I never realized that finding an outfit would be such a chore. Or maybe it was my excitement about the prospect of going out. I had not been out to dinner in so long. My life was pretty boring, if I was getting this excited about having dinner with Rick and Abby.

I was getting sick of the school's cafeteria and leftovers at midnight. I needed to get back into the world of the living. My life was pathetic. It was all about school. So, tonight was going to be part of the new Michelle.

The Michelle who wanted to have fun and experience life.

To let the past slip away, and stop tying her down.

It was time to make a clear break.

I should have known that it would be not that easy.

Nothing about my life was very easy anymore. There would always be something in the way.

Or someone.

Danny.

His memory was always there standing in between anything that I did.

Dinner had been nice. I had usually found Rick's sense of humor to be annoying but tonight, it was just what I needed. Anything to distract me from my boring life. An escape from my dreary existence. For the first time in awhile, I felt alive. I felt normal again.

I had missed my family. Rick had always been there for me, and I had pushed him away, but now, I wanted my brother back.

Tonight was a new beginning. The past would finally be put in the past.

That is until the past would be across the room. I nearly fall off my chair when I notice Danny sitting at a table with his grandmother and Pilar. My breath begins to come in short gasps as my gaze stays on Danny.

Panic begins to form in my chest. I was praying that Abby and Rick would want to call it night. Unfortunately, Rick had seen Philip in the corner, and decided to go talk. My resolve was slipping fast. I had to get out here fast. I couldn't run the risk of having Danny see me.

The letter was supposed to be my last contact with Danny. I couldn't bear to see the look in Danny's eyes. I could only imagine how much he hated me. I am sure that the letter had not done much to change his opinion of me. I just didn't have to the courage to face him.

Abby had noticed my distress, and started to engage me in a conversation. I was grateful for the distraction. Maybe, Danny would just disappear into the night, and stop haunting my every thought. Even in my dreams, Danny never leaves. He will always be there in the shadows.

Always in my dreams but never in reality.

On shaking legs, I walk over to the bar, before I even make it halfway, an arm stops me in my tracks. I try to pull away but the arm just tightens. I bit my lip in pain, trying not to make a scene. Desperately, I look around the room, in hopes to catch someone's eye. Apprehension starts overtake my body. I can't find Rick, and there are too many people on the dance floor, so my view to our table is blocked.

I notice there is a small gap in the crowd, and decide to get in clear view of someone. Tears start to well in my eyes, as the person's other arm comes around my waist. The grip on my arm tightens, and silently, I wish that I wore a dress with sleeves.

To my dismay, the only table in view is the table where Danny and his family is sitting. My mind is racing, trying to figure out a way to get someone's attention without causing a scene. In a quick motion, I feel myself being propelled in a circle. When I open my eyes, I try to focus on the skyline, but it is all a blur. I feel so dizzy, like the room is spinning.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to calm my nerves. The music in the background starts to ring in my ears. My body feels like it is on a rollercoaster.

Then I feel myself being pressed up against a chest, and I can smell the alcohol on my 'partners' breath. Wincing in pain, I struggle to break free but that only makes my companion angrier, and he begins to shake me. Grabbing his shirt, I try to steady myself, and scan the room for help. My companion notices my gaze directed at Danny's table.

Leaning forward, his mouth comes up to my ear. "I don't think so, gorgeous. Danny Santos is not your type, and plus, he is too busy with that pretty brunette. You and I are going to have a good time." He hisses

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Danny's attention was focused on me. Silently, I pray that Danny will help me. I have never needed Danny more than I do now. Suddenly, I feel my companion's grip on my arm loosen.

Hesitantly, I lift my eyes from the floor, and notice Danny had pinned one of his free arms behind his back. Howling in pain, the hand on my upper arm falls to the side. Slowly, I start to move backwards, but my knees are shaking so bad, that I stumble and don't notice the chair behind me.

In slow motion, I feel myself being pushed onto the ground, and my head making contact with the side of the chair. The sharp pain is the last thing that I remember before the whole room went black.

My eyes snap open. Blinking my eyes, I try to adjust my eyes from glaring sunlight. Slowly, I try to lift my head but the sudden movement makes me feel dizzy.

My head is killing me. Vaguely, I remember falling down. Frantically, I glance at my body to see if there any bruises or marks, I let out a sigh of relief when I don't notice any.

Gingerly, I lift one hand to my head, and gasp in shock, when I feel a bandage on the back of my head. As my fingers brush the bandage, my body winces in pain, and my head starts to pound. The pain medication was not working anymore because it felt like my head had bricks on it.

Laying back on my pillow, I try to remember what happened. Nothing comes to mind. Squeezing my eyes shut was only making the pain worse. Frustrated, I fling off the blankets, on my bed, and try to slide off the bed.

Before my feet even hit the cold floor, my body sways forward, and I have to grip on the side of the bed to prevent from falling. A sharp moan comes out of my mouth as my head starts to ache again.

Fighting the waves of nausea, I crawl back to the middle of the bed. As I glance around the room, tears start to prick the back of my eyes. Pounding my fists on the sheets, I try to grasp for anything memory, any memory from last night. Nothing. I had never felt so helpless in my life.

What the heck was wrong with me? Lately, all I have been is a bundle of nerves. Maybe after all those months living with Carmen was catching up with me.

The Santos house was so cold and so empty. The atmosphere had unbearable and became part of my being. The slightest show of emotion seemed to be wrong. Being part of that household, a part of me just died.

I was forced to push any feelings that I had away. I had turn off my emotions because they didn't seem to matter in the Santos world. Then there was Danny. It had been so easy to shut off every feeling around Carmen, but around Danny, it was different.

Everything about Danny was different. He had displayed such an enormous capacity for emotion that it overwhelmed me. He just oozed feeling. Danny had this presence, an aurora, surrounding him. He was like a magnetic. A force, which exuded everything sinister and cold about his world, and yet, held such a potential to be so much more. His passion for life and his family scared me. It was also hard not to be swept up in that feeling.

He had represented everything that I had wanted and craved but his family had scared me away, and instill this fear in me. It had been so easy to want to hate Danny. Afterall, I had grown up to hate his 'world.'

There was not supposed to be anything good in his world. He was not supposed to stir up so many different emotions inside of me, and awaken a part of me that I had never known had existed.

Now, I was alone. Constantly reminded of my own stupidity. I had gone against every principle that I held. I was guilty of judging Danny because of his name, and being so cruel to him because he had turned my life into a three-ring circus. He was the reason that my own heart and soul would never be the same. His presence in my life could never been erased. He had wormed his way into every part of my life, and will never let go.

All that I was left was bittersweet memories. My broken heart would always be a reminder of Danny. Nothing but memories. I'm sure that Danny would laugh at the irony of the situation. I was the same girl who had crushed his heart, his hopes and dreams, taunting him that I would never love him, that I never wanted him.

I let out a bitter laugh when I think of my behavior. I had been so cruel, so cold. The same behavior that Danny had been showing me lately. I was getting a taste of my own medicine but I had no idea how bitter it would taste. Still, there was a small part of me, knew that Danny cared about me. Deep down, he still loved me. It was there but he had built this wall around him. I just had to peel away those layers to find my husband.

Who was I kidding? I would never get that chance anymore. I could never expect Danny to come back to me now. It was impossible. He was too hurt and too loyal to his own family that he would never forgive me. He would not be seen as a fool again. I couldn't take away his last shred of dignity. I couldn't rob him of his own pride.

Never.

I couldn't kill the rest of his soul. I had to make sure that something of my husband stayed intact. There had to be some good left in him. I could not stand by and watch Danny become Carmen.

Not Carmen.

Anything but Carmen.

The whoosh of cool air drags me back to the present. Tearing my eyes from the blankets, I notice Rick standing in the doorway, with a grim look on his face. My heart starts to beat wildly. I can sense that something is wrong. I can feel it with every fiber of my body.

Danny, he should be here with me right now.

I can't do face this alone. I can't be the strong one anymore. I am just too tired.

I know that nothing will ever be the same once Rick walks back out that door.

Nothing.

Go to Next Part
Back to the Aftermath Page
Back to Main Page