Depression
I haven’t written for the last couple of days because I am so tired and so down in the dumps that I can’t bring myself to do much. I seem to have sunk into a black hole and all I want to do is sleep.
Work is tough, but that is nothing new. I spend my time testing, writing reports and trying to keep things from blowing up in my face. This is my typical day, but then that has been my typical day for the last twenty-three years.
So that has no bearing on my mood.
or maybe it does.
I just know that I am not happy and can’t pull myself out of it. This seems to be happening to me on a more regular basis, and it’s often a winter thing. I can tell you when I ‘m down and I can tell you when I’m up and happy.
I’m seriously beginning to think that I have a mild bi-polar disorder. I don’t seem to have a middle ground I’m either way up of way down; there is no in-between for me. I was talking to Dee about it last night and she think that it just has to do with being a creative person, because we care so much about what we do and feel so much.
Maybe.
I just know that it’s an effort to drag myself through each day. The alarm goes off and my first thought is about going back to bed later in the day and what time I’ll be able to do it. By the time I get home from school I’m ready to go to bed for the rest of the night, and it’s only about five o’clock at that point.
This is not good, this is not normal. I just don’t know how to overcome it. I have decided to try taking St. John’s Wort for a while. It’s supposed to be a natural remedy for mood. I figure taking them can’t hurt.
I spent today sleeping. I mean that quite literally.
I got up at 9:22 this morning, went back to bed at 11:30 and didn’t get up again until 2:30. This is a pathetic way to spend a day off. I just have no real desire to do anything.
I still haven’t totally gotten this place into looking the way I would like it to look, but I just can’t muster up the energy to do anything about it.
I did make a quick run to Office Max to get a storage cart for stamping supplies, as it was on sale until tonight. I also stopped and got the new Savage Garden compact disc. They had a movie called "French Kiss" on sale for $6.99, so I picked that up too. It has Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline in it.
I could have a Meg Ryan film festival. I could alternate between "You’ve Got Mail", "Sleepless in Seattle", and "French Kiss". Which would be an improvement over "You’ve Got Mail" fifteen times a week.
The actual purpose of going out was to get something for dinner so I stopped and got a fried clam plate. Now I don’t feel too fabulous.
So I think I’ll go back to bed.
Listening to: Savage Garden
Reading: The Pilot’s Wife Anita Shreve and Letters from New York Helene Hanff
Weather: 60, sunny
Trivia: What was the best throwing weapon before bows?
Before the bow and arrow were invented about 15,000 years ago, a simpler weapon was used to throw long darts with great power and accuracy. The atlatl [at-LAT-ul] was invented at least 25,000 years ago, and is still used by Australian aborigines. The atlatl is a stick about 60 centimeters long (24 inches), with a notched hook at one end. Into the notch is placed the end of a flexible, feathered "dart" that is at least 150 centimeters long (59 inches) and possibly longer. By flicking the atlatl quickly forward, the user is able to fling the dart toward the target with tremendous speed. Recently, there has been a surge of interest in the atlatl. Its physics are surprisingly sophisticated, involving temporary storage of energy in the flexing of the dart as it is thrown. Enthusiasts are now designing ever-better atlatls using high-tech materials, and there are world-wide competitions.
Cool word:tabula rasa [n. TAB-yuh-luh RA-suh]
Tabula rasa describes anything, especially the mind, that has not yet been formed or developed. It also describes getting a fresh start or a new opportunity. Example: "At birth a child's mind is tabula rasa, ready to receive knowledge." This word is Latin for smoothed or erased tablet. In ancient Rome, notes were jotted down on a layer of beeswax held in a wooden frame. When writers were done with the text they would erase it by smoothing out the wax. Erase is similarly derived from the Latin e- (out) and (radere) to scrape, scratch, or shave. Aristotle was the first to compare the mind to a blank slate but it was John Locke who developed the concept that man is born without understanding and gains knowledge through experience.
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Horoscope
ARIES
You are going through some deep rooted changes in attitude as you become more aware of your hidden assumptions and conditioning stretching right back into early childhood. Although you may believe you have a right to get what you want when you want it, this is going to come up the reality of the situation when you must postpone some pleasures and purchases till when you can really afford them.