20 Questions About the Yankees 10/99
By Bill Simmons, www.bostonsportsguy.com
(1) How did Yankees outfielder Paul O'Neill suffer a cracked rib this month?
A -- Diving for a flyball in right field.
B -- Getting hit by a pitch.
C -- Colliding with Joe Torre's nose in the dugout.
(2) What was Roger Clemens' nickname in Boston from 1993 to 1996, when he was playing under his final Boston contract ($20 million for four years)?
A -- Rocket Roger
B -- The Rocket Man
C -- Thief
(3) Why do people normally become Yankees fans as kids?
A -- They started liking the Yanks because their father rooted for them.
B -- The Yanks happened to be winning right at the time when they decided to pick a favorite baseball team.
C -- The Yanks were the most popular team in their juvenile detention center.
(4) Why did Derek Jeter dump Mariah Carey?
A -- She gained too much weight.
B -- He found out that she was a slut.
C -- He needed to start concentrating on baseball so he could realize his dream: "Someday, I will be the second-best shortstop in the American League."
(5) Why were Red Sox fans upset when Don Zimmer was struck in the head by a line drive during Game One of the playoffs last week?
A -- Because it was such a scary moment.
B -- Because the game was delayed for five minutes.
C -- Because he was still breathing.
(6) What's the funniest book written in the past 10 years?
A -- "Sein Language."
B -- "The Collected Works of Dave Barry."
C -- "Roger Clemens' Greatest Playoff Moments."
(7) When NBC announcer Bob Costas tells you that "Darryl Strawberry's average is .321," what's he referring to?
A -- Darryl's postseason batting average.
B -- Darryl's regular season batting average.
C -- Darryl's blood-alcohol level.
(8) What injury bothered Yankees lefty Andy Pettitte during the '99 regular season?
A -- Tendinitis in his left elbow.
B -- Back spasms.
C -- Menstrual cramps.
(9) Which Yankee gave the greatest movie performance by an athlete this decade?
A -- Ricky Ledee in "For Love of the Game."
B -- Roger Clemens in "Cobb."
C -- David Cone in "Confessions of a Bullpen Masturbator."
(10) Which TV show featured George Steinbrenner a few years ago?
A -- Seinfeld.
B -- NYPD Blue.
C -- A&E's Biography (during "A-holes of the 20th Century Week").
(11) What's 260 million stand for?
A -- The Yankees' actual payroll over the last three years
B -- The amount of money MSG pays the Yankees for the right to televise their games every year.
C -- The number of nose hairs sticking out of Joe Torre's two nostrils.
(12) What does the number 34 stand for?
A -- El Duque's real age.
B -- The number of years that Don Zimmer has spent as a coach or manager.
C -- The total number of Yankees fans who would still make the Wells-for-Clemens trade.
(13) What's the most common first name for a Yankees fan?
A -- Sal
B -- Bobby
C -- Inmate
(14) Why did Bernie Williams turn down a $91 million offer from the Red Sox to play with the Yankees for $87 million?
A -- Because he felt loyal to the Yankees organization and to his teammates.
B -- Because he didn't want to move his family away from New York.
C -- Because he's a dick.
(15) Why did the Yankees have to get rid of Tim Raines after the end of last season?
A -- They wanted to give more playing time to Ricky Ledee and Chad Curtis.
B -- They didn't want to pay $2 million per year to a backup outfielder.
C -- Commissioner Bud Selig passed a new rule: "Only one former coke addict per team."
(16) What's the telltale sign that you're a Yankees fan?
A -- You have black curly hair and a wispy mustache that hasn't quite grown in yet.
B -- You're a backup infielder on six different weekend rec softball teams.
C -- Your girlfriend looks like Paula Jones, chews JollyRanchers with her mouth open and used to date at least four of your friends.
D -- Your first name can easily be transformed into a two-syllable name ending in "y" or "ie."
E -- You wear sweatpants to bars.
F -- You really enjoyed "Summer of Sam."
G -- You failed the local fireman's test six times, but you're taking it again next week.
H -- You think Thurman Munson and Don Mattingly are Hall of Famers.
I -- All of the above.
(17) What's the "Big Apple"?
A -- A nickname for the city of Manhattan.
B -- The name of Spike Lee's new movie.
C -- The thing that will be lodged in Roger Clemens' throat when he's pitching Game Three at Fenway on Saturday afternoon.
(18) Why did the Yankees use non-alcoholic champagne during their celebration after they swept the Rangers last week?
A -- Chad Curtis called a team meeting before the game and convinced the players to have non-alcholic champagne so Darryl Strawberry could take part in the celebration.
B -- The team manager bought the wrong champagne at the liquor store.
C -- The team was afraid that Darryl would be licking champagne off the floor and sucking it out of his own shirt.
(19) What will be the most common theme of the emails I'll be getting from Yankees fans over the next 24 hours?
--A. The Red Sox suck.
--B. Sports Guy sucks elephant #$@%.
--C. 1918
--D. Munson kicked Fisk's ass.
--E. Jeter kicks Nomar's ass.
--F. All of the above.
(20) What's the most ironic thing about the first-ever Yankees-Red Sox playoff series?
A -- That it's taking place in the last year before 2000.
B -- That former Sox star Roger Clemens could potentially pitch Game 7 against the Red Sox.
C -- That the classic 1982 movie "Escape From New York" -- which centered around the theme that Manhattan had been turned into a maximum-security prison -- was actually set in the "future" year of 1999. You couldn't make something like that up.
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