On my way to the post office to see whether my free case of M&M's had arrived (after all, I had forwarded an e-mail to five people, celebrating the fact that 2000 in Roman numerals is MM), I ran into a friend doing errands for her neighbor who was sick from having ingested a rat while eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. Unsurprising, really, since everyone knows there's no actual chicken in that stuff, which is why the company changed its name to KFC.
Anyway, bad luck for that guy, because he had just gotten out of the hospital. Seems he went to a bar one night and woke up the next day sore all over, in a bathtub full of ice. When he stood up, he realized that his kidneys had been stolen. A note on his mirror read, "Call 911!". He tried, but a voice on the line asked him first to press #90, which he did, unwittingly giving the bandit full access to his phone line at his own expense, and he couldn't get through.
He would have e-mailed for help but was afraid to use his computer because it contained a hard-drive-destroying virus in an e-mail entitled "Good Times." He knew it was real because he himself was working on software to prevent global disaster when all the computers get together and distribute the $250 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe.
He then went to a pay phone. But when he reached into the coin-return slot, he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle, around which was wrapped a note that read, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Despite his condition, he tried to drive himself to the hospital. On the way, he noticed another car driving without its headlights on. To be helpful, he flashed his own lights and was promptly shot by people in the other car as part of their gang initiation rites.
Let that be a lesson to you, and send this story to everyone who sends you junk mail. If you don't, you'll get a flesh-eating disease from Caribbean bananas, you'll be scooped out of the ocean while scuba diving and dumped in the middle of a forest fire, and the government will tax all your e-mails forever. That must be true. I read it on the Internet.
***Note: This is not a true story - it's just a joke my friend sent me! : )***
