wednesday.september.12.2001.just about midnight.

i don't know what to say about yesterday's events.

i'm still in complete shock, it feels like there's a storm cloud inside my head.

on my way to work today, the boston bomb squad was all around south station. my building, like ever other building in boston, was evacuated yesterday at noon. i work in the federal district, beacon hill is 9 blocks in one direction, and world trade boston is 9 blocks the opposite.

i'm scared.

all i wanted yesterday was to feel safe. there's only one thing i can think of that could have made that happen, and such event didn't take place. i was comforted by *someone* though. i'd like to take this time to thank him for being there for me. he was physically the farthest away of all of my friends, and he was the one that was there for me, getting me through it. he's amazing. thank you so much :::hug:::

not even my family has been supportive at all. yesterday, on my way home, i stopped in to my mom's work so i could get her house key. she decided to just leave then and drove us home. i was hysterical almost the entire ride. once we got home, we turned on the news. i had seen it a hundred times already, but once i saw that second plane crashing into the south tower, i couldn't control myself and burst into tears. later on, my mom and brother just left me alone. they didn't ask if i wanted to go with them wherever they were going (it turned out to go pick up my sister). and earlier today, when i got home from work, entirely drained, my mom gives me a lecture on taking shorter showers and cleaning up after myself in the kitchen. right when i walked through the door. no 'hello', no 'how are you' or 'how was your day'. i cannot wait, i cannot wait to move out of my family's house.

i'm so self-centered, enough about my trivial family problems. there's real things happening out there, a trillion times worse than i can even imagine.

i wish there was something more i could do, but i plan on giving blood as soon as i can. i've been praying and praying for this to not escalate into an even larger tragedy, but my realistic thoughts are telling me that's inevitable.

i do (and will continue to) tell myself that everything will be alright. i'm just waiting to believe myself.