Part 3: Power
“You, my friend, desperately need to get laid.” AJ said as he chewed on a french fry. Nick laughed at the thought and blushed. If there was one thing in the entire universe that seemed to phase him, it was the female species. He could just picture falling all over himself as he took off his clothes. He had kissed a few of the girls who always wanted to come up to his room to “talk”. But never sex. Never anything even close to that. Nickolas got embarrassed just at the thought alone.
“I hate it when he does that.” I said to Malcolm. He had mid-length brown hair and wore glasses that resembled John Lennon’s. The two of us were reminiscing along side Nick and AJ about how much we enjoyed pancakes. Unless we imagined it, there really was no necessity to eat at Home. Malcolm concurred that he was jealous of the two as well, and we had been discussing which syrup we liked the best when AJ had brought sex up to Nick.
AJ’s spirit guide looked back at me. “That’s his thing, Ror. He’s blunt. And he just wants to get a rise out of the kid.” Malcolm had been an odd choice for AJ’s guide. He was intellectual and thoughtful and quite reserved. Perhaps he was there to give AJ, who was wild, some balance. And perhaps that was where AJ had gotten his compassionate side from. And oddly enough, he was quite open to Malcolm, recognizing him instantly in his dreams as an old cohort whom he could confide with. I was envious…Nick barely let me in at all, and when he did, he never recognized me as who I was. All he saw was a woman who looked familiar and then he moved onto whatever else was on his mind.
“Well, he got one.” I answered. I was more than a little concerned. Nick only aimed to please when it came to AJ. He personified cool to his younger friend and Nick tried his hardest to be just like him, although he wasn’t at all and was not yet mature enough to simply embrace and respect their differences, but want to become him. And he didn’t need to be having sex. Everyone was pushing the poor thing to grow up as quick as possible and he was just a boy, innocent and exposed, and perhaps always would be.
Its not like I didn’t know what was coming. A life choice was right around the corner for Nick. I just prayed he’d make the good choice, the less painful one, because all I wanted was for him to be happy. Even though life’s difficulties were part of our learning process, I still wanted to shelter him. He was, afterall, the other half of myself, and the less pain he felt, the less I did as well.
It was hardly a choice at all. AJ put a bug into Q’s ear that the petite blonde girl had been looking at Nick as if she could taste him all day. Q brought the girl to Nick’s room and she knocked on the door. He had been playing video games in sweats and a t-shirt when he answered the door. He gulped hard, saw Q’s grinning face and he shoved her inside the room.
She was dressed in a low cut tank top and a tight skirt. Her accent was thick and when Nick asked her name she responded with something that sounded like “Gita”. Nick gulped when she approached him. AJ sat on the other bed, writing and listening to Bone Thugs on his walkman. He grinned at the girl, waved, and Gita pulled the young blond into the bathroom quickly.
She didn’t waste any time.
I sat with my feet underneath me Indian style on the hotel carpet. It was coarse and uncomfortable, but I didn’t really care because I knew what was happening in the bathroom and I knew that Nick wasn’t strong enough yet to make it stop. It felt as if someone was stabbing me in the chest. I had to control the rage at the girl for touching what I felt was mine. I had warned Nickolas about this when he had asked me to be his Spirit Guide. A soul mate was not the appropriate person because they were involved too deeply. And now the thought of someone feeling him so closely who didn’t even care made me want to jump through a dimension and strangle the girl with every ounce of energy I had. It wouldn’t be hard. I had killed for him in a few other lives. I could do it again.
Malcolm heard my thoughts. “Go in there, Ror. He needs you. And you can’t touch her, you know that. Punishment would be really severe. He’d probably tack on about 25 more lives of misery.” I knew what he was saying was true, but I couldn’t help my feelings. I knew that it would happen, I just had forgotten how strong jealousy could be. It would be worse being there. It would make me remember all the times I had felt him so deeply. It would make me long for a closeness we just couldn’t have when he was away from me. Sex had been one of my favorite things on earth. Especially with him. The deep sensual kind that only came from kindred spirits uniting as one the only way they could on earth.
I transferred my spirit into the bathroom. She was kissing his neck and had a look of ecstasy on her face. If she only knew the half of what he could be she probably would have passed out.
I tried to gain composure. I tried to reach deeply inside of him. I told him he didn’t love her and she certainly didn’t love him. I told him she was wrong to be with his first time, that one day he would love so strongly and fully that he wouldn’t know up from down and that would be the right time to do it. Yet, as always, I was locked out, and his mind was a brick wall that hurt when I slammed into it. My mind stung and I cried out. I couldn’t stand watching as she removed his clothes and her own in a hurried frenzy of hair and wet kisses that meant nothing. She was older and obviously had had many. She expertly took him into her and Nick’s face scrunched up in thrill. Men were always like that, so much more concerned about physical compatibility than any other type. It hurt me to see that it looked as if he was enjoying himself.
It finished quickly, as I knew it would. They collapsed in a heap onto the damp floor and Nick looked at the girl. She wasn’t that pretty, but Nickolas saw beauty in most people, especially girls. “Sorry it was so quick.” Nick apologized, surprised at his inhibition in talking to her. I stood up and went closer to them. Here was the path. This is where he would make a decision. This would be a major decisive factor on who he was.
“It was your first time and I’m used to it.” The girl said sarcastically. Sex was never really that big of a deal once the deed was done.
And then Nick took the turn and reached out, stroking her cheek, feeling a sense of comradery and a deep caring that was somewhat Don Juan-like. He scrunched up his eyebrows and looked into her eyes, smiling his sweet smile and making her melt in spite of herself. She touched his wrist and continued looking at his face, the earnest look of care, studying his every move.
He gently pulled her toward him and began kissing her deeply, passionately, the way I remember him kissing. The girl began to get weak and Nickolas was in awe at the way he was making her tremble. He had never had any power over anyone before and had never expected to have it over a woman. His entire life it had been a woman who had complete control over him. His hands roamed her body and she called out weakly, grabbing the back of his head and forcing his mouth to continue touching her.
Nick took her then in the bathroom. He really took her. She would, in fact, never be the same, fondly remembering the most passionate night of her life, recalling over and over again that no man was ever quite like that boy. He taught her things she had never even imagined, and as he taught her, he also taught himself. He took her all night and in the morning, he rubbed her forehead, making her feel as if she were the only woman on the planet, making her feel as if he loved her. And then he sent her away, kissing her deeply at the door, telling her he’d call her, both of them knowing full well they would never see each other again. That just wasn’t the way it worked.
The feeling of power was over-bearing for Nick. He felt as if he was on top of the world. All he wanted to do now was to have sex. He had reduced a powerful woman into a pile of quivering sighs and nothingness. He had made her feel amazing and by doing that it made him feel stronger than he had ever felt. Were all these women willing to let him do this to them? Give into him? God, he hoped so.
Nickolas walked over to his bed and plopped down on his back, looking up at the ceiling. He needed to get some rest before the show. And maybe he’d find a girl to be with that night. Find a girl to be with every night. And how awesome had it felt to sleep with someone next to him? The loneliness had been temporarily swept away.
I sighed as Nick drifted into a deep content sleep. His spirit would never learn, would it? Over and over and over again it happened. If he had only learned this time that sex would not cure his loneliness. But he hadn’t. And he wouldn’t in this life, at least not for a long time. And the road ahead would be very lonely, and I foresaw it full of nights with women who’s names and faces he would forget the next day. And I foresaw how eventually empty and afraid of love he would feel. And I sat there, the tears running down my eyes, feeling so hurt for him and by him and something inside of him let me break through in the smallest way as I felt the real feel of the soft blanket on his bed and raised it around his bare arms.
And since he no longer would let me in that evening and didn’t need me until morning, I went to a place at Home that was a replica of something I remembered from a life of my own, my first in fact, where we had met on our first lifetime. A lifetime we had shared with one another, so very long ago.
*****
I had somehow fallen asleep. I could not remember the last time I had slept. When I awoke in a haze, I felt him breathing. All over, all through me, and I realized that he was right there. He hadn’t been right there in so long that I wasn’t sure how to react. He completely enveloped me and I felt his warm breath all around. “Sunshine”. His spirit whispered. “Sunshine don’t be angry.” We were lying in the grass by the bluest river I had ever seen. It was the exact color of his eyes. Both of our bodies were completely bare.
“Hmm?” I whispered back. Why were we speaking with words? I was confused.
“It was right. It was the right choice. It’s going to be different this time, I know it. I’m sure of it.” He rubbed his nose on my neck and I closed my eyes, feeling him, savoring him for just a few moments before he slipped away for what would feel like an eternity. I hated that I was sensing time being without him.
“You forget that I know, I know the choices and the outcomes, and I don’t think this was what you wanted…” I was turning to him, but he stopped me and put a finger to my lips.
“Sunshine.” He had called me that because I filled him with light. His Aurora, his lifeblood. “Trust me, I know.”
I didn’t turn to look at him. I wished I had, because in a flash, he kissed my ear and then was gone, leaving me cold and shivering on the cool earth.
He was waking up and it was time for another day.
Part 4
Spirit Guide
NinasFiction
NinasFeet
