*Mavis* Greetings. My name is Mavis Beacon. Under normal circumstances, I teach typing. Today, we teach the fundamentals of Prozac, the anti-depressant of the millenium.
For starters, Prozac comes in two cool dosages...10 mg and 20 mg. Now personally, I prefer 10 mg for the pure reason that they're "little green pills". And if I wanted a stronger dose, I'd just take two...or ew...or four...or even more, depending on just how disturbed I am.
Prozac is a ceratonin enhancer. It fights depression, bulemia, obsessive-compulsive disorders associated with mania, heightened psychosis or just plain wacko-ness (wow, what a technical term there, Mavey). It takes anywhere from two to ew weeks to take an effect on the mood of the patient. This medication should not be shared with anyone else, and discontinuing use without weaning off of this medication could result in serious psychological disturbances. You should also never double up after missing a dosage, or you might do something seriously fucked-up.
Now onto my own personal story.
When I was sixteen, a dear friend of mine, Roland Skywalker, fell out of a speeding train. He struck his head on a large rock and became mentally disturbed. Sometimes, we would be sitting in his bedroom, and he'd lose bladder control while screaming something about acorns in his anus. I became so scared, I spent all of my days huddled in a corner of my closet, snarling at people who tried to approach, biting my family, pissing on the doctors feet. They were at a loss. I wouldn't eat, I never slept. All I did was rock back and forth chanting, "She is Me...He is One...She is Me...He is One..." No one could figure out why.
Finally, one day, they noticed that I was surviving by eating carpet fibers. When I wasn't looking one day, they coated my carpet with melted Prozac. They continued to do this for several weeks, when suddenly, I began to eat real food, slept and ceased to snarl, bite and attack others. Two weeks later, I was out of the closet and acting like a normal person again.
As for Mr. Skywalker, he was enlisted by the Russian Espionage Collaborating Mentally Disturbed Patients of the Americas. He was KIA during a secret battle on Endor with a man named Anakin, who is supposedly his half cousin.
Prozac worked wonders for me. And it can work for you. Just call 1-800-IMF-UCKE ext. D. Thanks for your time and attention.
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