THE ADVENTURES OF SIR ALFRED OF WORCHESTERSHIRE AND THE GRAND ARMY OF TOOTING BEC
EPISODE VIII
FOR WANT OF A WARD...
A message delivered by diplomatic courier from Sir Alfred to Lord Aewyn Machiara of the Wood Elves:
"Lord Machiara,
I must protest! Though your son may be a callow youth by Elven standards, he is still older than my sweet daughter Portia by many decades! You can readily guess my mood when I found that the cad had been courting her affections despite my strictest admonishments to the contrary. You know as well as I that there can be no future in this union; not only on account of the inappropriate age difference, but the fact that as an Elven Prince of Athel Loren, your son does not represent the proper bloodlines for marriage to the Bretonnian nobility.
Now, I can understand that Portia's beauty is difficult to resist, and I would be most forgiving if this were a harmless case of a lovelorn elf reciting poetry under her balcony at night. Indeed, it would not be the first time! However, it has come to my attention that this dalliance has progressed far beyond poetry and flowers and whatnot. Can you imagine the scandal in court? I daresay that the honor of my house is tarnished beyond repair!
I demand satisfaction! A matter of honor must be settled on the field of honor. We shall meet in battle soon enough, and not all the chariots in your realm will save you from the mighty Lances of my knights.
Yours, etc.
Sir Alfred, Baron of Worchestershire, Field Commander of the Fourth Army of Quenelles, Tooting Bec
PS - Sir Cedric sends his fond regards. Cheerio!"
Later that week...
Alfred looked out upon the field and mused for the third time that morning if the force he had brought was appropriate for the battle ahead. If only those bloody Wood Elves would sit still for once and take a charge instead of running about and hiding like... well, like Elves. Not that there were ever any targets worth charging in this army. The enemy chariots outranged him and the wardancers were notoriously slippery. For a moment he thought of challenging the Treeman in single combat, but then put the thought out of his mind. He had made other plans, and he should stick to them. Chariots would be the main concern today. Once more he checked his deployment.
The Field was relatively clear. He had set his troops along the western edge of the plains, facing the elven units to the east. On the north side, in the center of the fields was a large stand of trees, marking the beginings of Machiara's dominion in Athel Loren. On the Far side in the elves deployment zone were two hills, one of which was extremely steep.
On the South end of the field was a unit of 5 Knights of the Realm (The Great Boars). Next to them was Sir Cedric Fentingmore (a Knight Champion) leading 5 Knights of the Realm in Lance Formation (The Fentingmore falcons). Protected among their ranks was Phoebe le Fey, a Wizard Champion (And Cedric's cousin). The Falcons carried the standard of sheilding. In the Center of the line was Sir Alfred himself, mounted on the Pegasus Goldwing. Alfred had the Virtue of Knightly Temper, the Armor of Meteoic Iron, and a Potion of Strength. Attending him were 5 mounted squires (The Redshirt Brigade) in skirmish order. On the Northern flank near the woods was Sir Percy the Upright (Grail Champion) Leading 4 Grail Knights (The Holy Order of the Kneestocking) carrying the standard of Righteous Retribution. Among their ranks was Melies le Strange, a Wizard Lord. Alfred was gambling heavily by bringing so much magical firepower. It was costly, but he hoped to be able to use the sorcerers to neutralize the more troublesome elven units, especially the wardancers.
Ont he Other side of the field the Wood Elves prepared for the onslaught. On the south, two chariots commanded the open part of the field. Next, Atop the two hills were two units of archers. Just below the hills waited 6 Wardancers with a standard and a Great Eaqgle. Lord Machiara and a level 1 Wizard, both mounted upon elven steeds, stood off to the North flank, next to the Treeman. A group of Glade Riders held the extreme north, and Alfred's Keen eyes picked out a group of Waywatchers hiding in the forest.
The Knights were in a fine and confident mood. Everyone's Armor was in good condition. Alfred decidede to pass on requesting the Lady's Blessing. He was sure that he could deal with this rabble easily if he took the initiative.
Alfred sounded the March and urged his army to move forward...
...and that was when the Elves sprang the trap...
The Battle will be 5 turns long.
The Elves win the first turn. Obviously, the Knight's big breakfasts have slowed them down!
Elves turn one:
The imposing Treeman lumbers into the woods and is soon lost from sight. The Great Eagle Takes wing and comes down dangerously close to the rear of the Holy Order. Meanwhile, the Glade Riders Circle the Woods and the Chariots move forward slightly. The Wardancers move the center of the field. The Waywatchers emerge at the edge of the woods and string their bows.
As almost every single Archer in the Elven line draws back his bow and takes aim, Alfred realizes slightly too late what a good target he makes sitting atop Goldwing.
The Sky is dark with arrows as Two units of archers and Lord Machiara with the Hail of Doom arrow loose upon Sir Alfred and Goldwing. Alfred is adequately protected by his armor, but poor Goldwing is a pincusion. She will not be taking to the skies this battle, and Alfred suddenly finds himself the only unmounted figure in an all-cavalry army. For want of a ward, the pegasus was lost, and for want of a Pegasus... Alfred sputters in frustration and orders the Army to proceed without him.
The Waywatchers let loose upon the Grial knights and learn to their dismay of the Banner protecting the unit. The shots turn around in midair and slam back into the unit, dropping two of the elves. The Unit stands firm, albeit looking a bit embarrassed.
Winds of magic blow weakly, and no spells are cast.
Brets turn one:
Cedric Shouts to his own unit and to the Boars - "Damn the Chariots! Full Speed ahead!" The Falcons and the Boars ride right up to the Chariots, hoping that Phoebe will be able to keep them from charging. The Redshirts guard their flank from the Wardancers.
Sir Percy and the Holy Order decide to attempt a charge on the waywatchers, who turn and flee in response (bloody elves!), leaving the Holy Order stranded and unscreened.
The Winds of Magic blow strongly, and Just as Melies is about to unload the first of several devastating spells, the elven player is able to Drain Magic!!! The Elven wizard loses a level, but he has served his purpose. Without the magic firepower they were counting on, the Bretonnian Knights are left hanging in the wind!
Elves turn 2:
The Chariots charge the Boars and the Falcons. The Treeman and the Glade Riders charge the Holy Order, and the Great Eagle Charges the rear of the Order's lance. The Wardancers charge the squires.
Again a hail of arrows fly at the Stranded Sir Alfred, and he is wounded but not out.
The Boars accept the charge exceedingly well, and only suffer one wound from the Chariot. They manage to drive it off and run it down. Sir Cedric's men do not fare so well, lose several knights, but do not break.
The Holy Order's Lance is devastated by the combined assault. The last remnants break and are run down by the Glade Riders and the Eagle.
The Redshirts are exterminated to a man.
Again, the magic phase passeswithout incident.
Brets turn 2:
The Boars swing around to threaten the rear of the other chariot.
Sir Alfred attempts to charge the Great Eagle, but the eagle is too far away and he is too badly encumbered by his Cavalry armor.
Cedric attempts to break the chariot he is fighting, but the combat is a push.
Phoebe desperately attempts to cast destruction on the Wardancers, who now threaten their flank. Unfortunately only two fall victim to the spell, and she does not have enough power cards for a second.
Elves turn 3:
The Glade Riders charge Sir Cedric's rear, while the Wardancers interpose themselves in front of the Boars. Cedric and Phoebe are pummeled, break, and are run down by the Chariot. Cedric will have a lot of explainign to do to his Uncle once he and Phoebe recover.
More shooting at Alfred inflicts yet another wound.
Brets turn 3:
Alfred again attemtps to charge the Great Eagle. Unfortunately, while he is within range, the Eagle decides to flee from him. As Alfred cannot fly, he is left far behind.
The Boars are now in the Glade Rider's charge arc, and so try to hide behind the wardancers, which isn't altogether a smart move. They aren't the brightest of fellows.
Elves Turn 4:
The Wardancers charge the Boars and cut most of them down, breaking and running down the rest.
The archers inflict another wound upon Alfred and finally, the rest of his army beaten and fleeing, he decides perhaps he should just sit down and call this battle a draw.
Elves turn 5:
Various units run to capture all four table corners. The Great Eagle, however, fails to rally and flies all the way back to the Oak of Ages.
...Later that night, in Alfred's campaign pavilion, he and Lord Machiara hammer out a treaty. Despite the unchivalrous manner in which the Elves won, Alfred conceeds the victory and agrees that perhaps he has been a little rash. Alfred will cede control of a trade route in return for a village and a replacement pegasus if Machiara's son will steer clear of Tooting Bec. Lord Machiara protests that his son is his own man and, while he finds the relationship between their children unpalatable, he can do nothing to stop it. At Cedric's urging, Alfred signs the treaty anyway, and gets in touch with a dwarven friend of Cedric's regarding the forging of a chastity belt for his daughter...
Epilogue:
Well, this game was a great gamble for me. Having little faith in the effectiveness of Bretonnian Bowmen vs. Wood Elf archers, I staked everything on Magic and lost in a big way. Let this be a lesson to all! 
Still, tomorrow is another day, and even now a messenger is speeding to Tooting Bec, calling upon Sir Alfred to defend the realm against another invading armada of High Elves.