Dear Someone

Your Favorite Nobody

Dear Someone,

I never thought there would be a point in my life where I had no idea what I was doing. A point where, no matter which way I turned, everything looked the same: utterly confusing. And maybe even worse is the fact that I can't seem to bring myself to care about any of it anymore.

Everything has been going downhill on a fast track to nowhere lately; my whole life has fallen apart. My parents separated, making me feel like everything my life was built upon was a lie; the people I love the most are dropping like flies (maybe that has something to do with knowing me?); and I can't bring myself to be honest with anyone anymore, because it only gets me in trouble. I used to have a connection with people but I shut off the main switch, you know? It feels like there's no one there, and even though I know everyone tells me that the only person you can really count on is yourself, I could really use some support... But the stands are empty.

I find myself turning more and more to destructive measures to lift myself up out of this chasm. Making myself hurt seems just somehow, like I'm the only one who can take the pain. I can't connect with anyone anymore, so I connect with myself. Does that make sense? I'm everyone's favorite nobody, but I want to be a Somebody. I want to be important to someone. I want someone to call me just to tell me they miss me, and that they love me. I want someone to see a black star and think of me. I just want to be like everyone else, is that so wrong? My entire life I've lived life as the "different" one, a stance I never asked for. Although I enjoy being my own person and having my own personality, there are times when I would give my soul just to have a circle of friends, instead of three local friends and ten long distance ones.

Sometimes I sit in the middle of my room and wonder if anyone would notice if I simply melted into the floor. Would they miss my laughter? My words? My writing? Me? Would my Muse find another subject? Or would they step over my body and go on living life uninterrupted? A single tear would be enough to drown my sorrow right now... A single tear that would be enough to show me someone else cares for me as much as I care for them. I wonder sometimes when emotions became obsolete; it's just not cool to feel anymore. But I'm sorry, I can't turn myself off like that. Instead of letting them continue to live uninterrupted, I will find a way to touch them.

Sincerely,
Your Favorite Nobody



~Sulkingblackstar~


1999, by RRV