Chapter 12-The Morning After
Aaron sighed in his restless sleep, dreaming of a ride on a small plane, one of the prop
ones that he had flown in at the small airport near his house. He was high above the trees.
He was reaching out and putting his hands in the clouds. All by himself, yet not alone, he
flew and flew and flew. Aaron felt free, despite the rattling in his head, the beginnings of a
hangover, and a dry, dry mouth. Both in his dream and in his sleep, he moved his mouth,
trying to moisten it, and failing miserably. He stirred and rolled over.
It wasn’t in Aaron’s nature to be sad. He was hopeful, thoughtful, optimistic, grateful.
As he flew in the clouds his thoughts turned to the woman that he had fallen in love with.
Aaron aknowledged that there had been other girls, other women. He had even had sex a
number of times, despite his young age. He was cursed with maturity, at least maturity to
a certain extent. His entire life he had felt more comfortable with those much older than
he. His brother, his brother’s friends, his parents, his vocal coaches, his managers, his
tutors. They had all been confidants. He had only really had one friend his own age, and
of course his sister. But at times he even felt much more beyond her in wisdom and
knowledge. And so Aaron had always been much more attracted to older women.
Women his brother’s age, women even older than Nick.
And so, much like Nick, Aaron had experienced a plethora of differnt types of women.
He had charmed them, smiled at them, touched them. But there had never been a woman
quite like Green. He had felt drawn to her the moment he had seen her walk into the gas
station. And although Aaron aknowledged that very much of what he felt for her was
physical attraction, he also knew that it had been more than that, even at the very
beginning. As time drew on over the times they had spent together, he found himself
falling for her. Falling in love? Aaron wasn’t clear what falling in love exactly was. But
he felt like he was falling, most definitely. Into where, he didn’t know. And he was
powerless to stop it.
Aaron had enjoyed every moment he had spent with Green the night before. At the same
time, he knew that whatever it was they had felt earlier that night on the beach would have
to be supressed. For both of their well beings. Aaron’s heart felt so full, so elated, and at
the same time grievous, for he knew no matter how much he loved Green, it would not be
what she wanted or desired, or at least not what she could admit to wanting and
desiring.
Once again a small lump formed in the sleeping teenager’s throat. He swallowed and
sighed again, focusing now on the clouds far off in the distance.
Nick sat on the moon-chair in Aaron’s room. He watched his little brother and was
unsure how he could feel such contempt and such a desire to protect at the same time. He
envied Aaron’s love, his capability to let himself feel such a wonderful feeling. Nick had
spent most of his youth guarding his heart, trying his hardest not to lose it to anyone.
When he would let go of it, it felt as if the women he had found had desired only to stab
him in it, over and over again until Nick just turned those emotions off. And so he was
jealous of Aaron, who was quite obviously in love with Green.
Green. Nick sighed now. Green whom he genuinely liked, who he was genuinely
attracted to, yet was not in love with. Nick wondered if he would ever fall in love. If he’d
ever know what it felt like.
He coveted Aaron’s high spirits despite stormy weather. Nick was so different. There
were very few people whom Nick had entrusted, and even those few he wondered about
once in a while. He suspected ill of everyone, he had to, for his own sake. Aaron was
happy and content. Nick was sad and brooding. He reached for things to make him
happy and then was disappointed over and over again. Aaron never desired to be happy,
he just found it without looking. Nick hated that. He saw Aaron as very much like
himself, only his little brother lacked all the things that Nick saw wrong with himself, and
thus made him a better upgraded version of the first creation.
Nick breathed in deeply through his nose and his nostrils flared. He glared at Aaron, not
realizing it.
Aaron opened an eye and saw the shadow of his brother in front of the curtained late
morning light. He couldn’t have slept more than hour. At least, it didn’t feel like
it.
Nick nodded his head at Aaron. The younger attempted rising, pushing himself up off his
stomach with his arms, and falling down. “Oww.” He groaned and closed his eyes, face
down, into his pillow.
“Drank a lot.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement that Nick made. Aaron heard the
pop of a beer can and his stomach turned. Nick walked up to Aaron’s bed, and crouched,
handing his little brother a Bud Light. It was actually kind of warm because it had been
sitting next to Nick from the time he had sat down in Aaron’s room the night before.
Before Aaron had even gotten home. He hadn’t even seen Nick when he’d stumbled in
and threw himself into his bed, fully clothed, although quite rumpled.
“Here, drink this.” He said to Aaron as he pushed the can against the thick comforter.
Aaron shook his head but he turned so that he looked at his brother.
“It’ll make me puke.” He told him.
“That’s not really a bad thing either.” Nick set the beer on the nightstand and resumed his
position in the moon-chair, this time leaning off the edge, his legs spread with his elbows
on them. He stared at Aaron, piercing.
“What? I drank too damn much.” The younger said, slowly beginning to sit up, grabbing
at his throbbing temples.
“I saw you.” Nick said simply. “I went to go apologize to Green for something I had
done, and I saw you two, on the beach, half naked.”
Aaron wasn’t really surprised. This Christmas just kept getting more and more
interesting.
“What do you want me to say?” Aaron asked him. “You wanted her...I wanted
her...neither of us got her, though. Nothing happened.”
“Didn’t look like nothing to me.” Nick mumbled.
“Well it was. Its over now.” Aaron winced as he swallowed a gulp of Bud Light. “I
think.” He heard Nick huff. He looked up at his brother who, as usual, seemed beyond
melancholy. “Don’t be pissed at me now, man. I don’t think I could stand it. Let’s just
forget it. Its hopeless, me and Green. She ran away from me. Its over.”
“She ran away from us both.” Nick said contemplatively. There was that need to protect
again. He was angry at Green for taking advantage of his brother. Damn, she had taken
advantage of all of them, hadn’t she? Nick just shook his head.
“I’m not pissed at you.” Aaron looked up at Nick as he said it. “I’m just...I’m just...”
He didn’t let Nick finish. “I know, Nick.” Aaron wondered how it must feel to be as
despairing as his brother. He felt friendship and love and comradery with him, all wrapped
up with a great pity and longing, but there was nothing he could do about it, at least not
then.
*****
Much like Aaron, I had woken up early in the afternoon on the day after Christmas with a
pounding head ahce. I, however, could not pound back a beer to cure it. Instead, I laid
on the couch and let my mother bring me lunch, fart around to the left and right of me, the
cat on my lap purring and drooling, and pretty much feeling altogether sorry for myself.
Sorry for Aaron. Sorry for pretty much anything and everything.
I sat like that for most of the day.
“Why don’t you blow the stink off of you?” My mom asked me after dinner. She always
had such a way with words. “Go out on the beach.”
I couldn’t tell her that the memory of my hot and heavy oral escapades with a 15 year old
out there prevented me from even thinking of what the beach was like. I just shook my
head.
“Then go out to the store and get some milk for my coffee in the morning.” She told me,
walking toward her computer and flipping it on. I was tempted to ask her why she
couldn’t do it, but felt guilty, she had been serving me all day, the least I could do was run
to the nearest gas station and get some milk.
Gas station. I sighed. How it had all started. How I wished that I had never even gone to
the gas station that day. Then, I would have never met Aaron. Never met Nick.
“Lemme shower real quick mom.” I said as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the
faucet, trying to get the water as hot as I could possibly stand.
Nick. Had I done with Aaron what I had done because of Nick? Or was there really
something there with Aaron? Or was I just royally a screw up? The thought of both of
them, either of them, sent tingles up my spine, made me dizzy. How could I be attracted
to a gorgeous man who was unable to commit to anyone or anything AND be attracted to
his 15 year old brother who was just a kid with a crush on me? A big crush. OK, who
had obviously fallen for me.
And what would Nick think if he found out about me and Aaron? He would be repulsed,
wouldn’t he? He’d think I was just a dirty old woman...a child mollestor, a child mollestor
who had pushed him away when she really hadn’t wanted to.
“Christ, what’s wrong with me?” I mumbled as I stepped into the hot shower.
*****
The wheels of the car must have had minds of their own, because on my way to the gas
station, they drove to the Carter compound. Jane answered on the call box. “Come on in,
Green.” She told me as she buzzed open the gate. Why was I wishing she had told me to
go away?
When I got to the door I was greeted once again by a menagerie of dogs, little ones, big
ones, all well behaved, yet all glad to see me. I pet the jack russell terrier named Sparky,
and he licked my hand graciously. Jane was smiling, wearing a sundress that was a bit too
young and a bit too tight for her. I smiled back, not wanting to get on her bad side.
“Nick’s out by the pool.” She told me.
I answered too quickly. “Aaron.” I said it loud and it suprised myself. I sounded so
nervous, I couldn’t conceal it. Jane just raised her eyebrows at me. “I uh, I actually
stopped by to see Aaron. I, uh...”
“Aaron’s at his sailboat.” The answer didn’t come from Jane, though. Nick had walked
through the sliding glass doors off of the dining room. “I’ll walk you out there.”
I ventured a smile at Jane who looked questionably at me. The ring of the phone saved
me and she answered it, nodding me out of the room. Nick stood near the doors, so tall,
so tan, seeming so vulnerable. He blinked and I knew in an instant that he knew
something of what had happened. Perhaps everything. The hair on my back stood up on
end. He was going to drown me or something.
I passed him, quite coldly, through the sliding glass doors and out onto the porch. Bob
and Angel sat by the pool and were drinking what looked like from my vantage point to be
iced tea. “Green!” Bob yelled to me, waving a leathery hand at me.
“Hey.” I said, non-enthusiastically. We kept walking toward the dock. “I know where
the sailboat is.” I told Nick, trying to hide the shake in my voice. “I can make it myself.”
“Nah, I’ll walk you.” He said. He took my upper arm into his hand, a bit roughly, at least
for Nick who was generally quite gentle.
He heaved a sigh and I felt it against my arm. We were soon out of his father’s and
sister’s sights. “I hope you know what your doing, Green.” He said, very deeply. “Don’t
hurt my brother. You can do what you please to me, but not him. Don’t ruin him the way
I’ve been ruined.”
I stopped and turned to him. I wanted to put my hand on his face. “Nick.” I said. His
eyes were so sad, so beautiful. “The last thing I want to do is hurt your brother. And I
don’t want to hurt you either. And that’s why I’m here. To apologize to him...” Nick
looked away, toward the ocean. “...to you...I never meant to hurt anyone. I just came
here for Christmas and suddenly there were the two of you. And I know I’m not the only
woman to have realized how amazing each of you are. I thought it was a gift, that I was
getting two new friends. Maybe something more. But that’s not what it is. Nick please.
I feel like my heart is crumbling and I don’t understand why at all. I can take anyone’s
anger but yours. Please. Its all turned out bad. So, I’m finishing it. I’m leaving
tomorrow and neither of you will ever have to deal with me again.”
“That’s not...” Nick gulped. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to kick himself.
He wondered why the site of me in the sunset was so bittersweet and haunting. “It just
didn’t work out right.” He finally said.
Nick nodded toward Aaron’s tiny new sailboat. I could see him hard at work on the bow.
“Go easy on him.” He asked once more. But Nick knew that I would be.
I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and walked toward the sailboat. “Hey Green.”
I heard Nick call behind me.
“Yeah?” I turned and blocked the setting sun from my eyes.
Nick was just a shadow. “Don’t leave without saying good-bye, OK? I’ll be on my boat.”
“OK.” I said very lightly. I turned and walked toward Aaron.
Chapter 13
Summer Christmas
NinasFiction
