thursday.october.4.2001.seventeen minutes before noon.

i am, apparently, a hot commodity. you know the saying 'when it rains it pours'? well, i've got floods goin' on over here. seriously.

so far, in the past two months since i've been single, three of my guy friends have expressed "interest" in me. well, one of them was sort of an ex, but not really, cause we only went out on two dates over two weeks about three years ago. but, i was his first kiss, so maybe that meant something.

i went on pseudo-dates with these guys, just giving it a shot, you know. i felt like i was just hangin' out, while they were all mushy girls about it. one "date" kept looking at me puppy-dog style and saying over and over (i'm not kidding) "you're cute...:::giggle giggle giggle:::...you're sexy...:::giggle giggle giggle:::"

so anyway, what's up with this shit? am i only allowed one entirely platonic guy friend? (or could my one entirely platonic guy friend be batting for the home team, so to speak?) i'm pretty sure it isn't me. i mean, i don't think i'm that good looking, that charming, that intelligent, that funny, that anything that makes one attractive to the opposite sex. but hey, maybe i'm wrong. if so, it's neat in a way, but it also sucks, cause i like hangin out with the guys a lot more than hangin out with the girls. i don't want em all wantin' me. maybe i should burp more when they're around?

sucks for them though, cause i'm not interested. well yeah, i'm moving 793 miles away in a week and a half, so it would suck for me if i was interested. i'd rather they weren't, though, it makes me feel bad to not reciprocate feelings like that.

even my ex-boyfriend has been strangely nice to me lately. he told me, a-la forrest gump, that i'm his "girl". even more recently, he's said he "misses 'us'", that he wants to get back together, and that i'm "it". and here i thought he hated me.

so, i'm confused. what da dilly, yo?

honestly, i have no idea why they're all wantin' me...i'm a huge, huge dork. for example, while i was running last night, this is what i was thinking-
you know how when trevor hoffman (closer for the padres) comes out of the bullpen, they play "hells bells" by ac/dc? well, i imagined myself being a huge track star, and being so popular that the a/v guys hook me up and play a song for me (in my self-absorbed little fantasy, only i and my close friends got this treatment) when my position and name was announced, and when i (of course) won my event. i imagined that i got the new dmx song "we right here" (lyric highlights: bring it! what?! we right here, we're not goin anywhere, we right here. this is ours and we don't share. we right here. bring your crew cause we don't care. we right here. uh, uh, uh) when i took my place for a track event, and got the crowd all riled up by 'raising the roof'. then, when i was taking my victory lap, "walk this way" by aerosmith and run dmc. i also pictured some javelin tossin' in there, but i forget which songs were played. i'll be an even larger dork and debate which songs i would want to be played for my field event later on tonight. ...it's an important decision, y'know.

so yeah, ego boost for me. thanks guys.

i'm thinkin *my crush* might have something to do with me not being interested in any of these guys. i hope this is not a bad thing from his point of view.

now i'm all nervous..