Veronica
It was one of those deep dreamless sleeps where a person forgets who and where they are. They only feel the comfort of their pillow, the blankness of their mind, the tranquility of sleep. That’s how I felt when my eyes opened and I stared toward the sunlight streaming into the window across the room.
I blinked my eyes sluggishly, shielding them from the brightness of mid day. I felt as if I was coming out of a dream, unaware of where I was, trying to get my bearings.
It was then that I felt the soft movement on the bed next to me, felt the terry cloth of my own robe against my skin, saw the nautical decor of the room when it all came flooding back upon me of where I was and who I was with. He was there, next to me, inhaling and exhaling, the mattress moving up and down just slightly with the push of his lungs against it. The hair prickled on the back of my neck. I wanted to look at him, if only for a moment, just to assure myself that he was real.
I turned gently inward toward my pillow, onto my left side, trying my
hardest not to awaken him. I was greeted by the curve of his neck at eye level, the way his vein throbbed ever so slightly, the way his Adam’s Apple arced outward at a perfect angle. I followed it downward and saw that he had removed his arms from the robe that had been too tight on him. I could tell it was still tied at his waste, but his arms were free and large and laden with four black tattoos that added to the muscle that seemed to be growing as he got older. One crossed over his light skinned chest, the other behind his head. A small mass of blond hair protruded from his under arm and I had the strange urge to reach out and stroke it, just to feel what it felt like. He took a deeper breath and moved his hand further south toward his stomach and my own tummy flipped around, longing to be that hand and to be able to feel what it was touching. I jumped back a little, snapping my
eyes shut, afraid that he might be awake and aware of the way my eyes
consumed him.
When I thought I was in the clear, I opened them again and gazed up, this time examining his face. The perfect lines and angles, the way there was a slight bump in the bridge of his nose, the way his right eye-brow split near the end and went off in two directions, the mass of blond lashes that touched his rosy cheeks, the tiny beauty mark to the left of his nose, the small creases that surrounded his mouth, his perfect full pink lips, the softness of his skin, the small hairs below his chin and above his upper lip, the way his hair had become soft and
unstyled and fell, as much as it could, onto his forehead.
I could have stayed there all day and looked at him, admired all the ways in which he was the most beautiful creature my eyes had ever had the fortune of seeing. But before I could do a thing about it, Nick had slowly opened his own eyes, turned his face slowly onto his pillow and looked at me, and for the first time, he smiled, really smiled, and said, “Good Morning.”
“Hi.” I whispered.
******
Nick
I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, supposing that we had slept long enough and it was time to begin the day. I only wondered where exactly the day would take us.
She had asked the question before she drifted off to sleep. It had plagued my own restless night, omnipotent in my thoughts. The bed was almost too comfortable, the sheets too warm and soft, the sound of her breathing too peaceful. What was I doing?
She broke my thoughts as she sat up, rubbing at the base of her scalp, beneath her multitude of curls. “I think I’m gonna take a shower.” She didn’t really say it to me, more announced it to all the lobsters on the walls.
“K.” I said, real quietly.
She slowly removed the blanket on top of her, trying not to look at me. But I could feel it. I could feel the way she wanted to examine me, as she had been doing when she thought I was asleep.
She was already in too deep. She needed to get away from me, before I made her life just as much of a hell as my own.
She pulled the robe that was just a bit too snug closely around her as she stood. I caught a quick site of her upper thigh and tore my eyes away, disappointed that I had been trying to check her out. My weakness was the same as it had always been, women. It was probably Freudian, had something to do with my mother and a feeling that she abandoned me. Who knows. This girl, though? She wasn’t my type, far from it. We were galaxies apart from one another, at least, that’s what I thought. In all honesty, I had no idea who she was, where she was going, where she had been. And truthfully, I didn’t really want to know. Not at that moment, not when I was being so selfish.
She glanced through the crack in the door at me as she closed it, only half of her face peering outward, her eyes still asking that same question, wanting so badly to know where we were going. And the door clicked and I heard her start the shower.
I took a deep breath and stood up out of the all too comfortable bed. It was getting too stuffy in here, things were getting too real and I was beginning to get scared. I needed some air.
*****
Veronica
The tiles in the shower were cold and I leaned my back against them, letting the hot water run down the front of my body. I ran my hands through my wet hair, trying to massage my scalp, trying to get the thought of the way he looked while he was sleeping out of my busy mind.
I needed to get out of there. I felt trapped. This was no good for me. I had lived in my fantasy world far too long. I should shower, get dressed, and then run as fast as I could to my car and go home. I could be back by the evening, call in sick at work. It would be simple.
But he’d be there alone. Brooding, the way he had been doing since I had picked him up. I didn’t want to leave him alone. To me, there was no feeling in the world that was scarier than that.
It didn’t matter, though. What did I owe this man? What had he ever done for me? What could he ever do for a girl like me? We were out of one another’s leagues, worlds apart.
And yet somehow, here we were. For some reason. Together.
I got a chill despite the warm water that washed over my body. For a moment I pictured how he would look here in the shower, standing before me, moist and soapy. I shook my head quickly to get the thought to disappear.
It was time to get out of the shower. I couldn’t stay in there all day. It was time to decide what to do. I turned off the water, stepped gingerly out of the shower, favoring my swollen ankle, and grabbed one of the large towels. It was then that I remembered that mine and Nick’s clothes were hanging outside, in front of the window of our room. After I dried, I pulled my damp white bathrobe from the counter of the sink and put it on, opening the door to a rush of cool air.
“I wonder if our clothes are dry.” I said outloud, to Nick, to anyone that wanted to listen. But no one was there. I looked around the room. This was my chance. I could leave.
I scampered quickly over to the window, where our clothes hung. They were still wet. Not sopping, but not dry enough to wear. I grabbed them, though. I didn’t care. I was in quicksand and this was my way to pull myself out. I unzipped my wet jean shorts and began to put them on. As I did so, I raised my head and happened to look out of the window, onto the porch, and there he sat, on one of the lawn chairs, leaning forward with his head in his hands, gazing out at the water.
I gulped. And I slid into the sand, despite my efforts, into the confines of something unknown and frightening. I could not be saved, not from him, and especially not from myself.
*****
Nick
I heard her come onto the deck. If I hadn’t, I still would have felt her presence. I’m not sure if it was her, or if it was just that someone was standing there. I was constantly aware when I wasn’t alone. I kept my guard up that way. You never knew who was lurking behind you. In a way, I was living my life in fear.
I was so tired sitting there, my eyes squinting in the sun. I was tired of everything. I didn’t know who or where I was.
She cleared her throat a bit, but didn’t say anything. She was really shy, not like most of the girls I encountered. Most of those girls competed for things to say to me, and that was fine because it meant that I didn’t really have to say much. All I really had to do to any of them was smile, and say something silly or charming every so often. That’s what they saw me as. A body, a conquest, nothing more. And that’s all I saw in them. The throngs of girls, reaching out. They had no idea they were reaching out to nothing.
It wasn’t that I didn’t pretend I was into them. On the contrary, I tried to be as attentive as possible. Gentle, loving, caring. Exactly what they wanted me to be. Changing for people that way was one of my areas of expertise.
I didn’t turn to her. Didn’t know if I could stand the way she looked at me, idolizing me, wanting me. She had no idea that my soul was rotting away, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. But I didn’t want to deal with her either. I didn’t want to deal with anything. “You can take your car and go home.” I said, my voice sounding far away, even to myself. I kept my head pointing toward the ocean.
I heard her exhale. “Oh.” Was all she said. I expected her to leave, maybe say something nasty. But she didn’t. She just stood there for a few minutes, taking in the waves as I was doing. The wind blew just enough of a slight breeze to at least break the rancid humidity that had plagued us the day before. I shielded the sun from my eyes with my hand across my forehead, but kept looking outward toward the surf that crashed against the pepper colored sand of the Georgia shore.
When I felt her gently touch my shoulder, I flinched only a little, but enough for her to casually draw her hand away, trying to pretend that she didn’t notice. She sat down next to me, then, and continued looking at the same imaginary spot that I looked at, shading her eyes the same way I did.
“Its out there, somewhere, Nick. Who you are.” I turned my head to her and watched her looking at the sea, taking my hand down and putting it in my lap, my eyes now squinting.
“Hmmph.” Was all I said, smugly. “Yeah, I’m out there. That’s the problem. I’m always somewhere else…someone else.”
“Who you are is right there.” At this statement, she touched my heart, cliché though it was, and smiled. “I know it sounds cheesy, but if you only let yourself be who you want to be, who you are, then…well…there you are.”
The tiniest of smirks appeared on my lips. Somehow she had gotten tongue tied…but I understood what she was saying, and somehow, I knew she understood what I was looking for. I chuckled only a bit, not thinking she would even notice. She was shaking her head, her eyes semi-closed. Then she herself let out a laugh.
“You know…I tried. I guess I’m not an orator or anything.” She was grinning now as well. “What I’m trying to say is…I wish you the best of luck…” Veronica ran an nervous hand through the front of her damp curls.
“Thanks.” I said, and watched her stand.
She turned to go back into the room. “I’ll head out this afternoon.” She stopped short, looking into the room, and then turned. “Uh – Nick...” she said, rubbing her temple.
I had interrupted her though. I didn’t want to be alone. I never wanted to. Hell, we had come this far. “You can come if you think you can put up with me.” I told her in a rush.
“Oh...uh...OK...if that’s what you want. But you see...we don’t have any dry clothes.” I then noticed that she was still wearing the matching bathrobe to the one that I myself had been wearing all night. I stood up, stretching my arms out above my head.
“I think that’s one thing we can handle.” I said, and I followed her into the room.
Day 3
Runaway
NinasFiction
