The matter of where I was to stay was settled. I was going to move in with Paul until I found a flat (if I ever did...). Later on that day I went back to John’s home and got my things. John was quiet for a long time while I was packing up my things. I did feel guilty about leaving John all alone in such a big house, but still, I didn’t like being watched by him constantly. I had made my decision, I was going to try and build a relationship with Paul. I had told George my decision, but strangely enough he didn’t have any comments to make. George was a strange man, yet he was a great friend. John drove me back to Paul’s and he helped me with my luggage. John stayed for a long time, and when he was finally getting ready to leave he asked to speak with me alone for a moment.
“Char, I respect your decision. Don’t worry about me, after all Paul has always been quite the charmer. If you ever need anything or anyone, just remember I will always be there for you, just give me a ring or come around knocking. Besides I can still love ya, just in the friendly sort of way,” John said with a laugh.
“Wait did you just say that you loved me? Oh John, how can you love me? I am just a simple country girl with one hell of a life. I just got lucky when I met you. John, I will always be here for you too. It isn’t like you are loosing your best friend,” I said looking up into his mesmerizing eyes.
“Love can be a strange thing, but remember what I said. You should stick with Paul, luv. I know I am not loosing you as in friendship, but I am going to miss out on something much deeper,” He whispered leaning his head down.
“John, I am so sorry. It’s just that I don’t want to hurt Paul, or you. I am just really confused right now,” I said leaning my head up so I could see his eyes more clearly.
“I didn’t mean to make you sorry, or make you worried about me. Just forget I said anything. I think I should be leaving now,” John said and then as he was about to turn our lips met. I couldn’t help it. Something was drawing me into it. John’s arms wrapped around me like he never wanted to let me go, but after a moment he pushed me away and whispered, “No, love, you have McCartney, I would only hurt you. You want a bright and shiny knight, that is what Sir Paul is for. Don’t choose me.”
John left rather quickly after that. I went up to my new room, and began to unpack my things. I couldn’t help it, but I kept thinking about what had happened between John and me, and what he’d said. I began to cry, and as I cried, more and more memories came flooding back to me, but the memories that came back weren’t about John, they were the memories that had made me leave my home in Devil’s Pit. As I thought about my life back when I had lived in Virginia, I began to cry more and Paul must have heard me, because he came into my room to see what was wrong. I had been sitting on the bed and he came to sit down beside me. “Oh, luv, what did John say?” He asked.
“No, this has nothing to do with John, it’s just that I was thinking about something that happened a long time ago. I just realized that I have been trying to run away from the bad things that have happened to me, and well I just stopped, and I began to remember,” I croaked through my tears. Paul lifted my tear stained face and kissed me.
“Would you care to tell me what happened?” He asked.
“I wish I could tell you, but I just can’t. I‘ve never told anyone, and I am just not ready to try and face it yet. I mean...” I trailed off.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be here whenever you are ready to tell me. Just remember if it happened so long ago it shouldn’t be able to hurt you now, luv,” He whispered, as he lightly brushed some of the hair, that had fallen into my eyes, back.
“Oh, Paul you don’t know the half of it,” I said to myself, but he heard it, because his eyebrows arched and he looked at me in concern.
“If you want you can sleep with me, I won’t try anything, I promise. It seems as though you need someone to comfort you, and now you have a very willing volunteer,” He told me as a innocent grin passed over his incredibly handsome features.
“How can I refuse the McCartney charm? After all it is so well known.”
“That’s the spirit, luv. Now get all cheery and dressed for bed...” He trailed off and went to his own room.
I found a nice light cotton night gown, that was fairly long. I went to join him in his room and he looked up at me with a smile. He drew back the covers beside him, and patted the mattress. I soon joined him in bed. He began to kiss me, and put his arms around me, but I stopped him. “I’m sorry Paul, but I am not ready for that yet. I just came in here to sleep. I am sorry if I led you to believe that, but well...” He kissed me and that stopped me in mid sentence.
“I understand. You just aren’t ready to go that far yet. Losing your virginity only happens once and it should be special.” He said. I began to cry once again after he said that, and I felt his arms around me. My head was resting on his shoulder and he was whispering comforting words into my ear. My mind began to race with memories. It happened so long ago, and I have held it in for so long, maybe I should tell Paul. It may make me feel better to tell someone.
“Paul I think there is something I should tell you. I am tired of holding back, and I need to tell someone. It has something to do with why I act so tough, and why I cried on the airplane...” I trailed off as more tears came to my eyes.
“You don’t have to tell me tonight if you don’t feel up to it.” He said kissing my cheek.
“I feel like I need to tell you though. It happened back in Devil’s Pit, that’s where I am from. That was where I got into trouble, and what happened made me leave everything behind, including my family. When I got to New York I thought I was free but now I realize that I can never be free of what happened unless I let it out,” I said trying to summon up the strength to go through what I had just started. Just as Paul was about to tell me to go on, the door below slammed shut.
“Bloody hell, who could that be?” Paul said.
Just then George came in to let Paul know he would be staying the night, when he noticed me in Paul’s arms, my face covered in tears. “Am I interrupting something?” “No George, Char was just upset, and needed some comforting.” Paul answered, “By the way why are you here?”
“Oh, I got in a fight with Pattie... Hey I can always go over to John’s if you two want to be left alone,” George said looking at me.
“No, George, it’s okay. I mean, well I was just caught up in some really awful memories, so Paul was just trying to be helpful,” I said and then I noticed George look at Paul and smirk. “Not like that! Anyway I don’t think I am really ready to open up that old wound right now, I am still very confused.”
“Okay, luv, but just remember you can stay in here if you like. I won’t try anything,” Paul said looking at me with genuine concern on his face.
“No, that’s okay. I think I am going back to my room. I’ll be fine Paul. G’night George, night Paul,” I said and went out the room. Once I got out into the hallway George stopped me. “I am sorry if I interrupted anything. I just had to get away from Pattie, I mean she was really upset with me... Hey if you do decide to open up, with anything that you want to keep a secret, but you just can’t hide anymore, my door will always be opened to you, kay?”
“Okay George I promise.” I told him and smiled. I had found a true friend in George, and maybe even a future here in London. I began to feel a little better as I headed to my room. I went to sleep, but my memories still plagued me in my dreams.
I woke up the next morning screaming, my memories of the past had come back to haunt me in my dreams. As I realized where I was I noticed two very frightened faces appear in the door way. I looked up and blushed. “What was all that screaming about?” Paul asked.
“Just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. I am sorry if I scared you. Did I wake you two up?” I asked sheepishly.
“How could we sleep with you shrieking like a banshee?” George sarcastically remarked. He noticed my face turning red with embarrassment, and continued in a lighter more concerned tone, “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just really early for us to be up. So what was the dream about?”
“It is ten-thirty in the morning, you call that early? Oh um I was dreaming about something that happened to me, bad memories just won’t leave me alone I suppose,” I said with a controlled shrug. Inside I felt really shaky, and it must have shown in my voice because Paul came over to me and held me, and George put one of his long graceful hands on my shoulder. Paul tipped my face up and kissed me. “Don’t worry love, you are safe here. Nothing will ever hurt you again, if I have a say in things. I care about you, Char. I’ll always be here for you, and I promise to protect you always,” Paul said.
I still couldn’t understand why Paul didn’t say he loved me. I just gazed into his eyes, and I saw something there. He appeared to be sincere. I kissed him and embraced him like I would never let him go. I was glad to know that he would be there for me. I needed someone solid in my life. I needed someone to love, but I still couldn’t decide if I was really in love with Paul, but I felt like it would happen soon. George cleared his throat and asked about breakfast, and I finally remembered that he was there. Paul suggested a small diner a couple of blocks away, and we all got dressed and went out to get some breaky.
John had woken up at about ten-thirty that same morning, to a shaky feeling that something was wrong. He usually never woke up before twelve unless he absolutely had to. He tried going back to sleep, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe I should get up and go check on Charlene. That’s a stupid idea. She is McCartney’s girl. I can’t be with her, no matter what. Besides she is too innocent for me to corrupt. John decided to go into London to get some breakfast. He showered, shaved, got dressed, and took off in his Rolls Royce.
We had already ordered when I noticed John entering the diner. He was wearing a hat and I hardly recognized him at first. I told Paul and George that I had to go to the bathroom, and would be back in a minute. I went up behind John and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hello, Winston. Didn’t expect to see you up so early, so you want some breakfast, why not join Paul, George, and me over there. We have already ordered but you can join us if you like,” I said.
I led John back to our table and as I sat down I noticed George smirking. “What?” I asked.
“How did you find John in the loo? Usually he doesn’t get up until long after twelve, and he is never usually that perky this early if he has a day off,” George said looking at John.
“Oh, I didn’t exactly make it to the bathroom, I still need to go though,” I said getting up and heading to the bathroom to do the things that needed to be done in a restroom. Once I was relieved, I washed my hands and went back to the booth. I ended up sitting next to John.
The food came shortly after my “grand” entrance, and the guys dug in like there was no tomorrow.
“Don’t you guys ever eat at home? Is this your first meal in days?” I asked.
They all looked up a little sheepishly. “When we are on tour we seldom eat good food, unless you count room service, but we hardly ever get to eat that, so when the opportunity, of eating good food in peace comes around, we just jump into it. I’m sorry if we are being rude,” George blushed.
“Don’t feel bad, I did have three brothers and a couple of sisters once. I know how guys can eat, trust me.”
“Why did you say had and once? Is there something you aren’t tellin’ us? What happened to them? They didn’t die did they?” John asked. He looked at me like he was trying to read me.
“No, John, they didn’t die. I am just not related to them anymore.”
“How can you not be related to them anymore?” George asked.
“Well, right before I left Devil’s Pit to come to New York, I got into some trouble, that my father thought was highly disgraceful. Anyway he disowned me, and told me never to set foot in his house again, and to never claim any member of his family as my own. I am no longer related to them. At least he let me get all of my things before I left. He didn’t want the memories of his ‘lost’ daughter!” I said bitterly as my eyes filled with tears.
“I am sorry that I brought back such terrible memories. I didn’t mean to upset you,” John said. Paul glared at John and I put my hand on Paul’s hand and shook my head.
“It wasn’t your fault that Walter Bracken is an asshole.” I said.
“You changed your name?” They all said in unison. They appeared to be a little shocked at the fact that I changed my name.
“Yes, I did. Since I was no longer in that family I wanted no claim on it. So Cheryl Bracken died at eighteen, and Charlene Brunswick came into existence. Not even my roommates know that. I told them that my family died, so that they wouldn’t ask questions,” I told them, looks passed between all three of them.
“I never would have guessed that you had such a history...” Paul began.
“You haven’t heard the half of it, but I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I said firmly and that put an end to further questions about the “death” of my family. There was a lot of small talk after that, and talk of an upcoming single.
John couldn’t believe what Charlene had just revealed. What could she be hiding that hurts her so much? Why can’t she just say it? Maybe I will ask her when we are alone sometime. After everyone had finished eating, they went there separate ways. Paul took George to his home. George wanted to apologize to Pattie and hopefully move safely back in. John went to a book shop, because he was running out of “good reading material” at home. That left Paul and Char alone. Paul couldn’t help but wonder what Char was hiding.
Paul wanted to get out of the house and play the tourist bit, so he put on an old man disguise, and we took a tour of the Beatle homes. Paul thoroughly enjoyed it, but I can’t say that I found it highly amusing. Girls were shrieking and fainting over a house, when there was an actual Beatle on that bus! The last stop on the tour was John’s home, before the bus was to return to England. Paul wanted to stop by John’s house so we got off of the bus and Paul had a key to the padlock on John’s gate. As we entered Paul locked the gate back, and then turned around and pulled off his disguise. Most of the girls at the gate fainted, shrieked, cried, or a combination of those. Paul then swept me up into his arms and kissed me in front of them. We heard an eruption of screams, but we ignored them, and just went about our merry way hand in hand up to John’s front door. Paul knocked and John answered the door, a cigarette in hand, grumbling, until he saw me and managed a smile.
“Hey, how did you get here? I don’t see a car,” He asked with amusement.
“We took the bloody tour mate. I can’t believe those birds pay two pounds for that! Not to mention the fact that they didn’t even recognize me until I pulled off me disguise safely behind your gate. I actually thought those crazy birds were going to climb the gate, John!” Paul laughed.
“So you faced dangerous perils of birds just to see me, eh? I always knew you were daft Macca, but that was bloody insane!” John burst out laughing, and gestured us in. “Do you think I should lock the door, just incase one of those daft girls does manage to get over the gate?”
“Yeah you bloody idiot, unless you want them to come in here taking souvenirs, and us!”
We followed John into the solarium, used as his living room, and we just hung out and talked. John showed me some of his reading materials, and I was impressed. He had hundreds of books just littering the floor and tables. Not to mention shelves full of them. He told me I could borrow whatever I liked and whenever I wished. I picked up several, and asked him about it. “Take whatever you want. Just ask me. This isn’t a bloody library, we’re friends!” He grinned at my astonished look. John certainly is an overpowering guy, but that is why I love... like him so much. Something in my face must have told John what I was thinking, because he got a good laugh from it.
We talked for hours on end, and I loved sitting there in John’s living room talking about nothing in particular. When the subject of war came up, John became very animated. “What is the point of useless fighting, over land and money, when innocent people are slaughtered?”
“John I wish I knew, but as long as people can only see differences and hate because of it, there will always be some bloodshed over land or money. I find it all so blind. Why can’t people just see others as they are, different but with feelings? It is just wrong to kill so many people, or to control them against their will,” I sighed.
You certainly aren’t in the dark on this little topic. How do you know so much?” Paul asked.
“Back in New York I had to comfort my roommates whenever one of there family members got drafted. It was a nightmare, Jenny wouldn’t stop crying for hours when her brother got drafted,” I answered with sadness seeping into my voice.
“Were any of your former relatives ever drafted?” John asked looking me straight in the eyes.
Tears began to fill my eyes. “My brother Jackson would have been drafted if he hadn’t died. He was older than me, and before I left he was on the roof helping Walter, when he slipped and fell. After he died, I got into the trouble that sent me packing. I don’t know about anyone else, there is a possibility that Mike has been drafted. Janice use to write to me occasionally, but she stopped when Walter found one of my letters to her, so now I don’t know anything about them.”
“That son of a bi...” John left off when I began to cry. Choking sobs wrenched from my throat as memories of Jackson drifted through my mind, and then I went on to the more painful memories. All the while John held me in an embrace, and they were both trying to comfort me.
“I think you should stay here tonight, Paul, unless you actually want a blind ole bat driving ya home tonight,” John said. It made me laugh and John winked to Paul.
“It would probably be safer here,” Paul commented.
“Wise decision indeed,” John said in his old geezer impression, and finished in a posh British accent, “So will you be in separate rooms, or do you wish to stay together?”
“Separate for tonight,” I answered before Paul had a chance to comment.
“Very well then. You sir will be across from the lady in the guestroom on the left, and you will have your usual suite,” John continued in that posh accent.
“Thank you kindly, sir,” I gushed in a southern drawl.
Paul and I went to our rooms, and John went to his. I cried myself to sleep thinking about my poor brother Jackson, he would always be my brother, after all he died before everything happened. When I finally drifted to sleep I had another nightmare about my memories. I began to scream, “Quit touching me! Get away from me!” When I noticed that someone had been putting a cold washcloth on my forehead , and holding my hand. I looked up to noticed a very astounded John looking down at me when Paul burst into the room.
“John, what are you doing here?” I whispered, as I grabbed my pounding head.
“I heard you moaning, and when I came in here I felt your forehead and you were burning up, in fact you still are. Were you dreaming?” John was concerned, I could see it all over his face. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”
“No it was just a nightmare. That’s all. I’m sorry I scared you,” I sighed.
“Care to talk about it?” John said, while delicately wiping my sweating brow with the washcloth.
“Not right now, it was just a nightmare, that’s all.”
“Char, was it the same nightmare you had last night?” Paul asked, finally joining the conversation.
“Yes, but I am just not ready to talk about it. Ugh, my head hurts,” I grasped my aching head and moaned. “Get me some aspirin.”
John went and got the aspirin, and after I had fallen asleep I assume that John and Paul went to back to bed. I didn’t have any more dreams for the rest of the night.
I woke up at about twelve-thirty the next day, and as I went into the kitchen I heard voices, “Yeah, she has been having those nightmares now for two straight nights.” “What could make her so scared? All she has to do is tell us. We would understand.” “But, John, the main thing I am worried about is what could have happened to her that makes her have these bloody night...” Paul stopped in midsentence when he noticed me standing in the doorway. “I use to only have the nightmares right after I moved to New York, but they eventually went away after awhile. Now they just came back. Maybe because you guys remind me of my brothers, because you care about me so much.”
“We will always care about you, Char. You are a friend, and well I just speak for myself and George, only Paulie knows what he feels about you,” John smirked.
“Thanks John. You are so sweet, just one question though,” He looked up at me questioningly. “Where the hell is breakfast? My stomach is talking to my back bone!”
“Woman, if you want it you fix it!”
“Fine! Paul do you want anything?” I asked.
“Sure scrambled eggs and toast,” He said.
“I’ll have the same, thanks,” John put in.
“If you want it you fix it!” I replied to John.
“Cor, I thought I was being sly by slipping in me request!” John and Paul ended up on the floor from laughing so hard.
“Fine since I’m already cooking I can always squeeze in some extra for you, but next time, be nicer with your requests!” I snapped. That made them laugh harder if it was possible. Finally with tears streaming down their faces, and terrible stomach aches, their laughter subsided.
After we ate, we talked, and I borrowed a few of John’s books including a copy of In His Own Write. He told me I could keep it, because he had an extra copy hanging about somewhere. He drove us back to Paul’s apartment. Paul invited him in for a drink, but John just told us he had something to due today. John left, and Paul and I had the entire day to ourselves. We went in, got settled, and then began to talk. As our conversation began to get really deep, the phone rang. I answered it.
“Hello,”
“Hi, Char, ‘ow are things going?”
“Oh, everything is great Richie. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. I was calling to see if you and Paul were up to coming to a little party I am having tonight. Everyone is going to be there, and Maureen and I would be really glad to have you.”
“Okay Rich, give me a sec. Hey, Paul, you up to going to a party tonight at Richie’s?”
“Sure, luv,” Paul replied.
“We will be there, but what time?”
“The party is at eight, okay?”
“Sure, Rich. See ya then. I can’t wait to meet Maureen and Pattie! Bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up as Ringo said bye.
“Paul I have nothing to wear!” I shrieked in excitement.
“Don’t worry, luv. We can always go shopping. Besides I need to get something for John anyway,” Paul said putting his arm around me.
“Oh, no! Today is John’s birthday! Well come on let’s go!” I said as I broke away from his arms and ran upstairs to get my purse.
We got into Paul’s car and stopped at a clothing shop. I found a gorgeous red dress, that was simple yet elegant. Paul agreed with my decision, and then asked what size I was. I told him a size six. He got a sales lady, and bought the dress, and a pair of red sandal pumps to go with the dress. I had to admit that Paul had great taste in clothes. We soon found ourselves in a jeweler’s store. I saw some identification bracelets, that were becoming really popular. I wanted to get one for John, but the one that I wanted to get had a diamond on it and cost a hundred pounds.
“Hey, luv. I saw you looking at those bracelets. Is that what you want to get John? I can loan you the money if you like, and when you get your bank account settled you can pay me back then,” Paul told me.
“Okay, Paul, but I will pay you back. I promise,” I whispered.
I told the jeweler what I wanted engraved on the bracelet, and he set to work. It was ready in about an hour. I thanked him, and then Paul and I headed of. I didn’t tell Paul what I had put on the bracelet. I only wanted John to know what it said. When we finally got back to Paul’s flat, it was six-thirty. My how time flies when you are shopping. I ran up stairs and took a shower. I dried off and found a blow dryer for my hair. After my hair was dry I put on my dress, fixed my hair, and put on some make-up. When I finally got down stairs Paul whistled.
“You are going to knock them dead, luv. You look wicked!” Paul said in bewilderment. I suppose I did look like a knock out with my long black hair flowing freely behind my back, and the red dress did look good on me, not that I am conceited or anything, but I looked very wicked. I smiled at Paul’s reaction.