Free drinks.

Free dinners.

Free movies (you get the point).

You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.

You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.

Speeding ticket? What's that?

New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.

If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.

You can sleep your way to the top.

You can sue the President for sexual harassment.

Brad Pitt.(Although my personal favorite is Jeremy London *S*)

You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.

You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.

No one passes out when you take off your shoes.

If you think the person you're dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with them.

Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.

If you forget to shave, no one has to know.

You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her butt.

If you have a zit, you can conceal it.

You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.

You have the ability to dress yourself.

You have an excuse to be a total witch at least once a month.

You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If you marry someone 20 years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.

If you're wearing cologne, you don't have to pretend it's aftershave.

You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.

You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.

You can quickly end any fight by crying.

Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

You've never had a goatee.

Gay waiters don't make you uncomfortable.

You'll never regret piercing your ears.

You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

You'll never discover you've been duped by a Wonderbra.

You don't have hair on your back.

You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.