"You And I, We Take It All In Stride" *

I'm sitting here trying to remain still. I'm fighting a losing battle. This song by Hayden, "The Hazards Of Sitting Beneath Palm Trees," always makes me squirm like I'm about three years old. And the fact that I'm sitting here eating (white) chocolate and drinking something which is chock full of caffeine probably doesn't help things any. But why should I bother to try and sit still? I'm not in school, I don't have to know what's going on. I don't have to follow directions. I don't have to adopt the glassy sheen of attention. If I so desired, I could sit here and scream the words to this song at the top of my lungs and bounce around in my seat like I was on fire, and no one would notice. There isn't anyone here at the moment, and even when there is, my mother is very oblivious to her surroundings.

I live in white Catholic suburbia America. The fact that I'm white is about all I've got going for me. I don't dress Gap, I don't spend three hours doing my hair and makeup (in fact, I don't even wear makeup... gasp!), and I don't have a boyfriend. (Nor am I actively seeking one out.) On top of that, I don't sleep around (seeing as I don't have a boyfriend, what else would I be doing?). I'm not prejudiced, close-minded, racist, or overly arrogant. I don't listen to Marilyn Manson, Korn, Bush, DPX (or whoever they are), or Snoop Dogg. In fact, most people have never heard of half the bands that I love. ("Radiohead? They sing that Creep song, don't they?") But it's all cool with me. Everyone's got their own preferences and they can do what they want with their lives. The thing that astounds me is that they can't let anyone else be unless they're exactly like them. I get harassed all the time for not fitting the 'norm' mold, and instead shattering it to bits. And they do not understand that I'm comfortable with myself.

"It's funny how you want more when you're happy." That's what Hayden says. Maybe he's right. The kids that want everyone to be like them... well, one would assume they're happy. They appear to be, and if you'd like to judge on material wealth, they have no reason not to be. I think that if I was driving around a 1997 Volkswagen Jeta and didn't make car payments on it, and didn't have to work because my parents paid for anything that I wanted, I'd be pretty happy. I know you can't always judge on outward appearances, but it's hard not to, you know?

I just wonder why some people feel such a need for conformity. People being different is what makes the world the way it is. If we could just accept that, there'd be so much less fighting in the world, and so much more happiness. I love being who I am, being unique, and being precious. Making people a common mass makes them less precious. They become a dime a dozen. Why would we do that to our own species?

-sulkingblackstar-

* Title Taken From a Song by (guess who?) Hayden