“It matters not how straight the gates
How charged with punishment the scroll.
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.”
(W.E. Henley: Invictus)
You seek for solitude-the need to be alone and come in terms with yourself. You seek for calmness- the need to have peace of mind.
You think you’ve had enough of life-and you’re going off the deep end, with no one there to pull you from falling and bring you back to your senses.
You feel your world caving in on you. You don’t know what to do. It is hard to organize your thoughts and understand what the hell is happening. You are down. You feel depressed. You need to get away from it all: the wasps, the thorns, the evil lurking around this world, the bad talks, the pressures, the worries, the never endless wait for your beloved to come home. You want to just disappear with the hope that when you come around again, there won’t be any emotional pain anymore. But then again, it was never like you to give in that easy to such things.
So, you chose to seek for a time to be on your own. For a while. To gather your thoughts….think things through and try to comprehend. You wonder and you try to rationalize. You ask yourself why. Why are these things happening to you? You reflect. You justify. You think: Maybe it’s merely fate. But then again, don’t we make our own destiny? Isn’t it us who is responsible for our own future? Or are these things merely God’s will? A masked blessing, perhaps? You question and you ponder. You seek for answers. You find your way out.
You may deny and forget but you don’t want to run away. You hate to leave things suspended. It’s a nuisance to the mind. Besides, you are tough-you always were. You never backed out from anything that you believed in. You rarely let your guard down. Besides, these are just the tests of life. You have to be strong. For you both. So, with a more determined will than before, you face the facts. You stand, take a deep breath and dare the devil. Stronger than before, you take life in stride.
Once more, you are in control of yourself. You take your time and face the inevitable. You still feel the pain but you know it will soon come to pass. Time heals all pain, so they say. You become one with yourself and you fight the pain off. It takes time but it will heal. The pressures are still there but it will be dealt with. The waiting never ends but you know he’ll still come home. There will be barriers but it will be dealt with.
You fight. You struggle. And then you survive.
What the heck, just enjoy life!!!
