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A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

Here are some of my favorite quotes. The inspiration and reason for this page is my failed attempts to put all the quotes I like into my Instant Messenger profile. These are assorted quotes from various sources...some funny, some thought provoking...all my favorites. My dear friend Chris also has an affinity for quotes, and he has some terrific ones on his page. So, read, enjoy, and feel free to reccommend any additions to me by emailing me.

"I have nothing left to offer but tears and toil, blood and sweat." - Winston Churchill

"These are the days of miracle and wonder, this is a long distance call..." - Paul Simon

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes." - unknown

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Beuller

"When I hear somebody sigh that life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, compared to what?" - Sydney Harris

"No man is free who is not master of himself." - Epictetus

"I never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain

"Life is too short, so love the one you've got..." - Sublime

"The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action." - unknown

"If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams, wandering by the lone sea-breakers and sitting by desolate streams, world-losers and world-forsakers, on whom the pale moon gleams; yet we are the movers and shakers or the world, forever, it seems." - Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

"Promise me you won't forget about me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." - Winnie the Pooh

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi

"For your birthday, I grew you a cat." (inside a card with a cat sitting in a flowerpot on the outside.)

"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile." - unknown

"The stairways up to la butte can make the wretched sigh, while windmill wings of the Moulin shelter you and I..." - Rufus Wainwright, "Complainte de la Butte"

"Enthusiasm is contagious. You could start an epidemic!" - unknown

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." - Plato

"Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home, keep your head still, I'll be your thrill, the night will go on, my little windmill" - Blink 182, "All The Small Things"

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say." - unknown

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Theresa

"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the only one who is, will never make you cry." - unknown

"I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I held on to; I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you." - Lifehouse, "Hanging By A Moment"

"It is not until we have lost everything that we are free to do anything." - Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"People may not remember what you said or what you did, but they will always remember the way you made them feel." - unknown

"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." - Brendan Gill

"In my dreams I will see you soar across the sky, In my dreams I'll always have a place for you for all my life; I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I go, there you'll be..." - Faith Hill, "There You'll Be"

"I, I will be king, and you, you will be queen...We can be heroes, just for one day..." - The Wallflowers, "Heroes"

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace; suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves around you...come what may, I will love you until my dying day..." - Nicole Kidman & Ewan MacGregor, "Come What May"

"I wanna be bad, you make me feel so good, I'm losing all my cool, I'm about to break the rules, I wanna be bad..." - Willa Ford, "I Wanna Be Bad"

"It's better than sex!" - Mr. Murphy, a 60-odd ex-Marine western civilization teacher, on chocolate

"And if I had to give you up, it's only been a year, Now I got my foot through the door,and I ain't goin' nowhere. It took awhile to get me in, and I'm gonna take my time; Don't fight that good shit in your ear Now let me blow ya mind..." - Eve, featuring Gwen Stefani, "Let Me Blow Ya Mind"

These are all from the same email...none are credited to any one person, but I thought thet were pretty good...

"Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun."

"Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live."

"How long a minute lasts depends on what siide of the bathroom door you're on."

"I have noticed that the people who are late are otfen so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

"Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us."

"If WalMart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything free yet?"

"To the world you may be only one person, but to one person, you may be the world."

"Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once."

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

"We could learn a lot from crayons...some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to learn to live in the same box."

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler."

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."

"Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open."

"La vita e bella!" - Life Is Beautiful

"Andrea, when you work with the mentally ill, never play Pictionary." - Andrea's boss at Crystal House

"For Boston, for Boston, we sing our proud refrain! For Boston, for Boston, 'tis wisdom's Earthly fane. For here all are on and their hearts are true and the towers on the Heights reach ot Heav'ns own blue. For Boston, for Boston, till the echoes ring again! For Boston, for Boston, thy glory is our own! For Boston, for Boston, tis here that truth is known. And ever with the right shall thy heirs be found till time shall be no more and thy work is crown'd. For Boston, for Boston, for thee and thine alone!" - Boston Collage Fight Song, and spiritedly put forth by the DROPKICK MURPHYS!

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly...I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." - Thomas Paine

"We are just learning how to fall, climb back up again." - A.P. Alexakis

"Hey cool! Anthrax!" - Ryan

"The problem is, how do you make a thing - because he isn't human - how do you make him feel the pain of everyone he hurt and truly equate that in whatever punishment we give to him?" - TDR discussion

"There are thoughts which are prayers. There are moments when, whatever the posture of the body, the soul is on its knees." - Victor Hugo

"Let me leave you with this thought, before I go claim the apples that are rightfully mine..." - President Bartlett, The West Wing

"Hell, I say tell 'em the truth! We've got a story to tell these people." - James Carville

"Where will I be when I stop wondr'in why?" - Sister Hazel, "Champagne High"

"Dancin' with the devil on the thirteenth floor, nonstop knockin' on heaven's door...over the years I've learned to love the pain, what they call a ladykiller with the gift of game...ridin' on the third rail, takin' risks, life is risky...there's no controllin' us, walkin' on water and kickin' up dust..." - Crazy Town, "Lollipop Porn"

"You know how I know? 'Cause smart people told me." - President Bartlett, The West Wing

"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it... but by sitting still, and the more one sits still, the closer one comes to feeling ill... If one just keeps on walking everything will be alright." - Soren Kierkegaard

"Freedom is the right to do what you ought to do." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

"May God have mercy on their souls...because we will not." - Sen. John McCain, in regards to the terrorists of September 11th

"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without blood shed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves." - Winston Churchill

"Freedom Is Not Free" - Korean War Memorial

"I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book." - Groucho Marx

"I don't know enough to be incompetent." - Woody Allen

"Where does one go from a world of insanity? Somewhere on the other side of despair." - T.S. Eliot

"A crowded elevator smells different to a midget." - Mer

"True leaders have the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. They do not set out to be leaders, but become leaders by the quality of their actions and the integrity of their intent. In the end, leaders are much like eagles...they don't flock. You find them one at a time." - Unknown

"It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine." - Wayne's World

"Put something silly in the world that wasn't there before." - Shel Silverstien

"Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schultz

"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - Lisa Simpson

"Growing up is full of big moments. Some you see coming a mile away. Some you never see at all." - The Wonder Years

"Remember kid, heroes get remembered, but legends never die." - The Sandlot

"Sometimes, gum looks like a penny." - Sally Wade

"I long for the days when there's no goodbyes; wish I could see you wipe the tears from your eyes, tell you everything is all right, lay you down, say good night. I'm there by your side, looking in your eyes, seeing you with me, what else could there be? If I could get away, I would be there today. You'd be wearing that smile, haven't seen for a while..." - "Haven't Seen For A While", Pat McGee

"Everyone comes to Hollywood has a dream! Wha's yo' dream? Wha's yo' dream? Hey, mister, wha's yo' dream?" - Pretty Woman

"I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the light changes, and ships change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, our sweat, and in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch it, we are going back from whence we came." - Pres. John F. Kennedy

"Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." - Ted Kennedy

He whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. -Thomas Paine

"I'm going crazy and it's all cause of you. All cause of you I'm going under, over you, over you..." - DMB

"Hold her closer when she feels she needs a hand to hold, someone who'll never let her go again. And hold him closer when he's down, when his world is upside down...turn it around"~Blessid Union

"Wherever you seen a cop beatin' a guy...wherever a hungry newborn baby cries...where ever the fight against the blood and hatred is in the air, look for me, Ma, I'll be there. Wherever somebody's struggling for a place to stand...for a decent job or a helping hand, where ever someone's strugglin' to be free...look in their eyes, Ma, you'll see me." -Tom Joad, The Grapes of Wrath