While I filled out what seemed to be three years of paperwork, I thought I was going to nearly explode. I read a short story by Louis Erdrich (one of my favorite writers) in the New Yorker to keep my mind off of my bladder. The story was called "Naked Woman Playing Chopin," and immediately caught my eye because of the title. I don't care who says, "Don't judge a book by its cover," well I always do. I love books that have jackets of smooth texture, or the kind of feel that it was once a tree and is trying to get back to its natural roots. (No pun intended) Part of enjoying the book is holding it in your hands.

I ordered the U-Haul and cable so we can watch decent t.v. when we get there to our little place. The nerves are starting to calm.

(I think I nearly fell asleep at this screen. Ugh, I feel crappy and exhausted).

I was pointed to the direction of this very cool site called a Text blender of colors . Very very cool.

Last night I went to go pick up some money that J. made at work. I know he works so hard, and I think that's all that I want confirmation of. The idea popped in my head that if he needed me to, I'd pay a portion of the down payment for the apartment.

Sometimes I nearly feel complacent about the relationship. Ambivalent like I do about most things. (I often wonder if this mood dampening is due to the Zoloft I'm on and if it "kills the mood" in effort to block out anxiety) Does everyone go through this? Then, I look at him, talk with him about our future, feel him looking inside of me, and some hope filters through.

And although I got two rejection letters today for two jobs I'd applied for, I know J. would say, "They're just screwed up. You are more qualified than most people out there." I wish I could believe him entirely, but he has faith in me.