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Liz Parker was sitting in a lounge chair on her roof, looking up at the stars, just like she had done since she was a little girl. The past few months of her life had been the hardest ever. And now, it seemed to be coming to a close. That thought alone was a relief to Liz. After everything that had happened, she felt so emotionally drained and discouraged that several nights she had lain in bed and seriously considered leaving Roswell. On those nights, when she had lain awake crying softly for hours, the only thing that she could think to do that might, in some way, stop the aching she felt inside, was leave and say goodbye to everything and everyone in Roswell. But then, she had thought about Max; about his face and never seeing that again. Even if they couldn't be together, completely removing Max from her life was to hard to even consider doing. So, she had pushed the thoughts of leaving out of her mind and weathered those terrible nights as best as she could. She couldn't help but smile thinking that those nights would finally be over.
Liz looked away from the stars and picked up the felt-tip pen and leather bound journal that sat on the table beside her. She opened the journal to the first blank page, uncapped her pen, and began to write:
"I'm Liz Parker, it's February 15, and for the first time in a really long while, I really do think everything is going to be okay."
1 Month Earlier
It had been 2 and a half months since Liz had told the biggest lie of her entire life and broken two hearts in the process; one being her own. She thought that eventually the initial pain of it would subside and that it would become nothing but a distant memory, but it was the complete opposite. Every night she fell asleep thinking about it, hoping that by morning it wouldn't hurt anymore. But every morning when she woke up, it was there again, like a slap in the face. And it was stronger every day.
It had all started when a version of Max from fourteen years into the future traveled back in time with an urgent message for Liz. Her mission was to come up with a way to make Max fall out of love with her in order for Max to fufill his destiny with Tess and save his home planet. She had lied and made it look like she had slept with Kyle Valenti. And since that night, the look on Max's face when he saw Liz and Kyle lying in bed together had haunted Liz. Every time she closed her eyes, the only thing she saw was the pain in his eyes.
It was mid-January now and life had become nothing but a monotonous chain of events for Liz. Everyday was the exact same thing; wake up, go to school, go to work, do homework, go to bed. And the only thing she thought about the entire day was Max and every moment they had ever shared together. She thought that she understood what was to happen, but actually watching Max fall out of love with her was the largest hell she could imagine putting herself through. She was still in his life, helping him, Isabel, Michael, and Tess discover and defeat their enemys. There had even been one occasion when Max had asked Liz if she had indeed slept with Kyle, saying that once he heard the answer he would never ask again. And she had lied; again. She nodded and could almost see the very heart in his chest splitting in half. She watched him go, wanting more than she had ever wanted anything in her entire life to scream "No!" at the top of her lungs. But, despite everything, Max had agreed to try and be friends. She had even saved his life while he was in New York with the duplicate versions of Issabell and Michael through telecommunication.
But since Max had returned to Roswell from New York, things between Max and Liz had been quiet. Christmas and New Year's had passed without much, if any, conversation between them.
It was a Friday night and Liz was just getting home to the apartment above her family's diner "The Crashdown" where they lived. After school had let out that afternoon, Liz had spent the entire afternoon at the library until it closed at six that evening. She opened the doors of the diner and walked in to a busier than usual Crashdown. Liz had the day off but her best friend Maria was working furiously taking orders and delivering food to tables. Liz glanced around quickly and spotted Max, Issabell, Michael, and Tess sitting in a booth talking and looking serious, as they often did when they were together. As soon as she saw them she jerked her head, not wanting Max to notice her. As she walked through the diner quickly with her head down, Max glanced up and watched her dissapear into the back of the restaurant. Before she could escape to the apartment, Maria grabbed her arm and pulled her off the first step.
"Liz! A little help would be really nice!!!" Maria practically yelled.
"Look, Maria, I'm really sorry, but could you just handle this without me? It's really not a good time..." Liz mumbled, her eyes wandering.
"Liz!!! Like, two million people decide to show up today and you want me to handle it?!?!" Maria yelled as she threw up her arms in exasperatation. Liz looked down and bit her lower lip, guiltily.
Maria sighed and said calmly, "Okay, Liz, I know Max is out there and you don't want to see him right now, but Michael is out there, too! I need your help! Please Liz!"
Shutting her eyes, Liz took a deep breath. "Okay, Maria. Can you just give me a few minutes?"
"Oh my God! Thank you, Liz! Babe, I love you!" Maria said, smiling and grabbing ahold of Liz's shoulders.
Liz trudged upstairs slowly and went straight to her room. She changed into her waitress uniform and walked downstairs. 'Okay, Liz, forget Max is even in there! Maria needs your help, she is your friend! Be there for her!' Liz thought to herself as she entered the kitchen.
For the next two and a half hours, Liz ran around the diner taking orders and delivering food. She thought little of Max but noticed out of the corner of her eye that he and the gang had still not left the diner. At nine o'clock the diner closed but it was apparent to Liz and Maria that Max, Issabell, Michael, and Tess had something to discuss with them. About that time, Alex walked in and greeted Maria and Liz. Liz had overheard Maria earlier on the phone with Alex, they planned to see a movie at 9:30. They had asked, even begged, Liz to go, but she declined, like she had done for the past few months.
"Guys...," Max began, "could we talk to you?" He finished, looking in the direction of Liz, Alex, and Maria. Liz avoided eye contact with Max and looked to Maria, "I'm not feeling very well I think I'm just going to go upstairs and go to bed..." she trailed off walking towards the back of the diner.
"Liz, wait!" Max called after her. Liz stopped walking but didn't turn around. "Could you stay, please? This kind of involves everyone," Max said. Liz reluctantly turned around and walked to sit with Maria and Alex, who had already taken seats at the nearest table beside the booth where Max, Issabelle, Tess, and Michael sat. Liz was actually interested in hearing what Max had to say; she just wasn't up to seeing him with Tess so much lately.
"Okay, the thing is, nothing has happened for a while now," Max stated. There was no reply, but everyone looked at him, confused at where he was going with the conversation.
"And Issabelle has been having these dreams...about something big happening..." Max continued, looking down at the table.
"What kind of things?" Alex asked, still confused.
"Well, we don't want to say, until we know for sure. You see, the dreams that Issabelle had were kind of unclear, but we know that something really big is about to happen," Max said seriously, looking from Maria, to Alex, to Issabelle and Michael, and to Tess, but always avoiding eye contact with Liz. No one was really sure what to make of what Max had just said, so everyone sat quietly, thinking and absorbing what he had told them. Maria was the first one to speak.
"So what are you trying to tell us Max?" she questioned, referring to herself, Alex, and Liz. "That you have a secret that you can't tell us? What?" Maria continued.
"What I'm trying to say, is that everyone should just be careful of what they do; who they trust." Tess nodded in agreement with Max. "There were strange people in the dreams that Issabelle had. We've never seen them before. They could be skins, or shape shifters. We don't know,"
"You don't know much of anything these days, Max, do ya?" Maria interrupted, half talking to herself.
Growing impatient with Maria's sarcasm and lack of understanding, Max said abruptly, "Look, we're just trying to look out for you guys. Just be careful, ok??" he said, frantically looking around the room.
Liz, who had not said a word since she had sat down, said, barely above a whisper, "Okay, we'll be careful," making eye contact with Max for a second and nothing more. Alex agreed and Maria said, extracting all sarcasm, "Okay, Max."
"Okay...," he said quietly.
Maria got up first and Alex followed. They began talking about the movie as Maria headed to the back of the restaurant to change. Issabelle, Michael, and Tess walked to the door, but Max stayed behind to talk to Liz, who was still seated and the table, and seemed to be lost in thought.
"Liz?" he ventured, not taking a step closer to her. Max had been extremely distant, both emotionally and physically, since he had finally accepted that Liz had supposively slept with Kyle. And Liz didn't blame him a bit. At this point, Liz was just glad that Max didn't completely hate her.
Liz snapped out of the thoughts of Max and what was to come and looked up at him, where he stood, at least four feet away.
"Are you okay?" he asked cautiously.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just have a headache." She got up, pushed her chair in and mumbled as she turned around, "Bye, Max."
"Bye...Liz," Max said back, hesitantly.
Liz said bye to Maria and Alex as they walked out the kitchen door to leave. They asked her again to come but she declined again.
Liz started up the stairs, walking up slowly, thinking of how far away Max had stood just a few minutes ago. 'He can't even stand to be near me anymore...,' Liz thought sadly. She felt the tears coming again, like they always did anytime Liz had free time to think about him. She blinked them back quickly and opened the door to her room. It was only 9:30, but she was going to bed. She went into the bathroom and turned on the water to take a shower. As she stood under the practically burning water, she couldn't help but wonder, 'So is this just it? Is this how my life is going to be from now on?' But she knew, more than anything else, if she couldn't have Max, then life really couldn't get much better. But she had made a decision, and she couldn't turn back on that now. 'I had to do it. There was no other option. I did the right thing,' Liz tried to convince herself. She got out of the shower and changed into a pair of pajama pants and a white tank. Her parents had gone out on their weekly Friday Night Date, so Liz left them a note saying goodnight. As she lay down in bed, she tried to sleep, but she quickly found that her brain was still wide awake with thoughts of Max. Grabbing a blanket, she got up and walked outside on to her roof. Taking her journal from the secret spot where she hid it, Liz sat down in the lawn chair on the roof and began to write:
"I'm Liz Parker, it's January 15, and this entry will probably sound exactly the same as many of the ones before it."
Liz wrote for an hour and a half. She wrote about Max mostly, and then some about the life she had been living since she had lied to him. That's what Liz felt like: she didn't feel like she had done the right thing at all. She felt like a liar. And she had lied to the most important person in her life.
She capped her pen and tucked her journal back into it's hiding place and went to bed. She was still thinking heavily about Max, but she had to get some sleep.
At 10:00 o'clock the next morning, Liz's phone rang loudly on her nightstand. She had been sound asleep, but the phone woke her immediately.
"Hello???" she mumbled groggily.
"Liz! Are you still asleep???" Maria said, sounding chipper as ever.
"Yeah, what is it, Maria?" Liz said grouchily.
"Get up, we are doing something today," Maria commanded.
"We are?"
"Yes we are! You, me, and Alex. And dress casually, jeans or something," Maria continued.
"You aren't going to tell me what we are doing?" Liz questioned.
"Nope! It's a surprise! But hurry, Alex and I will be by to pick you up at 10:45 on the dot! Bye Bye!" Maria exclaimed as she hung up.
Liz wasn't really in the mood to do anything, much less get out of bed, but she knew if she didn't, she would have to hear it from Maria for God only knew how long, and that was something she wanted even less then getting up. So Liz got up and hurried to take a shower.
After blow drying her hair and smoothing it back into a high ponytail, she put the minimal makeup she usually wore and preceded to find something casual to wear, as Maria had instructed. She ended up deciding on jeans, a white baby tee, and Nike's. By the time she arrived downstairs to the Crashdown, it was exactly 10:40. She looked around at the diner. It was practically empty as was typical of a Saturday morning. She walked outside and looked across the street at the UFO Center. She wondered if Max was working today. She looked down the street and saw Maria's red Jetta speeding down the empty street.
The windows were rolled down and Maria and Alex were smiling huge. Liz was immediately suspicious.
"Liz get in!" Maria practically yelled. Liz got in the backseat and Maria speeded on.
"So Maria, really, where are we going?" Liz asked, still sounding grumpy.
"We, Liz, are going to the park!" Maria said, a little too excited.
"And why are we going?" Liz questioned.
"Because, we need to have some good ole' fashion happy go lucky kindergarten fun! And what better place to have that than the park?" Alex piped in. His analogy made Liz laugh.
They spent the entire day at the park, kicking a soccer ball, throwing a frisbee, picnicing, and just laughing. At five that afternoon, as the sun was beginning so set over the dusty horizon, Liz was still having an absolute blast. She plopped down on the blanket that was spread on the ground.
"I am soooo exausted!" Liz exclaimed, stretching out on the blanket.
"Liz, I hate to say it, but you, are a wimp," Maria said, sitting down beside Liz.
"Yeah, I have to agree there, Liz," Alex shrugged, pretending to be serious.
"Oh, shut up guys!" Liz laughed loudly. Liz was exausted, but not just from the physical exertion of the day. It had been a day of fun; a day where Liz had actually forgotten about Max for a little while. She knew that when she got home, and went back up to her room, all the sadness would return, but right now, she needed some relief. She shut her eyes as the bright blue sky began to turn a deep shade of orangle and purple. Just as her mind began to wonder, thoughts of Max began flooding in, and she knew she had to get up before the thoughts overtook her. She could cry later, but not now, not in front of Alex and Maria. Standing up abruptly, Liz almost stepped on Maria.
"Liz! What is it?" Maria shrieked.
"What? Oh...nothing. Are you guys ready to go?" Liz said, changing the subject.
"God, Liz! I thought a bug was in your hair or something!" Maria said, trying to steady her shaky voice. "Why do you want to leave now?" Liz looked down at Maria and Alex who both had questioning looks dawning their faces.
"Um, I'm..just, um, well you know, I'm tired," Liz mumbled, looking at her feet and then up at the sky. Maria and Alex both knew she was lying, but they both agreed silently not to push the issue.
The three friends began packing up their sports equipment and picnic basket into Maria's trunk when Liz got a strange feeling: the feeling that someone was watching her. Still holding the picnic blanket in her arms, Liz turned around slowly and looked around the almost empty park. A couple walking hand in hand away from the park; parents rounding up several children to go home; a woman sitting on a park bench reading a book; nothing out of the ordinary. 'So why do I feel so strange all of the sudden?' Liz thought to herself. She turned to face the car again, where Maria and Alex were still talking and loading the trunk. Liz stood for a moment more, and then turned around again.
It was then that she saw it. Two men is suits. They weren't walking together, but about fifteen foot away from each other. They both wore dark sunglasses, and as soon as they noticed Liz looking at them, they looked away quickly and walked in a different direction.
Maybe that wasn't such a strange thing, but Liz still felt strange about it. Something was up.
When Liz arrived home, she was still weirded out by the men in suits and sunglasses. Maria and Alex hadn't noticed, so Liz decided not to say anything. The men had continued walking away, and Liz had gotten in the car and left.
But it still bothered her. They looked so much like...feds. Liz hating even thinking that. 'But they couldn't be from the FBI!' Liz thought to herself. "That would be impossible...the special unit was dissolved..." Liz mumbled to herself as she slowly opened the door to the Crashdown. She glanced quickly around the restaurant. Two new waitresses were sitting, looking bored, at the bar, and the rest of the diner was empty with the exception of an old couple, and surprisingly, Isabel. Liz walked slowly to where Isabel sat at a corner booth.
"Isabel?" Liz ventured slowly. A worried look graced her soft face as she stared at the wall with wide eyes.
"Um, are you okay...Isabel?" Liz said again, sitting down slowly across from Isabel.
Isabel closed her eyes and looked down quickly. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I just asked if you were okay," Liz said, still worried about Isabel.
"Oh. Um...yeah, I'm fine, thanks," Isabel half-whispered, looking all around the room, but never directly at Liz.
"Are you sure?" Liz continued, still trying to figure out Isabel's strange behavior.
"Um, actually, Liz, no, I'm not okay. I came here to talk to you," Isabel finally dragged her eyes up to meet Liz's. Liz didn't move.
"Um..." Isabel started, "you know the dreams that Max told everyone I was having?" Liz nodded slowly. "Well, I didn't tell Max, or anyone for that matter, but, Liz, you are in them." Liz didn't move. Why would she be in them? What did this mean?
"I don't really know what they mean," Isabel said, seeming to read Liz's mind. "But...." she hesitated, "things are happening...." she swallowed. "Not good things, Liz."
Now Liz was starting to get scared. What was Isabel talking about? Would this have anything to do with the men at the park???
And then, Isabel spoke, again, almost reading Liz's mind. "Liz, there are these men in the dreams, they look like Peirce. Like Feds. From the special unit."
Liz's heart almost stopped. "Oh, God," she whispered.
Isabel continued, "Liz, I don't want to scare you or anything, but these men, in the dreams, they're looking for you."
Liz's mouth dropped open. "Why???" she questioned Isabel.
"I don't know, Liz, but...if you see anything at all, any men, any.."Isabel looked around cautiously, "any feds, stay away from them Liz!"
"And then do what, Isabel? What do I do after that? Just keep running away?? If they're really feds, then they'll find me anyway, right? What do I do? What do I do, Isabel?" Liz said frantically, raising
her voice.
"Liz, calm down! I told you, I don't know! Just be careful okay? We don't even really know yet, if this is real. Maybe it's just a weird dream I'm having," but even Isabel sounded doubtful of that one.
"So will you just be careful, Liz?" Isabel said while sighing.
Liz kept thinking. She had no idea what to make of what Isabel had just told her. 'Should I tell her about the men in the park?' Liz thought. She didn't really know why, but Liz decided against telling Isabel. "Okay, I'll be careful," Liz whispered in a hoarse voice.
Isabel seemed to relax as soon as Liz agreed to be careful. "Okay," she breathed out heavily. "Oh, and Liz, don't tell Max, okay?" Isabel said while standing up to leave. Liz looked at her questioningly. "He's just really stressed out right now," she paused, "about a lot of things," she trailed off. Liz guessed that one of the things stressing him out was her betrayl. 'I'll take that as Isabel knowing what I did,' she thought to herself. Isabel mumbled goodbye and breezed out of the diner. Liz didn't move. She felt like such a traitor. 'But why would Isabel tell me to be careful if she thought I had betrayed Max?' Liz couldn't think of a single reason why. She shrugged off the thought and proceeded to go upstairs. It was almost six o'clock now.
As she opened the door to the apartment, her parents greeted her from the kitchen.
"Hi sweetie! Did you and Maria and Alex have a good time?" her mother asked while chopping an onion.
"Yeah, we did," Liz said, smiling at the thought of the fun they had had.
"Well good, are you hungry, Liz?" her Dad asked.
"Um, not at the moment, I'm just going to go to my room for now, if that's okay..." Liz trailed off, walking slowly backwards toward the hall. Parent encounters were really not things Liz was up for these days. Playing happy was too hard for her but explaining the situation wasn't even an option.
Immediately both parents began to worry. "Sweetie, are you feeling okay?" her mother put down the onion, eyebrows starting to furough in worry. Her Dad looked the same way.
"Yeah, I'm fine!" Liz exclaimed, a little too excitidly. 'God, Liz! Get a grip! Even your happy act is suspicious!' she scolded herself.
"Well, okay, if you're sure..." her mother said, still looking worried. Liz smiled again and dissapeared down the hallway. 'Geeze! What is wrong with me? I was about two seconds from cracking in there!' she thought, relieved to finally be away from the pressure of talking to her parents.
Liz flopped down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. She lay there for several minutes lost in thought. 'What am I going to do now?' she thought over and over again. But Liz wasn't thinking of things to do out of boredom. Her goal was thinking of things to do to keep her mind off of Max. She closed her eyes. 'How am I going to do this?' Liz thought as tears began to gather. 'I can't even stop thinking about him for a day, how am I supposed to get through the rest of my life???' Liz was now starting to feel frantic. 'And then there's those guys in the park, and Isabel's dream, what am I suppose to do about all of this?' Tears began rolling down Liz's cheeks and onto the bed. Deep down, she knew why she was freaking out so much. In the past, when things had happened that might scare Liz, she had never been scared, because she knew that Max there, and they could go through it together. But now, she had practically forced him out of her life for supposively a "good" reason, and she was scared. She had no idea how to deal with what Isabel had told her. She didn't even know how to deal with her life now that Max wasn't in it.
Liz jumped up off the bed quickly. She couldn't think about this now. Grabbing her coat, she told her parents she was going on a walk and breezed out of the apartment before they could object. She didn't slow down, or even look to see who was in the diner as she pushed open the door and started down the street. Because if she had looked at who was in the diner, she would have noticed the two men from the park, waiting for her, sitting in the same corner booth that Liz and Isabel had sat in just minutes ago. |
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