Wishing Upon A Star

July 14 -- Mad at the World

I have this feeling that I’m letting other people control my life and emotions, and it’s really getting to me. Problem is I haven’t figured out how to grab control back for myself. Working on it though.

It’s time to whine and moan about the chorus again. I just find it so frustrating to put so much time and energy into serving on committees, learning the music, taking on the show chair job, doing the emceeing, and being on all these different creative teams, to be slapped down on a regular basis.

The current point of contention is the emceeing. Now I’ve been doing this for about eight years. What it involves is writing introductions for songs when we have performances. Sounds simple enough, but it requires research and time. I don’t ever write anything out verbatim, I tend to bullet salient points and adjust what I want to say to fit the audience. To me that is the biggest part of being a good emcee, being able to relate to the audience and tailoring your material to fit the occasion.

For example, what I say to a group of shoppers at a mall may be far different from what is appropriate for senior citizens in a nursing home. Make sense. Know your audience.

Well, this upstart who has decided that she want to emcee to overcome her fear of public speaking, is now telling the rest of us how to live. She wants it timed to the minute, and done word for word each time…kind of like a Stepford wife.

Now if this was Shakespeare or even a Rogers and Hammerstein scripted show, which would be one thing….but that is not our purpose. Our job is to set up the songs for the audience, make them feel comfortable and welcome, and relax them into enjoying the music.

I don’t think this should be done with military precision. Yes, we should eliminate too much white space, but there is a need for everyone (audience included) to breathe!

So last night I get to rehearsal and video cameras are set up. We are going to perform in "performance mode" (as opposed to rehearsal mode, which can be rather dead in some people), and the emceeing is going to be taped and critiqued. Now my friend who is the other veteran emcee has decided she’s not going to do this, strictly on principal. She’s tired of being bashed too. If we’ve been good enough to last through ten years and six directors, why should this start now? Excellent point.

We are also both teachers and public speaking is a daily part of our life, whether it be to a group of kids, parents, or colleagues. I never get nervous before I emcee. I only get nervous if I have to sing in a quartet or alone in front of the chorus.

This is actually weird, because I’ve sung solos in all sorts of variety shows, and have played characters who have solos in various musicals (Miss Hannigan, and the grandmother in Pippin among them), but ask me to sing in front of the chorus and I freak. My voice cracks and shakes.

Back to the saga……

The problem was that I arrived late and didn’t have a chance to talk to the director privately (as Dee did). So all of a sudden I was emceeing six songs, when I should have done three, and ended up having to wing it.

Now I wing it well, and I always have some semi-prepared material for each song…but still. I should have said no, but I was standing in the middle of the chorus and am one who believes in taking the road of least resistance and not making a scene.

This is my mistake because now I’ve been pissed for hours, barley slept last night, and have had all sorts of imaginary conversations in which I saw all the things I wanted to, but held back on.

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

This is now leading to a bigger question. Who is going to critique what I did?…it better not be the upstart or the witch who is currently running the committee. And what criteria is being used for this critiquing?

This is making me physically ill, I’m losing sleep and I’m getting more and more upset. I’ve loved this chorus for so long, and it’s been so important to me, but all this is making me wonder if it’s worth it.

How do I give up a twenty-year hobby?


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