was
partially impressed and turned to leave, when a voice from behind him
said;
"You can't leave until you've seen our 'valet onion' ". Well the mayor
was quite sure that he had just seen it, but perhaps it was a different
one.
He walked over to Mt Pipe who stood over the display. It was the same
one as the mayor had just seen.
Mr Mayor turned once again to leave when he heard :
"You can't leave until you've seen our 'valet onion' ".
'These people must have onions on the brain' thought the mayor of
Mulhatten ! ! !
What do you call an onion inside a tomato?
The 'Onmato' within!
Lemax CuFarmer hd noticed two characters in his garden in the early
spring morning. He immediately recognised them as T-Chip and
Montalban.
Using his eyes, he saw they were stealing his onions.
"Let them have their onion and eat it" chuckled CuFarmer to himself as
he slipped another potato down his throat.
It was St Petersburg day in Mulhatten and to celebrate, Horace Pipe was
ready to take on a 4th member of staff. 3 people had come for an
interview. A young man named Casey, an elderly lady named BOOT and a
teenager called Mahedron.
T-Chip bet on BOOT getting the job whereas Montalban bet his money on
Casey. It shocked them both when the spotty young teen was given the
position. Rightfully enraged, they both complained to Mr Pipe about
giving this boy a job in the Onion Emporium. As it turned out - the
boy - Mahedron, was Mr Pipe's Son-ion.
T-Chip and Montalban had been arguing over which onion in the emporium
was the most enthralling. The argument soon broke down into a fight
and
Horace Pipe, the emporium's owner had to break it up. His wise words
effected both of the rudeboyz:
"Your favourite onion is good T-chip, and so is yours Montalban. When
it comes to the world of onions we all have our own OpiNIONS!"
The sun had rose and was casting a beautiful golden glow on the early
morning emporium. Mr Pipe's Onion Emporium was open for business at
7:30AM and it was already a hub of activity. A man had come in and had
requested 100 onions from 1952. T-Chip happily served the man, but in
the back of his mind nagged the question 'How many onions is too many'?
Drim Lagoon
Night slowly drew in at Drim lagoon. Poph and Jackson wandered the
shore and gasped as they saw a light coming from deep under the icy
waters. "Look at that light" exclaimed Poph. "It appears to be coming
from deep under the icy waters".
He glared at the dim glow for a few minutes and finally decided to
investigate. What he found was a shocking example of animal cruelty ;
a couple of locals had tied a torch to a carp.
It was the carp that was swimming under the surface of the lagoon,
whilst lighting it's way with a torch that they had seen. It had been
mysterious to begin with, but noiw the mystery was solved.
Phop and his wife Jackson were taking a jog around the perimeter of
Drim Lagoon. A car slowly pulled up outside of their holiday cabin and
a strange dark figure emerged, shrouded in darkness.
Looking accross Drim Lagoon, Phop noticed the car and leaped into Drim
Lagoon - swimming back to his cabin, unaware of the dangers beneath.
The character saw Phop and immediately climbed upon the roof, shouting
at Phop.
The roof of the cabin was weak and the man nearly fell through, if it
weren't for his expertise in the area of roofing. Phop had called him
the day before to fix the leaking roof and he would surely do a good
job.
Drim Lagoon, an uncompromising location. Far from the vigours of
everyday life. An escape for the modern man.
Phop and his wife Jackson were enjoying jam sandwiches for breakfast as
they looked out into the murkey waters of Drim Lagoon. They had just
enjoyed their first night at Drim Lagoon and were planning to
investigate the natural wonders of Drim Lagoon that afternoon - as long
as the weather stayed calm. After all - anything can happen at Drim
Lagoon!