An Essay on Vampirism by: I wish I knew
Why do people insist on telling me I need to get some sun? I know I’m
white. In fact, I think I’m whiter than a white girl should be. I’d
love a tan. But all I ever do is burn. Even if I could tan, I hate the
look of tan lines. And since you won’t catch me walking around in a
string bikini, much less naked, I doubt it’s ever going to happen.
Besides, too much sun isn’t good for you. Ewww...skin cancer...bad.
I’m tired of getting stupid looks from people when I wear sunglasses at 6:00 in the evening on cloudy days. I know it’s cloudy, but it still feels like there are hot pokers being shoved into my eyeballs. Are they afraid I can’t see where I’m driving? They should be more worried that I don’t plow over them for the sheer enjoyment of it.
I’m tired of my stomach acting up every morning, making me nauseous and late for work. (You might be thinking ‘morning sickness’. That would be downright miraculous, but that’s a whole nother rant.) I absolutely hate the feeling that, no matter what, bad things are going to come out of various orifices. And I haven’t even eaten much this week! What does my stomach have to be upset about?
I’m tired of other people’s moods influencing my own. I have enough of a problem with my own mood swings without someone else’s bad day making me do a 180.
Now I have a headache. Now I get paranoid that I’ll get another migraine. It hasn’t happened in a few years, but that just means that I’m due for one anytime now. Just waiting for the blind spots...
I’m tired of being so sensitive to changes in the weather that my sinuses make my face feel like it’s going to implode. I swear, El Nino is trying to kill me. One day, it’ll be cloudy and rainy, the next it’ll be clear, sunny, and up to 90 degrees. Make up you mind, damnit!
I’m tired of having to get up early in the morning to go to work and have the daytime suck the life out of me. Then, in the evening, when I absolutely have to go to sleep, I start getting more energetic and don’t want to. It just feels like such a waste to sleep at night. But society has this thing about only doing things during the daylight hours. Don’t you hate it when it’s 3:00 in the morning and you really want to do something, but nothing’s open? That’s usually when I make up my mind to do things, and then I can’t do anything about it. Once the sun rises, I get lazy and sluggish, and just want to sleep.
Ugh... I’d better go now. I’m starting to annoy myself with my incoherent ramblings.
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