9:37PM Only 2 hours and 23 minutes left til I get out of work. ARGH.

09/09/01 12:37AM I can't believe what I did tonight at work. We were having our regular biweekly meeting with our boss (individually), and it was my turn. Well, after my boss and I went through everything, I totally broke down amd told her how I felt about my present situation with Mike being sick. She offered to talk to me so I took it. I am not going to backtrack and mention everything I talked about on here. It was nice to get everything off my chest, but it was only temporary.

4:54PM Eh. I was gonna type something here but I just blanked out. I hate it when that happens!

5:09PM Mike just sent me an e-mail here at work. I asked him if I could post it here, and he said it was up to me, so here it is:

Sue,
I'm real sorry this is all happening to you. I'm sorry this is happening to me too. I've prayed a lot the past few days and have tried to search for answers. I've done everything I think I could up to this point, and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to let you know that I love you a lot and that perhaps one of the only times I really get upset is when I know you are being hurt by all this stuff that Is happening to me. I am upset a lot about my circumstance the past few days, but I feel so much worse when I think about what it's doing to you. I just have to have faith that no matter what happens things will be ok. I don't have a choice but to keep looking to the positive. It's so very hard, and I am really upset, but there must be a reason. There must be some peace. I just want to let you know I always think about you, and no matter what happens I'll always love you, and be grateful for everything you have done for me. You have loved me unconditionally, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better then you. Please try to keep going, and don't give up. There has to be a reason.....

I love you,
Michael

To which I replied:

Thank you for telling me this... helps me a little bit :) I'm really touched that you wrote this to me. I don't know what else to say right now, but until then if you'd like, you can read my journal online. I don't know if you have the address. It's:

https://www.angelfire.com/ma/noopie/journal.html

There's a lot of stuff there... it helps get my feelings out. It may not help me 100%, but it does help.

Do you mind if I post this message on my page? I wanted to ask you first, b/c I'd really like to.

I am trying my damnedest to stay strong. I can't guarantee anything though, because I'm only human too. But I'm holding up at the moment.

I love you too,

Sue

5:17PM Well, that's all I'd like to put in for the moment. I'm working on cases and projects today here at work. I don't feel like "interacting" with customers today.

5:23PM Holy crap. I checked out my webpage statistics today. Just today!! I can't believe how many visits my journal has had... WOW.

09/11/01 I am feeling better today. I can literally "feel" I'm doing better. Can't quite explain how, but I know.

Mike posted a message on LS1.com today. Here is what he posted and people's replies:

Before I go to bed I wanna just dump out a whole ton of stuff here for everyone that I've been holding onto for awhile. A lot of it's depressing, and upsetting, but I hope those who feel the same or have felt the same will comment about their own struggles, and for those who know me personally tell me your thoughts regarding your experiences and perhaps even send me some prayers or goodwill as I am desperate.

I'm still alive which is a bonus, but I'm not living. I'm miserable, and I'm about as confused, and unhappy as a person can be. I'm really having a tough time with life, and this is probably the worst I've ever felt mentally -- we're talking breakdown and it's bigtime. I don't really want any help regarding how I feel here since the only thing that will change how I feel is to regain some hope in overcoming my ailments. Many here know I've fought a tough battle against Crohn's Disease and an "unknown" condition which has forced me to be debilitated, and "live a sedentary life in bed, and on this computer". I just wanted to let it out here, and let you guys know I've done all I could and have finally decided to just stop right now. I know many had high hopes that "anything" was possible - and I still believe that is true, but right now it's time to stop. For me it's time to stop trying and wait. What I'm waiting for I don't know, but perhaps something will come to me - maybe......

I just don't have the answers, but I've done all I could up until this time so I'm going to stop trying. I'm not quiting - I'm just stopping for now. If you believe in a higher power, then like me you believe that we are tested at different times in our lives, and some of us are tested under the most unbearable circumstances. To me this is about as bad as it can get and I've been through it all - I have two arms, and two legs but yet I can't run or do much with them. I have a loving girlfriend, but we've never gotten around to "living" or experiencing much together except frequent pain, hospital stays, and constant struggle and more pain. I have everything, and yet nothing all at once. Everything is always out of reach to a degree making it useless. I have food, but can't usually eat much - I have a roof over my head, but I resent it - I hate being trapped under this roof. I have so many things that people wish they could have, and yet I too wish I could have them. You just don't know what it's like....

Don't take for granted your health, your loved ones, or your "good times". And when the bad times hit perhaps you'll get off easier then I have. My prayers are with all of the LS1 Community.

In conclusion -- They often say that it takes Ability, Motivation, and Attitude to make it in life and be sucessful. I always thought I had all of those things, however things didn't work out that way for me - not so far. I guess I was expecting a consolation prize. Perhaps I shouldn't have expected so much, and then I might not be let down you know.

Here are people's replies:

1) God Bless you and Sue. My prayers are with you.

2) hang in there buddy!
you'll be in my prayers.

matt

3) God bless you man.

4) always in my prayers buddy! and pretty much always online (work for an internet company) IM me any time!!

5) That's definately the coolest thing I've ever read. Very inspirational. I'm definately gonna save that and pass it on or use it for future referance. Seriously man I really hope things work out for you.

6) Hey man, it's Seamus....I hope everything works out for you in the end, I know it's tough now....but it's going to get better at some point. I'm still pulling for you, my cousin Jimmy said Hi by the way, I talked to him about 2 months ago and he wanted me to tell you in case I saw you.

7) Hey Mike - Stay tough man, hey I know about the issues shit has been knocking the fan over here and its bad worse then it was before, but I'm still stand waiting for what is next. Things will prevail soon my brother very soon.

8) Hang in there bud! Your doing great, and don't ever let go of your will power! You will be in my prayers...Matt

9) "Allah Weeyak" my friend, (God be with u in Arabic) My prayers are with you and your girlfriend. I just wish that there was something we could do. Hey man if u need anything just email.

10) Prayin' for ya bud. Hang tough.

11) My prayers for you and Sue

12) You and sue are always in the back of my mind...you two just amaze me, especially you mike. Your time of good fortune is coming, and when it does, it's gonna be great for you and sue. Stick it out

13) Well, remember what you told me. I am doing a bit better now. Take your own advice. Hell, if you go to boston I will bring you if you want. Just let me know.

14) Hey, hang in there bro. I thought I was going through a rough time right now, but you seem to put things back in perspective for me. Seriously, don't give up. My prayers are with you - Nick

15) Mike, Hang in there buddy, remember to take one day at a time!

16) hang in there mike! no one could blame ya for taking a break though. you work endlessly trying to whip this thing. exhaustion is only natural. so take a break, chill out for a while, then get right back on top of this. you will win!

17) Mike - all things are possible. I just watched where a 15 yr old quad amputee swam across 20 miles of Lake Erie. Jesus man - she only has stumps. Don't tell me you can't win! rest up - to fight again buddy! I'll say it again - there are few times I wish I had religion - but this is one of them.

18) Hold on bro, I think everyone here is praying for ya.

19) My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!! - Tom

20) I emailed you Mike. Remember We're all here for you, and you're in our prayers.

21) Mike- That was a heart-warming story and your a good man for sharing that with us. It is always good to share your thoughts with others. Man, I know you'll get better. Stay strong.

22) I do not know you, but when I read your words, I was truely touched and saddened. I know what it is like to just want to not have to deal with any of it. To want to crawl in a hole for awhile and when you come out, have everything just as you want: perfect. But I also know that most times, that will not and can not happen. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in a higher power. And I believe that HE never gives us more than we can handle. At times, it feels as though it is too much. In the past 2 years, I have lost 3 family members, most recently, this past Saturday evening. I have seen what it does to those left behind and I have cursed that higher power for dumping so much on my family. BUT, I also know that if you give it up to HIM, what needs to happen, will. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there is the best advice I can give. All my love and well wishes. - Jenie

23) Mike, I never met you in person, and spoke to you on the phone only once briefly, but you know that I and many people here on this board pray for you. The part about struggling through hard times as a test is true...and you and Sue are being tested big time. Just remember that one must NEVER give up. True, you may feel that you are not truly living, but the fact that you and Sue have pulled through so far shows that you are not a quitter. Things are always darkest before they get better. People are praying for you, please do the same. You WILL get through this. DO NOT Think Otherwise. Enjoy the smallest moments. That is living.

That's everything so far. I'm sure there will be more tomorrow!

09/14/01 Well. This week has been interesting, to say the least. Just go to CNN.com or MSNBC.com to read about the terrorist attack. I have some pics up in my directory. There isn't a whole lot of em, cuz you can find well over 1,000 on Yahoo. Not much goin on here. My allergies are kicking in. I think that means the season's changing now to Fall.

I might be going to a Medieval festival on Saturday or Sunday in Woodstock, CT. Not sure yet though, but it would be fun to go to =).

After thinking I'll never know my cat's birthday, I find that it's on a piece of paper I've had ever since I adopted her. Anyways, her birthday is October 6, 1999. She'll be 2 years old this year!

4:10PM I think this song is truly appropriate:

God Bless The USA

If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away.

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota
to the hills of Tennessee,
Across the plains of Texas
from sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to L.A.,
There's pride in every American heart
and it's time we stand and say:

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

09/15/01 Ugh. By doze isth all duffed dup =(. Was late for work today because of a tractor trailer accident on Interstate 91. If that link isn't there in a day or two... oh hell here's the story:

Tractor Trailer Rolls Over on Interstate 91(WWLP, September 15, 2001) - Early Saturday afternoon, about 1:00pm, a tractor trailer, traveling northbound on Interstate 91, lost control and flipped over on its side. The accident happened on the Longmeadow curve at exit 1, completely blocking the off ramp. Northbound travel was restricted to one lane only as the accident was cleared.

There. Now for the lazy people who read this site, they don't have to click on the link. Well actually, no one has to click on the link now. Oh well! I'll be archiving this page soon, probably on my dinner break which is in 45 minutes.