Well I am still here, and it's 4AM. I'm gonna be leaving soon though - I wanna go to sleep in my comfy bed and lay down next to Mike :)

I can't get over the fact that like, I can be just 20 minutes away from Mike, and I miss him. I guess love will do that to you! :) LOVE YOU MIKE! :)

05/08/01 I had a conversation earlier with a good friend of mine about my parents. I was in a meeting tonight here at work, and I came back to my desk to find an instant message from my mother. I was dumbfounded at the fact that she found my AOL screenname. But anyways, seeing her trying to talk to me made me very sad, and kinda aggravated. :( Here is the conversation I had with my friend. I needed to talk and vent to someone. This is LONG - just so ya know.

SweetScorpiogirl: Man, today was going great until tonight! ARGH

what happened?

SweetScorpiogirl: My mom IMed me - I haven't spoken to my parents since last June
SweetScorpiogirl: :-\

what did she have to say?

SweetScorpiogirl: well I was away in a meeting, and I came back and read her IM's - she just asked me when I'm gonna come visit, that she misses me, and then she goes what's wrong? prolly b/c I was away, but I feel so sad :-( I want to talk to her so bad, but everytime that I've tried to she always says fucked up shit about Mike that isn't true - and it angers me

what does she say about him?

SweetScorpiogirl: well last year when Mike was on prednisone and stuff, her and my dad would try to convince me that Mike was putting prednisone in my food and shit, and that he's not really sick and that he's just lazy - and I'm like WTF - it pissed me off so much

wow.. :eek:

SweetScorpiogirl: yeah
SweetScorpiogirl: But I mean, regardless of what they say, I still love them a lot - and it pisses me off that because of the things they say I feel inclined to not talk to them

yeah
i think you owe it to them to keep in touch, ya know?

SweetScorpiogirl: well, the reason I'm not talking to them is because of something really fucked up they did last year
SweetScorpiogirl: to me and Mike

which was?

SweetScorpiogirl: well mike and I went down to FL for a visit and stuff
SweetScorpiogirl: the night we got there, my parents took us and my cousin who was visiting out to dinner
SweetScorpiogirl: My dad drank the majority of 3 bottles of wine
SweetScorpiogirl: and after dinner was over, we were gonna leave, and I asked my dad to give me the keys so I could drive us all home
SweetScorpiogirl: he was kinda drunk and I did not want to have him drive
SweetScorpiogirl: he refused to give me the keys and got pissed, started swearing at me and mike, like get the fuck in my car goddammit, called mike a cocksucker, a coward, a pussy, etc
SweetScorpiogirl: so mike and I stayed behind, and the manager of the restaurant applauded us for staying and got us a cab

your mom and cousin went with him?

SweetScorpiogirl: Yep
SweetScorpiogirl: with no questions asked
SweetScorpiogirl: I'm like, you're fucking crazy, is what I thought to myself

they made it home ok?

SweetScorpiogirl: amazingly yes
SweetScorpiogirl: My dad was slurring his speech tho
SweetScorpiogirl: it pissed me off that he would do that
SweetScorpiogirl: and it pissed me off that my mom and cousin would get in the car with him

wow

SweetScorpiogirl: my dad did nothing but drink the whole time we were there
SweetScorpiogirl: my mom enabled him, never bothered to tell him to cut it out
SweetScorpiogirl: and my cousin, the fucking BLIND ASS she is, was like, your dad doesn't have a drinking problem....
SweetScorpiogirl: and I'm like you're fucking stupid if you can't see that

did you dad drink alot when you were growing up?

SweetScorpiogirl: so my dad got pissed off and left and went back to their home in tampa - we were staying at the beach
SweetScorpiogirl: yeah
SweetScorpiogirl: I never associated with it til I was old enough to understand what it was about
SweetScorpiogirl: so my dad left, my mom got pissed that he left and yelled and called Mike every single name in the book that you can think of - she was SCREAMING at him
SweetScorpiogirl: mind you she never called me any name at all

why at mike?

SweetScorpiogirl: I dunno, they have never liked him from the beginning, because they think he "took me away from them"

damn, sue.. i see why you're angry at them

SweetScorpiogirl: but after all that yelling, Mike and I decided not to stay, and we left that night, walked to the hotel down a couple blocks with our bags, and sat there until a cab came around 6am
SweetScorpiogirl: then we left

dayum
that was the last you saw them?

SweetScorpiogirl: yep

i don't see why your mom would yell at mike

SweetScorpiogirl: she drinks too, just not as bad as my dad
SweetScorpiogirl: thank god I'm adopted man - I'd prolly be a fuckin wreck right now

hehehe, damn sue...

SweetScorpiogirl: and I was doing just fine tonight until I saw that my mom had gotten an AIM name and was sending me messages...
SweetScorpiogirl: just having her IM me brought back memories and shit, that pisses me off

:-(
i really think you should talk to her tho
give her a chance to maybe apoligize

SweetScorpiogirl: I know she won't apologize about it - don't you think she would have done that by now? It's been a year almost

maybe, maybe not...
just talk to her!
she's your mother for chrissake! ;-)

SweetScorpiogirl: :-\ It's hard to - she's been sending me letters to my work address saying all kinds of shit about Mike
SweetScorpiogirl: this is recent too

really?

SweetScorpiogirl: yeah
SweetScorpiogirl: and I have NO idea how the hell she got my address, we moved to a new building and everything

prolly public data . com or something

SweetScorpiogirl: :-\ well anyways though, all she ever says is how much better off I would be without him, and that I could live with them, but after all the shit I went through with my parents, I'd hafta be fuckin CRAZY to want to live with them again

yeah...
hey sue, promise me something

SweetScorpiogirl: what?

just say yes, you promise

SweetScorpiogirl: Well... ok? Yes, I promise

ok, you just promised me you'll talk to your mom
so, now you have no excuse

SweetScorpiogirl: I will, but I can't guarantee when

ok, cool

SweetScorpiogirl: Maybe I'll write her a letter - that way she can't talk any smack to me - and she can just hear ME out

that would be good

SweetScorpiogirl: yeah - I've wanted to do that for a while but I never felt I had any real motivation to
SweetScorpiogirl: People are *SOOOO* lucky Drew, in some households, to grow up where the only real problem in the family is that the kid never cleans their room

i agree

SweetScorpiogirl: :-\

my parents split up when i was 7
sucked...

SweetScorpiogirl: :-( that sucks I'm sorry

yeah, what's done is done...

SweetScorpiogirl: *hugz* That must have been a rough time for you

thanks
yeah, it was a shitty thing to deal with as a 7 year old

SweetScorpiogirl: I believe it - I am sure it was probably just as bad emotionally and mentally on you as it was for me to be verbally abused at 7 :-\
SweetScorpiogirl: So in a weird way I can relate

yeah

05/13/01 I am very sad today. Today is Mother's Day, and I didn't call my mom, for the reasons listed in the conversation above. Also, I just don't know what the hell I would say to her if I DID call. *sigh* I wish things were easier. I don't feel like I'm ready to talk to her yet. I know that she would try and lay the whole thing on me about me being too good for Mike, how he's a jerk etc etc, and I know that's total bullshit. I had even bought her a card before Mother's Day got here, but I never sent it out. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel like I have an entire year's worth of things I want to tell her. I just don't know when I can make the time to write her this long ass letter I want to do. I'm so busy doing everything else . . . or, trying to at least. I have this whole huge mental list of things to do and things I *want* to do. I always get stuff done on the things to do list, but not on the things I *want* to do list. It seems that the first list never ends; just goes in an endless loop. :( My mom sent me more IM's tonight, but I couldn't bring myself to read them. I just right-clicked and selected "close." I felt it would be too painful and hurtful for myself to read what she said, especially since I have been going to Al-Anon meetings and learning to detach with love. I STILL have not fully accomplished this. It's a very hard thing to do for myself. I know right now that if I tried to have a "normal" conversation with my mom OR my dad, they would do nothing but put a huge ass guilt trip on me and say bad things about Mike. More than likely, I'd probably hear the clink of ice cubes in my dad's rum and coke drink while he'd be talking to me. I just can't deal with that right now.