English Major Post-College Options
A list by Rachel Steele
Work in a cubicle until monotony and stress become too overwhelming and I'm forced to commit a violent act.
LIve in a cardboard box and look pitiful, holding a sign that says "will conjugate for food."
Have a mid-sized mental breakdown when I realize that no one will pay me to write poetry.
Marry young and procreate, naming my offspring Swanhilde Marie, dressing it funny, and ensuring years of therapy for the entire family unit.
Seduce an old wealthy man with my ability to recite Chaucer and other such literary skills, get put in the will, then cunningly murder him and keep the money.
Become a mafia mistress, provided with my own apartment, enough money to support my coke habit, and nothing to do all day but drink vodka and eat chocolates.
