09/02/01 Entry coming soon today. It's been a helluva long time...

09/03/01 Happy Frickin Labor Day! Blech. I'm working. We have no e-mails to answer though which is a GODSEND!!! Adding in a few new nifty lookin tools today.

09/04/01 Yep, so there are a lot of new things on this page :) The feedback is to send me feedback about my site, the Upcoming Events is pretty much self explanatory, and you can even add your own (hint hint, ADD THEM!)! Down in the lower left of this page is my Saying of the day which I will update daily, and many links below that. You can also add your own links (hint hint ADD LINKS!). =) This will be cool, it makes my webpage more interactive now. I hope people who come across this use it :)

9:42PM My nose is all stuffy. Yuck. Make it go away!!

I've started using newsgroups. I really like it :) I've subscribed to alt.pagan.contacts, alt.pagan.magick, alt.religion.wicca.moderated, alt.traditional.witchcraft, and alt.witchcraft. Learning as I go. This will take me quite a while to learn and find my path. Although, I really don't think I have a certain "path" at the moment; nor do I think I will have a specific one. Oh well, c'est la vie! ;)

9:49PM I'm bored. Need to organize stuff though. My car page is still called "test2.html." LOL. I think I need a site map of some sort. Hm.

11:07PM 53 more minutes til I get out of this hellhole, although not permanently (damn). Everytime my boss walks by I feel as if she/he/it/whatever you wanna call it will find SOMETHING to berate me about. I frickin need a new job. New atmosphere, nicer bosses.

11:51PM NINE MORE MINUTES!!!ARRRGHH!!!

09/05/01 Woke up at 1PM today. Think I'll sort out the laundry. I have to get stuff done around here, then once I get it done, I won't have more to do =)

09/07/01 Today S.U.C.K.S.. Why? Here's why. I posted this on LS1.com today:

Mike is sick again... very weak, can't do anything for himself. His mom is coming over today before I leave for work to stay with him for a little bit. I am completely lost. I can't take anymore time off from work or else I'll lose my job. I am always asking his mom or his dad to stay, and I know they're his parents, but I feel guilty for some reason asking them so much. I don't know what else to do. He is losing weight again, fast. He can't sleep well, can't eat, drink... I don't know how long I can keep this up. I know I just said this, but CRAP what else can I do!?!? I'm running out of options.

Here are the replies:

1) I wish there was some way I can help. There sadly, is not. But I am here if you need to talk. Everything will work out. I'm sure his parents understand about the work thing too!

2) Well... I know that if he can't eat/and/or he's in pain, get him some weed. Quick! That makes even Chemo patients feel better.

3) Time to drive him into Mass General, emergency room.

Where I said that Mike won't go:

4) Sorry Mike, time to stop fucking around! The best hospitals in the world are 100 miles away! USE THEM!

5) Sounds like a panic disorder. Has he had his blood screened? I have had this since I was 16. It was crippling until I got it under control. Stress can be a Mutha#$%^!@! Has all sorts of ill affects. It may not seem like hes stressed or depressed but there are 2 kinds. Mine is chemical so there is nothing that can be done other than controlling it with meditation and medicine (zoloft, and valium only when needed). Mine used to be bad because I used a lot of roids at a young age and it fucked with an already bad situation. So look deeper and you will find the answer. If you need help my email is readily available and I live in mass. I know many good doctors from being in the bodybuilding scene.

6) How old is he? Is he getting bloody noses? Constant headaches, anything of this nature? Does he lift weights. And Mr GTO is right the best are here in Mass. He could be in trouble and he needs to get the right help. Why wouldn't he go? I mean I am a tough guy in all but something like that I wouldn't play with?

To which I said: 23, no, no, nothing like it.. no...he is too weak to even get UP to lift weights. He won't go because he's been in and out of the hospital so many times, has seen DOZENS of dr's.. literally... so you can understand why he doesn't seem to have any faith in it

7) Prayin' for ya both, Sue.

8) I surely do not want to come off as being rude or anything like that... That being said...Since the doctors cannot find anything wrong, is there a chance that it is mental disorder?? I've seen programs that had people that were ill (some that couldn't even talk) and it turned out that it was a mental disorder....Just a thought...Hope the best for him....

9) Everytime I read about this I feel bad, b/c I wish there was something I could do for him and you both. I always feel bad and helpless when I hear about how he's doing. Mike's got a good head on his shoulders, and is very determined to get better......my guess is he's going to have to go through a few of these really bad times to get to the good. I hope he gets better soon, I think about you and him alot. I'll be sending my card out tomorrow too!

10) I'm at a loss for words. Dunno what to say, Sue. Just hold on girl, everything will work out for the best. *Gives Sue a big HUG*

11) Sue, I'm so sorry to hear this, sweetie. I just talked to him last week (I think), maybe the week before. He said that he was feeling so much better and that his diet was helping him tremendously. I had hoped the best for him. He's been through so much already for such a young man. He really needs you. He needs you to be a strong woman for him. I know that you need support, too. I can't imagine what you go through day to day, but your love for each other has to be worth it. I can't believe drs. can't find anything. It just doesn't make any sense. I wish there was something that I (all of us) could do for him. All we can do is be here for you. It just doesn't seem like enough. Send my love to Mike.

12) Ditto on the hugs for you guys.

13) I'm sorry to hear that Mike is on the downswing.....but knowing him, he'll be back up in no time. Man is a soldier.

14) Sue, in the first place, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. We all need it sometimes. I see you feeling guilty because you are doing everything you can and Mike has not been getting better. It's not your fault and even if you did more it probably isn't going to make a difference one way or the other. We all know how much you have done so you need to believe it too. Another thing-this is important. When you get some of that help take some time off for yourself. This is really important. Often caregivers for chronically ill people really burn out because they are on duty 24/7. In a situation like this use all the resources you can muster. Is there any community or county home healthcare available in your area? Hang in there.

15) Damn, Sue, I'm sorry to hear this! Mike seemed to be doing so much better. I agree w/ mrgto, load him in the car and take him to the good hospitals, don't give him the choice...Tell him you are taking him to his parents, or something. My prayers are with you guys!

16) Sue, you're having a bad day sweetie, and so is Mike. You're having a breakdown, and it's ok. Go have a good cry and release some of these emotions/anger, whatever you're feeling. Take a nice drive somewhere peaceful. When you get there, get out of the car, and have some time for yourself. Cry, scream to the top of your lungs, beat up a tree.......anything. Just get some of this negative energy that's in you OUT! Hopefully you'll feel a little better. We are here for you as much as we can be. I wish I could do more for you. I wish I could be THERE with you. *HUGS*

17) Sue, I don't know you or Mike, but do not question yall being together thru this. This is all for a reason, that will be revealed one day. Stay strong for Mike & yourself, both of you are true fighters quite obviously. I agree with some of the other posts, this is no time for him to be stubborn, you call the shots & get him to the hospital as soon as you can. We are all praying for BOTH of you, so stay strong.

18) Sh!t like that happens way too much and it is really sad. I been through enough sh*t like what you two are going through and I know that it is hard to function, but hold strong and I wish you two the best.

That's all for the moment. I dunno, am I having a nervous breakdown? If this is what it feels like, I thought it would be a lot bigger.