How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity In The Workplace
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE...
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel. If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favours'.
When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss, labeled, "FYI"
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Don't use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Delete the words, "the", "an" and "a" from your vocabulary
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave at strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
Say, "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind. It's gone now." Repeat.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
And the final way to annoy people:
Send this in an e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
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