An overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom woke Nick sometime the next morning. Or was it afternoon, he had no idea.


His head swam from the vast amount of alcohol he had consumed, not to mention the fact that he hadn't really eaten in the last 48 hours. His stomach had felt pretty much ok until he remembered what had caused him to get so drunk in the first place and as the vision of Kelly's casket being lowered into the ground struck him, he was glad he was standing over the toilet. It wouldn't have been very productive to puke all over the white rug.


"Oh God" Nick groaned as he rested his forehead on his arm which rested on the toilet seat. His body was exhausted and he just wanted to curl up into a ball and forget all the pain, both physical and emotional. He could hear the phone ringing somewhere in the distance but it didn't really register in his mind. All he could focus on was the feeling of complete desolation in his heart. That, and the overwhelming need to make the hurt stop.


The phone was still ringing as he pulled his head up to look around him. The tears clouded his vision to the point where he couldn't even see straight and he sniffled loudly in an effort to control his running nose. He didn't want to feel like this. He wanted his happiness back.


He wanted Kelly.


His sobs sounded more like quiet coughing as he mustered what little strength he had and crawled across the bathroom floor.


He couldn't do it. He knew if his life had to go on without her, he just couldn't. It would hurt too much and he wouldn't be able to handle that. When she was with him, he could've taken on the world but without her he felt like nothing.


He just couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough without her by his side.


Rubbing alcohol. Shampoo. Shaving cream. Tampons.


"FuckFUCK ! Come on, there has to be something in here !" he growled as he knelt before the sink and tore through the contents of the various drawers.


Suntan lotion. Hair mousse. Toilet bowl cleaner. Nail clipper. Scissors.


Finally, now he was getting somewhere.


He hastily grabbed the scissors and felt the blades. "DAMMIT !" he cursed when he realized they were too blunt. His eyes wildly scanned the items strewn around him and in his desperation he fixed his gaze on the bottle of bathroom tile cleaner. Maybe that would do itthen again, maybe not. He didn't want to take any chances. He wanted to make sure he did this right and got it over with so he continued his search.


"YES !" There was actually a hint of happiness in his voice as he swung open the cabinet door and contemplated the contents.


Pills ? No. He was having a hard enough time keeping anything in his stomach.


Razor ? Yeah, that was his ticket. That was the way out of all of the pain and sadness. That was the tool that would take him to a place where he wouldn't have to be sad anymore. Where he could be with her.


He looked at the pink piece of plastic in his hand. It was one of Kelly's razors…ironic, wasn't it ?


He sat back and quickly bent the top of the plastic in half, splitting the head in two and exposing the small metal strips. His fingers were bleeding but he surprisingly felt no pain. Good, he already had enough.


Tears welled up in his eyes again as he held the razor in his hand and watched the blood trickle down his fingers. There was complete silence in the house and he realized the phone had stopped ringing.


The end of the blade which he held between his fingers was slowly slicing into his skin, he could feel it. He never thought it would come to this. Then again, he never thought he'd lose the only thing he truly loved.


"Kelly" he whimpered as the metal met the inside of his forearm.


"Nicky ?" her voice came from the bathroom door.