I have never been a patient man. I have always thought that old saying “Patience is a virtue” was a load of crap. There are times in life when patience can only make the situation even more unbearable. This has to be one of those times. I feel like a caged lion. I am trapped and there is no way out. That’s how I feel right now. I need to get out of here before I go stir crazy, but I can’t. I can’t abandon Michelle. I have to help her. I need to help her.
I hate hospitals. All I can think about is Papa when I am in one. They were supposed to save him but they didn’t. Admist all the doctors and machines, Papa still died. And now, I am back in the one place that I swore that I would never step foot in. Maybe the doctors can help Michelle, because I can’t. I have never felt so helpless in my life. My wife may be losing her sight again, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But I have to be strong for her. I have to show her that I will stick by her no matter what.
I finally decide to go to Michelle’s room, but I am not prepared for what I see when I get there. Michelle is on the bed, and Jesse is next to her, talking to her in a quiet voice. Pain shoots through my heart when I see Michelle smiling at Jesse. She has never smiled at me like that. It hurts so much to watch Jesse and her together, because I know that she will never look at me like that. She will never care about me in the same way she cares about Jesse.
Our marriage is a farce, and my wife could care less. I want to be the one who makes Michelle smile. I was her husband, and I was supposed to make her happy. I was supposed to take care of her. I should be the one that she wants by her side, but instead, she wants her ex-boyfriend.
But Jesse is a fool. He does not know me, and he does not know Michelle. He thinks that he loves Michelle, but he will never love her the way I do. Jesse can’t give Michelle what she really wants. And I will not have Jesse telling me how to take care of my wife. I know better than he does. I can make Michelle happy, only if she would let me. I want to prove to her that I am the man for her. I am the person that understands and respects her needs and wishes. But it still hurts when Jesse is able to comfort her, and not me.
You can’t do this. You can’t torture yourself like this, I tell myself. To my surprise, I find myself at the door of the hospital chapel. Maybe God can help me. Maybe he can ease my guilt, and just maybe, he can tell me how to help my wife. As I sit down on one of the benches, a wave of peace and hope washes over me. In an instance, I feel like that I can do anything.
Tears begin to form in my eyes as I kneel in prayer. “I hope that you are listening to me, because I really need your help. I need our guidance. It is Michelle. She might be going blind again, and I can’t help but think that it is my fault. I feel so helpless. I need to your strengthen because I want to help Michelle. I just don’t know how to. I love her so much..”
With a renewed sense of hope and determination, I decided to see Michelle. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see that Jesse is gone, and Michelle is sound asleep. She looks like an angel. So fragile and beautiful. I just can’t bear the thought of her in pain. Michelle is a fighter, and I know that she will be fine, but I want her to know that she is not alone. I want her to know that she has me, and maybe, this crisis will help her realize that I love her, and that she makes me so happy.
But I want her to know that I will love her no matter what. I will stick by her, and I will love her even more for her spirit and determination. I just hope that one day she will be able to do the same for me. As I take her hand, I say in a small whisper, “ I love you, Michelle. I want you to know that you are loved. Even though, you might be going blind, you are still the most beautiful person that I have ever met.”
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