05/24/01 Today has been a rather stressful day for me. I woke up around 10:30am in a pretty good mood, even though it was raining and grey out. I was just relaxing, chatting online, doing nothing, and then Mike woke up. He has been in a bad mood all day, depressed, sad, feeling sick, and just overall unhappy. It seems like he's pissed about everything, whether it's the weather outside, people on the phone he's talked to, ME, and who knows what else. He's not happy because he says the place is a mess, he feels sick, and he doesn't like how "carefree" I am. I tried to convince him to go to an Al-Anon meeting (for friends and family of alcoholics), because he missed his ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting. He refuses to go. I wish someone could just come here, pick him up, and TAKE him there. Lord only knows he needs it. He's what you would call a "dry drunk." Great huh? No wonder I feel like this isn't a "normal" relationship. *sigh* Cya later.

05/26/01 Uhh, yeah. Last night was interesting, to say the least. Whew.

05/27/01 Wow. Last night I was all sorts of depressed. I can't for the life of me figure out why I got so down last night. I dunno, I was planning on writing about it here, but I don't really feel like it. Maybe I'll write more later on today. I think right now I am just going to try to relax and be happy.

05/29/01 I had a dream that really freaked me out today, between 9:30am-12pm. I told my friend Stacey about it, so I'm going to copy and paste what I told her.

I dreamed I was staying with Mike somewhere right, somewhere in MA that was kind of like a modern wooden cabin/inn, and for some reason it was the middle of the night, but I took out my mountain bike and decided to ride to my grandparent's place in the snow. So I rode my bike there going up and down snowy hills in the middle of the night. I had to sneak around a building, where I could see inside the glass windows - some chick and this ugly bald dude were having fun, and some other guys were gambling, and I walked past 2 guys talking, where one was saying he had spent $4,000.00 on his friend's credit card bill on 900 numbers. I remember opening a door that had $25.00 on the handle, and I remembered it because I left it there in some other dream I think. I still had my bike with me, and I had a key to my grandparent's place. They were in building number 1300. So I rode past everything and arrived at the front door.

When I walked in my cousin Christina was sitting on the left and my cousin Mark was sitting on the right, and my aunt was coming down a small set of stairs. My parents were staying in a bedroom directly off to the right of the staircase. So I went over to sit with my cousin on the left, and my parents came out of the room crying because they hadn't seen or talked to me in such a long time. They started talking about mike (bad stuff) and I refused to listen to it. So when my dad turned my way he had a full glass of I think tequila in his hand and was drinking it. I remember saying something like, "See, this is why I don't talk to you, because you WON'T STOP DRINKING!!!" - I yelled that kinda in my dream. My grandfather who is in the room now also has a glass full of tequila in his hand and turns to my dad and mumbles something, and they're both drinking. So then I sit and read some magazine thing, and this article thing I'm reading is actually written by my dad or my mom, telling me all the fucked up things they're feeling about my relationship with Mike.

That was all I remember. The sad thing is, that's exactly how my parents are. I wonder if my dream is telling me the time isn't right yet?

05/29/01 Yes I am writing on the same day again. I've come to realize that I hate my job and I want a new one. Preferrably in Florida. I'd like to get a brand=spankin new apartment, new furniture, drapes, blinds, a new car, everything new.

I am sick of working here, sick of the office politics bullshit, sick of the dumbass policies here, and sick of how people here are underminded in the jobs they do.

FUCK my company - I am sending out my resume. The sad part of it is, every since the company I ORIGINALLY worked for was taken over by a large billion dollar corporation, everyone has gotten screwed over at LEAST once. Bastards.