I had yesterday off from work because it was the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah (Happy New Year to my Jewish friends), but I was still transfixed by the coverage of the disaster. I can’t pull away from it.

Monday night Letterman returned to his program and I pretty much wept through the beginning of the show, this man (who usually cracks me up) was so visibly moved, and so upset that I could feel his pain.

His guest was Dan Rather who BROKE DOWN TWICE!! Dan Rather, one of those people who seems so stoic, so always there and in charge. At one point he even grabbed Letterman’s hand. Then he apologized, which received a response of "Good Christ, man, you’re only human!"

The comment that Rather made that really got to me was when he said that we’d never sing the verse of "America the Beautiful" that says "Thine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears" with the same emotion again. It will forever have different meanings.

This is so true.

I particularly noticed it at Mass this Sunday. The Cardinal had said that all churches would celebrate the special "Mass for a time of conflict and war" and had said that the last song should be "God Bless America". He also declared that the second collection would be for the victims of the disaster. The monsignor at my Mass decided that it would be a silent collection. No music at all. He announced that he wanted it to be the largest second collection in the history of the parish. (This is a wealthy parish, too.)

It was extremely powerful.

And I found myself donating two dollars to the church, but twenty to the special collection.

I started crying at communion when the hymn was "Amazing Grace". Others around me were surreptitiously wiping tears away from their eyes as well. But it were the two recessional songs "America the Beautiful" and "God Bless America" that did just about everyone in.

Now this church is known for its music. It has a great choir and organist, but the congregation doesn’t always sing. (Of course I do.) This time I don’t think there was a single silent voice, and the place was packed. We all struggled through our tears, and sang with shaky voices that were at times strong, at others barely a whisper, and cracking with emotion. But we sang.

ON the way out you could see that nearly everyone was in tears or glassy eyed. Men, women, children, teenagers, middle aged, elderly. All were affected. They even had boxes of tissues at the exit of the church.

Most of us took one.

But I wonder if we’ll ever be back to normal. It feels as if nothing will ever be the same, and no matter how far we get this whole incident will forever shape who we become.

The spirit of patriotism is huge. Flags are on cars, on homes, red white and blue are everywhere. This nation is showing its national pride in a big way.

I started making flag pins from a rubber stamp that I love and shrink plastic. I wore it to rehearsal and ended up with an order for about 25 of them. I’m charging four dollars each for them, will replenish my shrink plastic, and donate the remaining money to one of the disaster relief funds.

It’s not much, but it’s something.

I have a board meeting to run tonight for the chorus and I wish I didn’t have it. I would like to be home to hear what the President has to say. He’s addressing a joint session of Congress tonight.

Eleven days ago I never would have said, "I want to hear what the president has to say." I would have been thrilled to have a meeting so I wouldn’t have to watch him.

How I wish I could still feel that way.