The Tales of The Voorhees

As the snakes descended down from above, Vincent Price roasted his tomato 7 over the juices of the grave. The people of the land ran for cover as the land grew and grew, like a growing hand, and eventually all was still except for Vincent Price who was singing the song to Tomato number 7. "I tell you a story now!" boasted Vincent Price as he whistled a macabre tune in the style of the dead. As his quivering lips foretold the coming of the Voorhees, a skilled claw shot forth from the ground like a fist of spikes, and before the claw lay the mightyest rock of all : The rock of Tomato number 7, that was awaiting the return. From the four corners of the earth came the four wise sages who wept at the land and caused the evil to stop for yet another day...
Above the trees came a threatening howl that swept the land and shattered the bones of the bone-eaters. Vincent Price cried out loud for this madness to end and as he did so, Tomato number 7 was consumed by the timeless evil which inhabited the ancient tombstones. From deep, deep beneath the earth came a dark pie, which shouted to it's desciples : "The age of the Voorhees is here". Vincent Price arose from his dark chamber and looked about, fearful for his life, when all of a sudden, an anguished cry for help overcame the wind. Like a shock of electricity in water, he stood, with his life energy being drained, helpless as both his past and future collided and out of the breeze Voorhees appeared, and with him came the moving shadows of the Pies which defiantly spread through out the land, devouring even Voorhees himself. Vincent Price lay on his alter, weakened from the night's efforts and slept like a lamb.