Why is my job doing this to me? I'm twisting in a thousand spaces in order to learn. I guess that's right, but I'm probably pretty shocked that 40 of my years has to be getting up at 7am and trekking all day long...whether it's 5pm or 11pm.

And I started laughing when I slipped outside of my body and looked at myself--slumped in the chair, waiting to explain who is coming to what event and why I am writing a story about it--and started to laugh. Well, laugh a little in a sickening cotton candy way, despite my realization that I am a whiny, uptight young KID.

I have to learn to relax. If someone says to me, "I understand what you're talking about but you just aren't saying it in under 500 words. Oh, I need it tomorrow." To that comment, I need to quietly understand and have confidence in myself. I get uptight with lack of confidence.

When I was looking at myself from "outside," I was an older woman in purple of course and thinking, "I wish I could reach out and shake her until she laughs genuinely about the stupidity of people in the corporate world!" But she knows I have to get it out of my system by myself.