Blast from the, uh, past.
(Start here:dark alleyway. Beavis and Butthead are standing in front of a bar. Suddenly Butthead picks up a beer can)
Butthead:whoa, theres beer in this thing.
Beavis:Yeah! Were gonna like get drunk!
Butthead:Huh-huh. No way dillhole, this is MY beer.Huh-huh-huh. Dumbass
Beavis:Butthead if you don't give me that beer I'm gonna slam you right in the nads!
Butthead:And I'll kick your skinny butt.
(Beavis and Butthead are about to fight when a drunken staggering Coach Buzzcut emerges from the bar.)
Buzzcut:Well, well if (hicup) it isn't Beavis(hic) and (groans)Butthead. And in a darkalley where no one well ever know.(Begins to laugh insanely, pulls a six inch knife.)
Beavis:(corholio voice):Are you threatening me?!
Butthead:Uh, this dudes crazy. Like, run.
Beavis:Oh, okay.(They run into the street. A car nearly hits them. The occupant stops it and then gets out. Its Todd.)
Todd:I'm gonna bite your heads off.
Beavis:hey hows it goin?
Butthead:Dude, you gotta like drive us. Or Buzzcuts gonna kick our ass.
Todd:You got 2 seconds ta give me one good reason.
Beavis:Uh, we left a beer over their.
Butthead:Cause if we die you won't be able to take nachos from us no more.
Todd:Get in the trunk.
(Todd drives his car and opens the trunk.)Todd:welcome to loser vill.
Beavis:Thanks man, you like saved my life heh heh heh heh thats cool
Todd:As payment for that I'm gonna whip some ass on you punks.(Grabs the two and pummels them. Then leaves them bleeding by the side of the road. They are in front of Lawndale High School. Todd drives away into the night.)
Mr O Neille(emerging from the school.) Oh no! What happened?!
Beavis:This dude Todd like kicked our ass
Mr O Neille(philosophical)Violence! When will they learn?! Oh the humanity!!
Butthead:Todd is cool.
Mr O Neille:Violence is not cool...um whats your name?
Butthead:Butthead and this is beavis. Hes a wuss and his moms a slut.
O Neille:Well butthans violence is wrong. Where are your parents?
Beavis:Their dead. Wiped out. Heh heh heh I said WIPED COOL!
O Neille:Oh no! You must stay with me then get in my car.
Butthead:Uh, whatever dude.
(They get in O Neille's car.)
Butthead:huh huh huh huh wiped.
Beavis:Yeah m heh heh heh
The next day...
(Cut to Daria and Jane in the schoolhallway.)
Jane:So quinn and her little friends are going to be there all night?
Daria:And well into the day.
Jane:bummer. Wanna come over to my house?
Daria:No the line must be drawn.
Jane:It'll take nothing short of the pesonal appearence of Marylin Manson to scare them away.
Daria:Or a static storm. (Bell rings.)Gotta go.
(Cut to DeMartino's class. The usual group of people is in it.)
DeMartino:Class we have two NEW STUDENTS joining us TODAY.
Daria:Fresh meat.(smiles)
(Beavis and Butthead enter.)
Beavis:Hey hows it goin?
Butthead:Uh, any of you chicks wanna make out?
Daria:Oh...dear..God...(her face turns pale, her eyes widen.)
DeMartino:You sit over THERE!(points to a seat next to Kevin and Brittany. The dimwitted duo sit down.)
Butthead(eyes widen.)Hey baby wanna do it? Uh huh huh huh come to Butthead.
Beavis:Yeah! Boinnnggggg!!!! Heh-heh-he-heh!
Brittany(digusted):Ewwwww!
Kevin:Hey you leave her alone or I'll kick a field goal with you.
Butthead:(scared)Uh, okay.
DeMartino:Butthead, discuss the NATURE of our DEMOCRACY!
Butthead:uh yeah. In like 1976 a buncha old dudes blew up fireworks and told those asswipe Britists to shove it up their bunghole.
Beavis:Some dudes wanted a DORKCRACY where one dillhole runs everything, like in Buzzcut's class.
Butthead:But like we were cool so we invented DEMONOCRACY where you have certain alien's rights like the right to bare chicks and the right to party till dawn. Thank you Cleveland.
DeMartino:(Annoyed.Looks at the two then at Kevin)KEVIN you have been REPLACED!
Kevin:Cool
Butthead:Then like some dillmunch allowed sucky bands from england to come to America and it sucked. Gwar is cool.Huh huh huh huh huh
Bevis:M heh heh heh heh. Suck! SUck! Suck these! Yeah!
(DeMartino begins screaming and tearing his hair out, he runs out the door yelling incoherently)
Daria:A new dark age has begun.
(Cut to Jane in hall she is closing her locker. Daria comes up to her she is very pale looking.)
Jane:What happened to eye ball boy?
Daria:An ancient evil has been unearthed.
Jane:Winger?
Daria:No...
(Beavis and Butthead walk up)
Beavis and Butthead:Diarea! Cha! Cha! Diarea! Cha! Cha!
Jane:You know them?
Daria:There a waste of flesh, blood, air and DNA.
Jane:The shallow end of the human genepool?
Daria:Yep.
Butthead:Uh, thanks. Your pretty hot.. huh huh uh huh huh
Beavis:Yeah! Lets go do it!
Jane:(angry)You have ten seconds before I deck you. Any last words?
(enter Upchuck)
Upchuck:Deck em? Rrrrowwwww! Fiesty!
Butthead:Shut up dude. Shes mine.
Beavis:Yeah totally. Loser.
Upchuck:Oh no you upstart.
Daria:Oh gawd.
Jane:No, no. Let evil feed upon itself.
Butthead:I'm the smoothest dude alive wuss boy.
Upchuck:Are not!
Butthead:Uh, are..are..R2D2!
Beavis:I'm backin' up my homie.(stands next to Butthead)
Upchuck:In order to win the fair ladies you must slay me in hand to hand combat. It is Klingon honor after all.
(Daria and Jane shake their heads.)
Beavis:Are you threatening me?!(Becomes cornholio and pulls shirt over head.)You don not want to face ze wrath of my BUNGHOLE!
Butthead:Lets jump him.(Beavis and Butthead assail Upchuck getting into a fistfight. Daria and Jane walk off. Beavis and Butthead beat Upchuck into the ground.)
Beavis:We clobbered his ass.
Butthead:Yeah.
Upchuck:(He has a bloody nose and a black eye)I'll be back.(coughs)
(Cut to Daria's house. The fashion club is hanging out.)
Quinn:And basically he was really cute and all but his eyes clashed with my nails....
Sandi:Yuck!
(Daria and Jane enter)
Tiffani:Are your cousin and her friend gonna stay here all day?
Quinn:They have no where else to go. Their parents are in jail or whatever.
Daria(sarcastically):Like, totally.
Quinn:Go away Daria.
Jane:You don't have ask to get that.(Daria and Jane go up to Daria's room)
(Cut to Daria's room)
Jane:Who were those idiots from school?
Daria:Beavis and Butthead
Jane:Those are names?
Daria:Definately.
Jane:Well if your feeling better do you want to go see the spiral tonight?
Daria:Sure.
Jane:Trent'l pick us up.
Daria(blushes):Trent? Uh, okay.
(Cut to DeMartino. He is having a nightmare in which he is in his classroom and everyone has ether Beavis or Butthead's face.)
Beavises:heh heh heh heh wood
Buttheades:huh huh huh huh huh
DeMartino:DAMMIT! SHUT UP!
Beavis/Kevin:Heh heh ARE YOU THREATENING ME?! I AM THE QB AND THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!
Butthead/Brittany:Say it brother beavis!
DeMartino:(insane):NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(DeMartino's dream changes. Now he is a teenager back in military school. He is being yelled at by his old drill instructor, one Bradley Buzzcut)
Buzzcut:DeMARTINO! DO YOU HAVE What takes?!
DeMartino:Yes sir!
Buzzcut:You'd better start payin attention to what I have to say or I will rip your eyes out and shove them up your ass!
DeMartino:Yes sir!
Buzzcut:Your way to NICE to those KIDS! DISCIPLINE!
DeMartino:What should I do?
Buzzcut:(smiles)Ha ha ha! Your days of making WAR are not over.
DeMartino:You don't mean..
Buzzcut(laughs insanely):DESTROY BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD!
(Demartino snaps awake.)
DeMartino:(grimly)I know now what I must do.
(Cut to Mystick Spiral. Daria and Jane are among the audience.)
Trent:(screaming):Oww! MY legs! Oww my face!
Daria:(sarcasticastically)Deep.
(Beavis and Butthead come out of audience)
Beavis:Uh huh huh huh huh these guys are cool.
Butthead:Heh heh heh yeah like Oww! my nads!
Daria:(angry)Your gonna be saying that soon.
Jane:(blocks Daria's way):Wait a second. I just got an idea.
Beavis. M cool heh heh
Butthead:Yeah
Daria:Give me one good reason not to give them a taste of Chinese torture.
Beavis:I knew this Chinese dude heh heh heh he like dared me to pull down my pants in class. Heh heh heh he rocked
Jane:(Smiling):Daria, I just figured out how were gonna crash your sister's party.
Daria:You don't mean...
Jane:Yes.
(Cut to Daria's house. Theres a party going on, the fashion club and the three Js are there serving drinks.)
Sandi:Quinn I thought you were going steady with Todd this week?
Quinn:Larry has the better car.
Tiffani:Oh.
(The front door opens in slow motion, Beavis and Butthead enter out of the sunset in slow motion)
Beavis:This is cool. Heh heh heh heh
Butthead:(walks up to Sandi.):So, uh baby that shirt looks heavy. Huh huh huh.
Beavis:Heh heh heh heh
Butthead:Huh huh huh huh
Sandi:Eww get away you geek!
Butthead:Don't play hard to get baby. HUh huh hard.
Beavis:You know you want it. Heh heh. (jumps on a table and becomes CORN HOLIO) I am CORNHOLIO I need TP for my bunghole! I want all your crapitico!
Butthead:Do it brother Beavis! Huh huh.
(Beavis begins to spaz out)
(Cut to Sandi. She dials something on the phone)
Barch:Sexual harrashment hotline. Barch speaking.
Sandi:We have a problem with these two horny geeks.
Barch:Depraved, lying, evil MEN!
Sandi:So, like deal with them or whatever.
Barch(close up on her face. She is clearly possessed by hate.)My pleasure dear.
Cut back to Daria's house. Daria and Jane are standing on the front lawn.
Jane:Do you think it worked.
Daria:Beavis and Butthead crash their own parties.
Jane:Hey look.
(A car pulls up and Barch storms out.)
Barch:Our Male OPPRESSORS have done it again! (She goes inside. Immediately the three Js run out screaming in terror.)
Daria:This we gotta see.(They begin watching thtrough a window.)
Barch:You wretched MEN!(Beavis and Butthead are unafraid)
Beavis:Were pretty big men if you know what we mean. heh heh heh heh
Butthead:Uh huh huh huh huh big.
Barch(Furious):MALE CHAUVINIST PIGS!
(DeMartino shoots through a window and enters. In fatigues armed with an M-16.)
DeMartino:Now you DIE!
Jane:I think we should be doing something right now.
Daria:Good Plan.
(They run away)
DeMartino:(grim)Take your last breath of air.
Beavis:Heh heh why?
Butthead:Were gonna inhale it huh huh huh this is cool.
Barch:You you evil scumbags!
(DeMartino opens fire, Barch assualts Beavis and Butthead. Cut to the outside of Daria's house. You can hear Beavis and Butthead screaming as well as shots going off.)
To Be Continued...
