Aftermath Part 7

When I let out go, I cursed myself with empty hands
Strong enough to watch you walk, but not enough to understand
With spiteful eyes, you burn for my grace
I was trying to stand outside this, you were trying to save face

You can say that I don't care, you can hope that we still have something left to share
Just between you, baby and me, there's not nothing
---Indigo Girls, "You Left It Up to Me"

Glancing at the papers in my hand, I begin to make my way around the buildings.

I have always hated this part of college. The endless lines and the inflexible professors.

Nobody seemed willing to give me a break.

My life has just become one big battle.

I was 20 years old for heaven sakes. My life was not supposed to be like this. My life should be about school, parties, and friends and not death threats, or a hateful mother-in-law who wanted me dead.

At 20 years old, a person is not supposed to worry about their failed marriage.

I missed my simple life. I craved the boring rituals that I had always hated.

That old saying was right. You never miss anything until it is gone.

Just like Danny, a voice whispers. Just like Danny.

I was becoming good at pushing away thoughts of Danny.

It had been hard to admit to myself but I had finally given up on the idea of being with Danny.

It was too late. I was not going to be with Danny just to satisfy my own desires.

Even in the parking lot, it was obvious that Danny had acted out of lust. Not love. His love for me had died that night at Millenium.

I had killed his passion, his deep connection to me. I had crushed his heart. Why the hell would he come back to me?

I would just go on living my life, and leave my heart with my husband. I was young. I still had my whole life ahead of me. I might even find someone else to love. I would just chalk my marriage to Danny as a mistake.

A marriage doomed from the beginning. Danny and I never had a chance to make it work. It just wasn't mean to be.

Aleast that is what I keep trying to tell myself. For awhile, I actually believed it. It would be so easy to just pretend that nothing had happened, and that I could go on with my life.

I couldn't. Standing here at Springfield University, I was desperately trying to take back my life and rebuild the life had lost. It is hard to fix something when some of the pieces are missing.

Especially the most important piece. The piece which held everything together.

Danny.

Danny. The man that I was not even supposed to like had now become the one person who held my future in the palm of his hand.

The same person who had the power to end my life in a blink of an eye.

My husband.

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