I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this.
I never thought that I’d be left behind
That I was stronger than you.
-Don't Wanna Lose You Now, BSB
Chapter 7
I had gone straight upstairs to bed. I felt like someone had taken
two giant
boulders and crushed my heart between them. There was a pit in my stomach
and it was
hard to breathe properly. The only thing that could take it away was sleep.
No sooner had I gone upstairs than had AJ and Marcus come down to the
lobby.
AJ was heading to the mall. He saw Angie and Nikki and walked up to them
like they
were old friends, grabbing them and hugging them. It was a relief to the two
of them; AJ
tended to do that, making everyone as comfortable as possible. Angie had a
huge urge to
ask AJ why she had woken up in his room that morning, but didn’t want to
sound like she
had been out of control.
“You girls have tickets to the show tonight, right?” asked AJ.
“Actually, no” Nikki explained as she opened a tin of altoids and
popped
one in her mouth. AJ reached over and grabbed one out of the tin. “We
thought we
would try our luck with the scalpers over at the venue before the show.”
AJ peered down over his glasses at her. “Are you kidding? They rob
you blind.
Just gimme your name and I’ll put a few on will call for you....WHOA! I’ve
never had
one of these before, they’re frikkin’ strong!” his eyes were watering.
“By the way,
where’s Kelly?” he questioned. “I hope she’s recovering from last night.”
“Yeah, she’s upstairs sleeping. Actually, she had kind of a run in
with Nick’s
bodyguard.” Angie told AJ.
“Most people do.” he responded, referring to Billy. Nikki handed AJ
a piece of
paper with her full name on it. AJ looked quickly then did a double take.
“Is this for
real?”
“Yes! My real name is Nicole Peltz.” Nikki was flushed now. She
had always got
such a kick out of the fact that her name was also one of the Backstreet
Boy’s manager’s
names. “You guys thank me in every album you do!” she was smiling.
“Shit, that’s cool.” AJ added. “Ahite, I’m gonna head to the
mall. I’ll see you
girls tonight, OK?”
“Thanks so much AJ. You’re the best.” Angie said into his ear as
they hugged
quickly.
“I know! I’m the bomb.” AJ grimaced as he walked through the doors
with
Marcus.
*****
I had been here before. When I was in high school we used to come
here, to the
cliffs to look at the stars. I felt his arms around me. I felt the smell of
him. His face was
in the crook of my neck and he was humming something. Without warning I felt
myself
losing my footing and I began sliding down the rocky cliff about to plumet
toward the
cold, frothy ocean. I felt his hand grab my wrist and I looked up.
“Please. Please don’t let go!” I cried. It felt like my cheek was
on fire. I had been
cut.
“I’m here. I’ll always be here.” he yelled. “But you have to
hold on.” I looked
into his eyes. I knew he was telling the truth. I knew that he had always
been there and
always would be there. I held on for all I was worth.
I was awakened by the telephone. I hit the top of the receiver,
grabbed it and
murmured, “Hello?”
“Is this Kelly?” a familiar voice asked. How did AJ’s voice on a
phone fit into the
dream?
“Uh...yeah. Is this AJ?” I questioned, very groggily. I cleared my
throat.
“Yep. How ya doin’ sweetheart?” he sounded concerned.
“I’m OK. I just needed some sleep.”
“Well, I can’t find the other two, they musta gone out for a little
while. But I
wanted to let you know that the tickets will be at will call, and that me and
D are going
over to the MGM Grand tonight if you girls wanna meet us there.” AJ sounded
like he
was eating as he explained.
“Where should we meet you?” I was getting excited at the thought of
the tickets
being at will call. The girls must have spoken to him after I went to bed.
“Craps tables baby.” AJ laughed.
“Alright Alex. Uh...have a good show, I guess.” I responded.
“You guess? When have I NOT had a good show Miss Kelly?” he joked.
“Bye AJ.” I said as I hung up the phone.
*****
“Now these are seats!” said Angie as we took our seats in the first
row of the loge
section. I had to agree, they were awesome. But I wasn’t feeling much of
anything
except down at the moment. I knew once the music started I would be able to
escape, but
I didn’t know how it would make it any better. Nick was the last person I
wanted to see,
and the last person I wanted to see me. It was a hopeless dream. A dream
that I had
created and that would never come true. I would have to get used to it. And
seeing Nick
perform would do nothing to help. Tears began welling up already.
And they remained throughout most of the concert. He performed like
I had never
seen him perform. He owned the stage. During DON’T WANT YOU BACK he
wriggled and writhed in front of us and I thought my lungs would explode.
And finally
cameSHOW ME THE MEANING. He sang right in front of us, and all at once our
eyes
met. I almost died right there as he sang the lyrics “There’s no control are
ya with me
now?”and then moved onto another set of eyes. Another set that I was sure
was as
wanting, loving, and needing as my own. I was no one to him. I dropped my
head, not
able to watch anymore.
*****
Nikki had never heard anything like his voice. She eyed Brian as he
crossed back
and forth around the stage, never missing a note. She loved him. There was
nothing she
could do about it. She had loved him every single second since she had seen
him outside
the day before. She could not stop thinking about his eyes and his smile.
She wanted to
grab him and hold him and kiss him. She wanted to drown in him. And she,
like myself,
thought that she could not have him. *I’m a mortal* she thought *and mortals
cannot mix
with gods*. She breathed in Brian’s voice. For the moment, that would have
to be
enough.
Chapter 8
Song For Kelly
NinasFiction
NinasFeet
