If you have been checking out my site
these stories are not in any order
(Just a note I am a dept. head of 2 depts.
fine art and memories now, All and all I love my job If you can believe that
the store wasn't open but a few weeks
ok maybe this story wasn't really that funny
one morning it was snowing like mad
Ok it has to be done another paint story
a woman (yes woman do weird things too)
A couple of years ago
Still scratching my head over that one
did you know they make contact lenses
I have seen alot of those crosses,cats eyes,wolf eyes,
Ok you may think this one is really far fetched
Of all the stories this is my favorite
The Fat Monkey Project
Do you believe in Omens? (everyone who was having someone sent to Iraq
anyways she wasn't taking it so well
that shirt has been worn by plenty of famous people
when You buy something at a store
you know I work retail
for a local craft store
this will be my 8th year there
the store is located in the mall
~which draws it's own unique crowd~
after The things I have seen and heard there
I kept saying I was gonna make a webpage about them
~geeze I could write a book LOL~
And friends being friends keep at me about it so
"Finally" the long awaited story page
just as I happen to remember them
I started with beads and T-shirts)
don't tell my boss it would throw everything out of wack
I have met alot of great people who have turned out to be good friends
I have had my hair pulled (little kid in a buggy),
I have been bitten (also little kid),
basicly my own fault sure taught me not
to stick my fingers anywhere near a childs mouth
I have held babies, had pictures taken with babies,
Taken pictures of babies,
I have been hugged and kissed by children and adults
I really don't think the guy that asked me to marry him was really serious LOL
And I am proud to say I am Part of the Fat Monkey Project
and we were having a big rubberstamp sale
now just imagine an aisle
where stamps run down both sides and it was packed!
when a male customer came to me
at the end of the aisle and asked
"where our pharmacy was ?"
where I calmly asked him to repeat his question
(just to make sure I heard him right)
he asked again where the pharmacy was ?
where I then nicely said
"I'm sorry sir we don't have one
this is a craft store"
where he then bit my head off by screaming
"well craft stores have them too!"
and I just about felt the wind of everyone
in the aisle when they turned there head
to look at him
and they were all laughing
he then just stormed off!
it's one of those you had to be there deals
and it was only gonna get
worse according to the weather
we had only been open a little while
when I got a call from a male customer
he needed some large bottles of non toxic paint
he stressed in lots of colors
I told him sure we got that
we have 16 oz bottles of childrens washable paint
He asked if we had anything bigger
I said no but
you could add about 2 ozs of water
to it and it wouldn't change the color to much
he then asks for directions to the mall
which I gave him
where he then decides I need to know
what hes doing with it
he goes "I am an art student and for a project
I am going to paint my friends naked bodies
and take pictures of them out in the snow
I said no kidding that paint should work fine for that
made sure he had the directions right
after I hung up I just started rolling
then while waiting to see if this guy was gonna show up
I told one of the girls I work with she said
she wanted to get a look at this guy too
between me and her
we had him described to a T before he showed up LOL
and low and behold when he showed up
(with friends in tow)
we were right !
(hippie)
came in asked for fluorescent paint
I showed her the 2 oz size
she asked if we had anything bigger I showed the 16 oz washable paint
she asked if it would show under a blacklight
I said it would
she then tells me she is
trying out for amature night at a stripclub in a neighboring town
a few weeks before Christmas
I was passing by the stichery dept.
where I overheard a woman ask the dept. head
where our guitars were ?
the girl told her we didn't carry them
the woman asked if she was sure
the girl said yes she was sure
easy enough no problem
thats was the end of it
(so I thought)
about a week later
I was clearing out a table
to set up something else
and on the bottom of that table
was a fender guitar pick
that make your the pupil of your eyes look like different?
this guy and his girlfriend had come into the store
his pupils were just big red balls
I can handle stuff like that alot better then most
they wanted something down in the wood dept.
I took them down and asked the dept. head (female)
she got one look grabbed me by the arm
and turned away and answered their questions
without so much as a side ways glance
when they left the girl goes holy shit
he had devils eyes
my arm was black and blue for about a week
lots of solid colors
I haven't seen any in a while
thank god of all things
those creeped me out the most
I went into to work one monday morning
One of the managers had told me
there was an older women coming in and talked to me that day
he had said she had come in over the weekend
and needed to talk to some one about paint brushes
I said fine no problem
but as he walked away chuckling to himself I should have known
well she showed that afternoon
wearing Tammy Fay Baker make up
she wanted all the paint brush companies address's and phone numbers
mostly the ones that were on sale that week
I asked her if there was a problem
she said oh no not at all
so Just being me (or stupid)I asked why she needed them
then she explans she needs a new sable coat
(yes that does say coat)
and figured it would be cheaper
if she got the sable from one of the brush companies
I haven't used the persons names
one day I happened to pick up a beanie baby monkey
that was left lying around
I put it in my apron pocket
and figured I would put it back when I passed the table
well I held onto that monkey
everyone picked on me about it
it was a funny sight
a little monkey head sticking out of my pocket
after a few days of traveling with me
I was working on a display out in the mall
a woman was sent out to talk to me
the poor lady looked tired and depressed
Come to find out her son was being deployed To Iraq
was sent to talk to me because my son was allready there)
(damn I know I wasn't either but I understood how she felt)
so the both of us out there crying
she tells me her son had forgot to take his favorite T-shirt
she describes it as having a monkey on it and it says
"I love my Fat Monkey"
which got us both to laughing
she said she was thinking of having different people
putting it on and taking their picture in it
and send the pitures to her son
she needed something to do
to keep her busy so she wouldn't think about
the danger her son could be in
well thats when I told her she had to do it
she just had to
she looked at me kinda odd
I told her she was sent to me for a reason
and I had something to show her
I pulls that monkey out of my pocket
I told her the story about how he got there
and how long I carried him around
so The Fat Monkey Project was born
after that lady left (feeling a little better)
at some point during that day
I put the monkey back
I didn't recall doing it
But I noticed he wasn't in my pocket
when I put my apron in my locker
at the end of the day
I figured his job was done
she has sent the T-shirt all over the place
radio stations have helped her
the day she brought the shirt in for my turn was black friday
I put it on right over my shirt
as she took my photo a customer
was laughing at us saying well this store looks fun
clothes going on and being taken off
and the lady with the shirt
says haven't you heard of the fat monkey project
to our surprise the other says why yes I have
she heard about it on the radio a fews days before
well they got to talking and this new woman
gets the creators of the
teenage mutan ninja turtles comic book
to wear the shirt
you can return it for some reason or another with a receipt
well someone had come in and bought a air compresser
for airbrushing
and then came in and returned it got there money back
the girl who does the return does not look in the box
the next customer comes in
buys same compresser
asks to look at it before he gets it home
as we open the box but whats inside is not a air compresser
but a carburetor yes a old carburetor
so now when I sell a compresser
I open the box before it leaves the store
and there is a note at the desk that says
look in the boxes to make sure of whats inside
