Here I am having this whole night to myself. It's only 8 p.m.! And I drink cheap peach chardonnay wine out of a plastic clear and purple wine glass from Pier One. Joni Mitchell couldn't be more perfect for my night. I do miss the silence of sitting with JMF. Last weekend was so wonderful to be watching a movie with him and dozing off. I was curled under his arm and fell asleep on his stomach and to the nearly fetal rocking of his breath. I feel the closest to him when we stop to hear only each other's breath. When I went to a luncheon today with my internship, I sat with two people who had been married for 52 years. When the speaker announced their "accomplishment," she blushed and turned her cheek away from him when he went to kiss her and ended up kissing her head. She reminded me of my grandmother when Grampa used to try to kiss her. I wanted to ask them, "How is it spending your life together?" I am marrying JMF because I can't imagine my life without him as a lover, brother, friend, partner and parent. When I see children playing around their parents in stores or in the park like kites hovering over their holders, I see OUR future children. Sweet and individual. Will our children save the world like our parents were told they should want their children to do? Last weekend he lipsynced a Brian Setzer song to me in front of a whole party of people. I sat there teetering from wine while he knelt and flailed and skipped around the room, others trying to prevent the candles from falling on the carpet.

Scribblings: "Why didn't anyone push me farther to play the piano? I loved for 7 years passionate and tortured in preadolescence but now the only ivory I feel is my shoe souls Teacher teach me to explore with my fingers and touch everything I can reach." ~kc   prev     next calendar