Hello! Welcome to The Office of no last Morrows! We work a tight ship here - but we don't work with ships - we work with publishers! Enough about what we do, and more about the fun we have here! You never know what's going to happen next in this crazy place!!! Sometimes things get out of control! - something will happen and no one will realise for a little while! All types of people work here - from James, aged 19 to Jusleen aged 23! You see, with an assortment of people like that, things are bound to go crazy from time to time! For example - Jusleen's smelly trousers! Read all about them!
The 2004 pancake competition!
On November the 4th of 2004, we had a pancake competition here in the Office of no last morrows. Richard F, Richard C, Jusleen and James all took part. The turn out was spiffing, with good efforts to all. Well done guys! The general goal of the contest was to see who could bring in the most pancakes into work. The judge for the competition was the office manager, Lisa. Lets just say that the result was marvellous, shall we? Coming in last place was Richard F, whom brought in an impressive and yet paltry 6 pancakes. Joint runners up were Jusleen and Richard C, who both had 7 pancakes each - congratulations to those guys! But the winner - with ten pancakes was James! Going for a round number was an amazing idea - and it was one that ended in victory for the lad! Good work James! Lets keep that spirit up, and our work together will blossom like a field of sunflowers!
The Mystery of the Fife and Tayside road map + the curious smell
Now like any good office, we have two copies of the 'Fife and Tayside' road atlas - but you wouldn't think that looking around this place - you'd only find one! That's right - one of the maps has gone missing and your guess is as good as mine, as to where it's gone!!! Several days have gone by now and Richard C is convinced that something spooky is going on! The crazy thing about this missing book is that it was here one day - and the next day it was gone, as if it had disappeared into thin air. I'll update you on this mystery when I find out more!!! What's more, there is a curious smell in the office...
Guy Fawkes day disapearances
If you came to the office of no last morrows on November the 5th 2004, you'd think it was shut for the day - but it's not - it's just quiet!!! Where is everyone? Burning somewhere like Guy Falkes himself? At the cafe, gauging on chams? Not only has Jo taken an hour off, but James has taken the whole day off. That's a bit off! Luckily Both Richards and Jusleen were in to keep up the good work! Sometimes I wonder how this crazy place ever gets any work done - we're always having adventures!!
Local pregnancy shocker!
Shock news from Jusleen today, November 9th, with a startling statistic. Apparently, our local area has the highest rate of teenage pregnancies amongst the under 12 range. Perhaps an expert on the age range due to her visually representing the age of 12 herself, she constantly amazes the rest of the team with her intelligence. Jusleen found this shocking statistic through visiting her local teenage pregnancy discussion group. She also reveals that the main type of people to attend are chavs who get pregnant to get a house!
Friday Nov 12 : Sheffield location intrigue... and the source of the curious smell is revealed!
This would be a shocker, if it was a unique shock, but it seems that everything Jusleen spouts shares equal amounts of 'thoughtfulness'. "Sheffield is in Birmingham, isn't it?" she rasped this morning, whilst trying to locate an address, like a map crazy twit. This would be true if Sheffield moved 65 miles south! What a stupid girl!! And an update of the smell that's been lingering - it was discovered today that Jusleen has been wearing the same trousers for nearly a month!
That's disgusting, isn't it! Get rid of those smelly trousers Jusleen! She denies that they smell but we can tell otherwise! I hope she still isn't wearing them next week!!! 2 weeks is way too long to be wearing the same trousers - let alone 5 weeks!!!
Wed November 17 2004 : Left-over feast!
This afternoon we were treated to a feast of left-overs from the NFRN carnival. The curried chicken pieces were stuffed particularly quickly but as of now (2.50), there are several sandwiches left over, mainly Tuna, probably due to the fact that Tuna may contain traces of mercury and dolphin. The ham and cheese sandwiches were my particular favourite and I managed to gobble down 2.
The overall opinion was divided. Some were happy with the quality and quantity of the spread but others (68%) were disappointed at the lack of chams. We have contacted the Cham Promotion Board in order to notify them of this oversight and hope to have a conviction in the near future. Keep you posted. - Richard C
Thurs November 18 2004 : Atlas confusion!
Yesterday everything was going swell - when suddenly all hell broke loose! I was searching for an important location on the Worcestershire road map - when I realised that what I was looking for was not here!! After a brief moment of panic, I noticed that what I was looking for was in the Warwickshire atlas - and not the Worcestershire afterall! I've never known anything like it - It both caught me off guard and took me by surprise! When it comes to these maps, anything is possible! James tells me that a number of days ago, Jusleen had the same problem - and to this day, she hasn't solved it! Stupid Jusleen!
Jusleen's '13 month' error
According to Jusleen, there is a 13th month in the year named 'Ovalmard', which occurs between January and December the following year. This is either an attempt to grab attention from people who couldn't care less, or just the product of bad education.
Friday November 26, Alcoholic James
This morning we were all shocked when James admitted to the group that although 'clean' at the moment, in the past he has embarassed colleagues with drunkeness. Indeed on May 14th this year he turned up at work drunk after drinking all dinner time. Not happy with already being plastered, he continued to stick booze up his gob after crawling out of work, guzzling well into the early hours. With a smile on his face as he 'brags' about his exploits, he tell us that he's going to repeat the exercise as soon as possible - be it with beer or wine or spirits - or a combination of the three. If it's alcoholic, he'll stuff it up his guts!
December 1st 2004 : Jusleen Penguin shocker!
Jusleen once again shocked the staff here at the office of no last morrows by telling us about how it's possible to hire penguins for children's parties. Believing this without a shadow of doubt, shows us exactly what sort of idiot she is!
December 3rd 2004 : up to date Sleep figures
Just how many times a day do the office members here go to sleep. Well I took a poll today and discovered this :
Richard F : 1
Richard C : 4.08
James : 2
Jusleen : 1.2
Lisa : 1
These figures show us that Richard F and Lisa generally have an unbroken night of sleep, whereas Richard C is woken up around 3 times per night - perhaps shrieking after a horrible nightmare! Lets hope he grows out of this! And today is the day that Jusleen was told that ham is the only type of meat that is tough and flexible enough to weave with - anyone with 'their head screwed on' would have laughed at this - but she thinks that it's real. I bet she'll go home tonight and try!
December 7 2004 - something or other
At the begining of November, reports regarding a curious smell that had started to arise in the office of no last morrow. At the time it was incorrectly attributed to trousers, i had supposedly been wearing for 5 weeks. I just want it to be known, had the smell been properly investigated, it would have been established the smell was actually due to my unfortunate ailment of 'pooping' while coughing.
It can be seen why I would want to keep this consealed as it is an embarrassing affliction. However, I am slightly dissapointed I have continued to allow the public to think the smell originated from me and as of yet has not shown any signs of remorse.
For this reason I hope, with the recent decline in temperqature, will come the inevitable cold (the virulent disease) pandemic and it will reach james so that we can all laugh and take cover as I simultaneously cough and 'poop'.
I would also like to take the opportunity to clarify the situation regarding my trousers; I did not wear the same trousers for 5 weeks. I just happen to own 35 pairs of black trousers of which to the untrained eye may have looked the same!
You have to appriciate to girls shopping isn't just another form of consumerism, its a prerogative God damn it! Something i happen to indulge in....alot!!
By Jusleen - that'd explain the mistakes!
December 22 2004 - Trouser update
Well it's been weeks since it was revealed that Jusleen doesn't wash her trousers - we thought the embarrassment of having her 'dirty laundry' aired on the internet would make her put them in the wash, but those grubby slacks still return to the office day after day.
January 11 2005 - Jusleen takes a trip!
She's been telling everyone about it for days and now it's finally happening! Jusleen has taken the afternoon off to go on a little trip. A trip to Battle! It was nice to see her excited for once because usually her demeanor is unpleasant - but with this bus trip to Battle in her mind she's been a different 'woman'! I wish we could all just swan off whenever we want, but someone has to work - and that's everybody except for Jusleen - just like usual!
January 13th 2005 - The Blade of Death!
Things reached boiling point in the office today when 'the blade of death' was introduced. As Richard F was screwing up an important document, he noticed that he had been cut on the inside knuckle of his 3rd finger - the blood was scaring the ladies in the office - it was pandemonium! As the hours passed, people calmed down and life got back to it's snails pace. It just goes to show that anything can happen in this crazy place!
February 8th 2005 - 'crazy cookie' panic!
Wow! I thought I'd heard it all! I was speaking with Richard C and he told me a very interesting tale... He was making some cookies in his oven (to cook them). As he shut the oven door they looked just fine - but when he opened it again a while later, some of them were slightly burned and they had also changed shape - as if an oven witch had visited! I'm glad it didn't happen to me!
February 17th 2005 -it's 'Two Day Jon'!
Yesterday, the 16th of February saw the new staff member 'Jon' start here in the prestigious office of no last morrows. Today - the 17th of Feb saw him leave! Whereas I have been here for nearly a year and Rosie has been here for several months - he was here for just two days!!! More interesting though was the fact that his name and the length of time spent in the office are eeriely similar ; both 3 letter words that share the letter 'o'. What a crazy coincidence!
February 18rd 2005 -it's 'Two Day Jon' trouble + Rosie window shocker!
We all thought we'd seen the end of Two-day-Jon, but now - he's back for a third day, invalidating his hilarious Two day name. Anyway, today is his last day, so we'll stick with the name Two-day-Jon for now. Is it a coincidence that the weekend lasts for just two days as well? I'm confused!
Next up today is Rosie's 'I think I know better' window sensation. We all know that Rosie is trying to follow in Jusleens footsteps, but today she took it a stage too far; she tried to open the window..... without first lifting up the catch! Lets just say that she looked pretty unintelligent! She thought she knew better - but she was outwitted by a window!
February 25nd 2005 - James' crazy rage!
I thought I'd heard it all in this crazy office... and then this morning I subjected to James' outrageous behaviour. The smile on his face was an obvious attempt to disguise his anger - but the word 'bloody' couldn't be disguised! Lets just say that I was 'flabberghasted'!!!!!
February 28nd 2005 - Rosie's equadistance shocker!!
The banter in the office of No Last Morrows reached fever-pitch today as Rosie tried to justify her crazy claim that she doesn't believe in the concept of equadistance. When asked to imagine 100m in one direction and 100m in the other, a look of bafflement clouded her smug face. Unbelieveable! Lets just say that she was 'equadistant between being a 'loon' and an 'idiot'!
March 2rd 2005 - Cold day at the Office of No Last Morrows
Today in the Office of No last Morrows is possibly the advent of 'Cold day 2005'. If you thought outside is cold whilst snowing - you should try inside here at the Office of No Last Morrows - it's almost as cold - if not as cold as outside. I just put my lovely hand in the fridge and it's no colder in there than it is the office environment. Lets just say that the statement 'The heat is not on' is absolutely true right now!!!!!
March 8st 2005 - Lisa's new washing machine
Not only did Lisa take last Wednesday off of work to be with her new washing machine, she also seems to spend all of her precious time here at the Office of No Last Morrows telling everyone about it. Why, just the other day she spotted a towel in the kitchen here and took it home - as another excuse to use her cursed washing machine. Let's just say that when it comes to this washing machine - she has been 'brain-washed'!!!
