Three days have passed since Michelle's encounter with Danny.
Every now and then I drown in thoughts of yesterday
And the fools paradise that you blew away
I feel you beside me again and remember when
You came to my window on a dark and stormy day
Baby I need you now
Tonight I'm crumbling down
Sinking in the memories
Shadows of you keep washing over me
Long ago
You used to want me
Now it's all so far away
But you still haunt me
And take me back to yesterday
--Mariah Carey, "Long Ago"
As I pace up and down the hall, I try to calm myself down. I was just so anxious. These tests were very important, and the results would determine the next course of action.
I have been waiting for over an hour now, and the longer that I wait, then that must mean that the news is not going to be good.
I shouldn’t be surprised. I have been extremely lucky so far. The doctors have told me that my syptoms could be a lot worse, and my eyesight would be a lot worse.
At least I can still see. My eyes may hurt and ache but I have still have my sight intact. So, I should not complain too much.
I am still able to enjoy living a normal life. That still does not make the news any easier to swallow. There was a good possibility that the news would only get drearier and more morbid.
My friends and family would soon learn the harsh realities of going blind. It was not going to be pretty. It was unfair for me to expect them to carry me through this. This orderal was probably getting to them. There was only so much a person could take.
Then why did Danny have to reappear now? I could not have him in my life now. Maybe a month ago, I could have been open to the idea of having him back in my life, but not now.
Things were just beginning to go down hill, and there was no way that I was going to have Danny stuck into this. He probably had his own life to worry about. He didn’t need to worry about me. There were too many strings attached.
Danny.
Damn. It took all my self control not to pull him into a hug. He still looked so handsome. A little bit older but his eyes were the same.
His eyes which held so much passion and desire. The same eyes, which caused my insides to melt, still carried me to another place. The pull was still there. All those forbidden feelings had been unleashed.
It was so hard to ignore them. It was like they were waiting for me to reach out and grab them. Oh, why did he have to come back now? Why are you doing this to me, Danny?
Why?
Sighing, I realize that I am going to drive myself crazy, if I don’t stop thinking about Danny. I think that being back in the hospital was really getting to me. I had to get out of here for awhile.
Grabbing my sweater, I let the nurse know where I am going, and I walk towards the park to clear my mind. Breathing in the fresh air, my nerves start to calm down.
Just being outside helped me. It was like all my problems just drifted away. I needed that escape. Reality would soon swoop in, but for now, it was my time to have some comfort.
Everything would be okay, Michelle. You have made it this far. You will make it.
And I believe, in this moment, that I will be fine. Things will work out for the better. All those chains and burdens have disappeared into the air. I just hope that I will feel the same way when I step back into the hospital.
Slowly, with a new sense of determination, I hop off the bench, and start to walk back to the hospital. Suddenly, my path is blocked, and I am about to say something when a soft voice startles me into silence.
“Hello Michelle.”
Damn, Damn, Damn.
It’s Danny, who is smiling ear to ear. I guess that his new hobby is to show up everywhere I go. Old habits die hard.
I try to stifle the groan in the back of my throat, and plaster a smile on my face. “Danny, this is a surprise.” I say sweetly.
Danny gives me a skeptical glance. “I am not following you, Michelle, if that is what you are worried about.” he says annoyed at my presumption.
“I never said that you were, Danny.”
Danny rolls his eyes. “Your face says enough.” He points out.
I needed to get out of here fast. I was not going to stick around, and wait to see what happens. I knew that being around Danny that my façade was going to fail me.
“Danny, I really have to go back to the hospital, they are waiting..” I stop abruptly. I couldn’t tell Danny the truth, because if I did then he would insist on coming with me. I had enough problems to worry about, and I didn’t want to add Danny to the list.
“Well, I will walk you back then.”
“Danny, I don’t think that..” My voice trails off when I notice the determination sparkling in his eyes. I had seen this expression before, and I knew that no matter how much I protested, Danny would not relent.
“Alright.” I say, sighing at my defeat.
Instinctively, as we are about to cross the street, Danny grabs my hand, and covers with his own. His warm hand causes shivers to shoot through my body. It just felt so right. As we reach the hospital, my grip tightens. Danny gives me a soft smile. “You know, Michelle, I could use that hand in the future.”
Embarrassed, I loosen my grip, and drop my hand from his. Danny notices my embarrassment because he takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
“Everything will be okay, Michelle.” he says reassuringly.
Danny moves closer to me, and I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks. He peers into my eyes, and slowly takes my other hand into his. I am so caught up in the moment that I don’t hear Rick calling me name.
The sound of Rick’s booming voice breaks the spell around us. Danny immedialtey moves backwards. I am so mortified that I can’t look at Rick.
Suddenly, I feel myself being propelled into the hospital. Rick is standing in front of me with a furious look on his face. I know that this look has nothing to do with any test. He was outraged to find me with my ex-husband. I had been telling him that Danny was not in my life anymore.
Oops.
In a matter of seconds, Rick’s mood changes and he is back in his professional mode. In a serious tone, he says, “Michelle, there is something that we need to talk about.”