Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in the Griffindor common room after their evening class of Potions, discussing the unusual movements of Snape. They had finished their class and left, only for Ron to remember that he'd forgotton his Defense Against the Dark Arts book he'd been carrying around all day. Upon returning to the cold, uninviting chamber where the Potions classes were held, they opened the door in time to silently witness Snape sneaking suspiciously through a hidden doorway magically disguised into appearing as though it was a jar of particularly slimy Humbart Imp's Eyeballs.
'Be sensible, Harry,' reproved Herminone in her usual manner. 'Whatever it is will be impossible to reach - it's in *Snape's* classroom!'
'Yeah,' agreed Ron, for once taking Hermione's side over Harry's. 'I've heard from Fred and George that Snape keeps all kinds of magical security around that room after hours. He doesn't trust students.'
'Look!' persisted Harry, almost jumping to his feet. 'Snape's up to something, I just know it! Who knows, he might be sneaking out of grounds to meet Voldemort, or else sneaking Voldemort in through that chamber entrance!'
'Really, Harry,' said Hermione with a raised eyebrow. 'Everytime anyone even steps foot through a doorway you think they're off galavanting with the Dark Lord and then drag us along to save the day. Poor Dumbledore, that time he was just trying to sneak down for a midnight run to the toilet...'
Ron flushed bright red with embarrassment at the memory. He'd been the one to burst through the door, wand at hand, only to be confronted with the sight of their Head Professor with his pink pajamas around his ankles and a well-loved teddybear in his hands.
'I mean it this time!' insisted a slighty-put-off Harry. 'I think I can feel my scar throbbing and all!' He squinted his eyes painfully for good measure.
'I'm starting to feel *my* scar throbbing, and I don't even have one,' muttered Ron, as he felt the pressure of a headache come on.
Harry glared at them both, dissapointed he wasn't being taken seriously.
'Well, I'm going on my own then as I *know* he's up to something!' And with a huff he was out the portrait hole of the common room and storming down the corridor.
'So Potter, did you have a lovers tiff with your boyfriend...?' drawled a familiar voice from an adjouring passageway.
Harry spun around abruptly. He was in no mood for small talk. The world was at stake and he must save the day.
'Draco,' he acknowledged impatiently. 'Ron and I are happy in our relationship, I'm off to save the world from Voldemort and Snape's evil plans, I'm also going to start thinking that you're stalking me if you don't stop following me and finding excuses to talk to me...and by the way, could you *possibly* talk without drawling for once in your life?'
Draco's jaw dropped open. Whatever reply he was expecting, it wasn't that.
'Oh. Ah. I was just...' Draco stuttered for a moment before Harry rolled his eyes, covered the distance between them and prompty sucked the Sytherin's tougue out of his mouth. Breaking contact, he flicked his messy hair out of his eyes.
'That's what you really wanted,' he said, a statement rather than a question. 'Now the sexual tension part of our daily lives is over, I really have to go, so I'll meet you later in the abandoned storeroom on the fifth floor at about 2am for sex.' And with that, he spun on his heel and strode on down the corridor, a boy with a purpose.
If was barely five minutes before Harry was standing outside of the uninviting door to Snape's classroom. He knew the Sytherin Professor was up to something, something bad, something evil, something Dumbledore would've approve of...Something Voldemort Related. He reached his hand towards to doorlatch, wand at the ready, eyes peeled for any signs of magical traps. Clasping the lock, he made as though to lift the latch...
'HARRY!!' came a loud and urgent whisper from behind him. Harry jumped and glanced over his shoulder. It was Ron, panting heavily as though he had run the entire way from their common room.
'So you do believe me?' asked Harry with a little smile of relief. He'd been slightly worried that Ron was going to withhold their nightly sex romp after he'd stormed out on him not ten minutes ago.
'I'm sorry I doubted you, Harry!' gushed Ron, kissing the boy all over the face in an overly hasty attempt to aim for his lips. 'Forgive me?'
Harry's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
'You don't normally act like this,' he said. 'Either you have been possessed by Voldemort...' He paused for dramatic effect, 'or else you're worried that if you don't come with me now that you won't get your nightly sex romp after I successfully save the world as we know it.'
A guilty blush crept over Ron's face.
'Uhh...It might've been...uh... So we *are* having sex after, yeah?' he finished the sentence in a rush, desperate to get to the important question on his mind.
'Of course, my sexy, brave, clever, forgiving...' he threw in for good measure, 'Griffindor sidekick...' said Harry, his voice dropping to a purr as he pulled their bodies together into a tight embrace and licked a light trail over his companion's lips. Ron breathed in sharply as he felt a hand wander down through his robes, playfully stroking him with expert fingers. 'But I also have to go and find out what's in Snape's secret chamber!'
Within a split second, Ron was left standing, in more ways than one, outside Snape's classroom by himself with a slightly disoriented expression on his flushed face as he replayed in his mind the lightning-quick dash Harry had made through the Potions door.
'He's like a kamokazi teddybear on sterioids,' thought Ron, shaking his head in disbelief. He took a deep breath, stepped through the doorway and entered into the gloom, hoping he wasn't going to be instantaneously turned into a rat after walking into one of Snape's guard-spells. Though, he thought, Snape probably wouldn't give a warning. Intruders wouldn't be given the chance to regret their mistakes.
The inside of the Potions Classroom was even more cold and imposing during the night as it was during the day. Ron stood in the doorway a moment waiting for his eyes to adjust to the gloom.
'Shut the door! We don't want Peeves or anyone to see us!' whispered Harry from somewhere amongst the glass containers containing preserved body parts. Ron shut the door swiftly and quietly, making his way over to Harry. He supressed an involuntary shudder as he passed a large jar squashed full of a large hairy eight-legged beast which could easily have been the size of a cat.
'I think I've found the right jar,' murmured Harry, tapping the glass containing slimy eyeballs with his wand. 'I don't understand the words of the spell. I thought I heard it right, but it doesn't make sense!'
Ron shifted from on the spot nervously. 'Just try it - I didn't hear what he said so give anything a go.'
Harry braced himself and raised his wand.
'Spankus Monkerious!'
The jar warped in the air surrounding it and both Harry and Ron jumped back to watch the transformation. Slowly the glass stretched and widened until the entire shape blurred into one black circle, enlarging until it could easily fit a person through.
Harry and Ron stepped forward, staring into the darkness. A very faint sound could be heard far down inside, something like fast breathing mixed with the sound made by juiced meat being pounded.
'Woah,' murmured Ron. 'Someone *really* likes their cooking!'
The two boys stood silently staring down the corridor. Neither were sure they wanted to encounter something with that level of energy. It was Harry who made the first move.
'Come on, Ron,' he said. 'I'll lead the way. Keep your wand ready. It's probably just Voldemort,' he finished matter-of-factly as though the Dark Lord would be the most common-place thing he could encounter.
'Stop saying Voldemort!' whispered Ron, slightly panicked.
'You just did.'
'Damn!'
The made their move; Ron, cursing himself over his boldness at saying the Dark Lord's name, and Harry hoping guiltily that his scar might stand out of his forehead again so he could impress any potential new love interests of the week.
Down the dark passage they tiptoed until they neared an open doorway where the sound was echoing loudly throughout. Both boys turned to stare silently at each other until the unanimous decision was made to enter together. They stepped forward...
'Holy Wizards and Muggles Alike!!!' screeched Ron in a high pitched voice, jumping back and running full-pelt back down the corridor, practically decapitating himself in an attempt to jump through the doorway back into the Potions classroom. Silence followed as only Ron and the maker of the sound remained, staring at each other in shock.
'Potter!'
'Snape!'
Snape, both hands paused midway through stroking himself furiously, regained a slight degree of composure. Harry took the opportunity to glance around the well furnished and somewhat luxuriously decorated room. He was sure he'd seen such settings in the adult muggle-movies Dudley used to secretly watch in his room.
'That's *Professor* Snape to you, Potter!' he hissed, as only Snape can.
More silence followed, turning increasingly more awkward by the second.
'So...Voldemort isn't here then...?' asked Harry, sounding slightly disappointed.
Snape shook his head cutly as he raised his eyebrow.
'You sure?' persisted Harry. 'He's not forcing you to masturbate yourself in a sadistic spell which will make your extremities fall off from overuse?'
Snape shifted uncomfortably on the couch he was sprawled upon, the mental image Harry had given him just then playing on his mind. 'No,' he replied, a little unsure of where Harry was heading with his questioning.
'Ok, then, I've got it!' screamed Harry, jumping forward in excitment. 'You're lovers and this is where you secretly meet him and one little known fact about Voldemort is that he's a voyeur! Ah ha!' Harry sprang accross the room, ripping apart the furnishings seemingly in the hope of finding the King of All Darkness squashed in the minibar.
'POTTER! Stop that!' yelled Snape in frustration. 'Voldemort is *not* in this room. Only you and I are in this room! ALONE!' He paused, mid-yell, as though just realising what situation they had ended up in together. 'And I'd like you to leave now,' he concluded, not meaning the request in a polite manner at all.
Harry, blushing bright red after he had calmed down upon realising Voldemort was not going to make his almost expected appearance that day, turned to leave. As he did so, he caught a glance at the glossy and slightly sticky magazine still dangling loosely from Snape's hand, momentarily forgotton by the Potions professor. His jaw dropped oven with a dull crack.
'Professor?...' he began, wide-eyed in surprise. 'I...thought you hated me...'
Snape, still not realising where Harry's gaze had rested, snapped, 'Of course I do. I despise you, Potter.'
'Then why...' stammered Harry quietly, 'are you masturbating to naked pictures of me?' He motioned to the magazine which showed multiple photos of Harry moving about in raunchy positions. 'Not that I find that strange, as gee, I do look pretty irresistable...' he added, getting a little caught up in staring at the images of himself which were all winking and flirting with him seductively.
Snape opened and closed his mouth, too shocked at being caught red-handed for a moment that he was rendered speechless. 'I...I...' he began before he regained his exposure. 'I still hate you,' he replied, contrary to all existing evidence. 'I...'
'Love to hate me?' interruped Harry with an understanding nod, like he was used to such things. 'I get that from Draco. He hates me so much that he's absolutely obsessed with me. I'm going to have sex with him tonight, you know,' he commented as though he'd just been talking about the state of the weather that day. Snape raised an eyebrow, feeling slightly relieved that at least one other person was as twisted when it came to love as he was. Though he was not going to admit that to Harry. 'Well,' continued Harry, as though everything had been resolved, 'I'll deal with that for you then so you can get back to hating me properly,' he said, motioning to Snape's erection.
Snape almost jumped out of his skin. 'You're *WHAT?*'
'Oh, don't worry, I know what I'm doing,' replied Harry as he strode swiftly over to where Snape was sprawled on the couch. Pushing Snape's own hands off the cock, he grabbed it himself and began stroking and pumping and teasing the flesh expertly until Snape, too stunned to stop him and not really wanted to do so even if he could have had, came in one loud bellow.
'There you are,' said Harry, wiping his hands clean on the hand towel supplied near the couch, 'Now I've solved the Mystery of the Chamber I've got to go deal with Draco.' And with that he spun on his heel and strode out, a slight swing to his hips as he left.
It was only a moment before he was back in the draughty corridors of the lower floors, heading towards where he knew the Sytherin common room was located. He was early to meet Draco up at their appointed meeting place but knew he would find him downstairs. He turned a corner and stopped in his tracks, standing still for a moment.
'Looking for trouble, Harry?'
The drawl came as expected and Harry nodded to himself as though congratulating his correct guess that Draco would find him without him needing to make any excess effort.
'Hi, Draco,' he said as he turned to face the Sytherin boy. 'I thought the broom closet would do tonight.'
'What?' replied Draco, momentarily losing track of the conversation.
'For sex, Draco,' said Harry, rolling his eyes. 'Come on! I haven't got all night.'
Grabbing the collar of Draco's robes in his hands, Harry pulled the boy forward and into the broom closet around the corner, managing to completely disrobe him by the time the door shut behind them.
'Harry! I...' began Draco, unsure of which conflicting emotion he should be exprssing at the time.
'I know,' said Harry after muttering 'Lubricatus!' and pointing his wand at Draco's cock which instantly became prepared for entry. 'You hate me and all that. We've been through this. Now are you going to take me, big boy, or what?'
'Big Boy?'
'Sorry. I thought you might like that.'
Draco shrugged his shoulders. 'I dunno. Just...turn around and lose the robes, Potter.'
Harry grinned. 'That's more like it!'
Complying with Draco's orders, Harry waited for the boy to enter him. He didn't have to wait long as Draco, in the true nature of teenage boys, was more than ready to get on with the deed as was almost over before they had started. Pushing himself inside his nemesis, Draco began thrusting back and forth, trying to ignore Potter's attempts at being helpful.
'Tell me you love my messy hair, my green eyes, have you noticed how green my eyes are before-'
'Yes, Potter...'
'Come on, impale me! Thrust that big love-sausage in-'
'POTTER!'
'What?'
'I can't do this if you keep sounding like a cheap porn movie!'
Harry turned his head around to stare at Draco. 'Sorry. Thought you might like that. I once caught you watching that film 'Wonderful Wanking Wizards' and well, that's all like that...'
'Ok, whatever,' replied Draco, losing his momentum. 'Just...shut up.'
'If it works for you.'
'It does.'
'Fine.'
'Fine.'
And so silence...or at least relative silence ensued for the rest of the activities in the closet until both boys reached climax and slid down the wall to sit panting on the floor. Only a moment later, Harry was on his feet again, struggling back into his robes.
'Where are you going?' snapped Draco, back in his usual mood, the drawl entering the sound of his voice again which took a considerable amount of talent to achieve, considering.
'Back to Ron,' replied Harry. 'And off to bed. I never get more than two hours sleep a night, what with Quidditch practice, study, and Saving The World As We Know It every night of the week. See you in Potions,' he concluded by way of a farewell and shot out of the room before Draco could complain.
Running down the corridor back up to the Griffindor common room, Harry yelled out the password at the portrait hole and jumped through, speeding up to his sleeping dormitory and into Ron's bed.
'Wha'?!' yelled out a half-awake Ron, who was jolted out of his sleep by the flying leap Harry took.
'It's just me, Ron,' said Harry as he snuggled up beside the boy. 'I rushed back as I didn't want to miss our nightly sex.'
Ron smiled. 'Don't worry, I wasn't asleep,' he lied. 'Just trying to get the mental picture of Snape masturbating out of my mind.'
Harry endulged in a secret smile to himself. 'So, shall we?' he said, twinkling those famous green eyes into a wink as he spoke. 'I see you're already prepared.' Ron was already naked under the bedsheets.
'You're not,' responded Ron as he moved to disrobe Harry. His hands wandered around the boy's body, lower and lower as they pulled each other closer together...
'HARRY!'
'WHAT?? Is it Voldemort, come to enact his revenge on me after my fling with Snape??!!'
Ron's eyebrows shot to the ceiling.
'Firstly, *eewww* I didn't need to know that...' he began, 'and secondly, *no* I don't think He Who Must Not Be Named is here. Or at least not this time,' he added with a disproving look.
Harry flushed. He knew Ron was refering to the time they were meant to spend the night together but Harry was too tired after fighting monsters and was in no mood for sex. He'd faked a scar-induced headache to get out of his obligations.
'I mean,' continued Ron, 'Why are you already lubed, Harry?'
'Because I just had sex with Draco,' he replied matter-of-factly. 'The sexual tention was killing me,' he continued, after Ron continued staring at him. 'I had to do something about it...'
Ron sighed. He should have guessed. Harry was insatiable for action...in *all* ways.
'Just kiss me, Harry,' he sighed, pulling the boy's head back down towards his own. 'And *please* stop being so openly honest with me.' He let out a small grin as he joined their mouths together in a long, gentle kiss.
Harry let out a small moan as he shifted himself to entwine their bodies closer together. Their roaming hands moved faster around each other's skin as their felt and stroked continuously, responding to sounds of appreciation and arousal softly filling the air. Harry pulled his mouth of Ron's for a moment, rearranging himself further down between the boy's legs as he kissed a trail over the exposed chest and stomach. He reached Ron's cock, hard as it stood in front of his vision. Looking Ron in the eyes, Harry took it deep within his mouth, his eyes lighting playfully as he saw the strong arousal before him. He began sucking, and licking, and teasing, faster and faster as Ron squirmed around on the pillows beneath him, trying hard not to scream down the entire common room. He couldn't hold on for long, and no sooner had Harry teasingly wrapped his tongue around the tip of his cock and squeezed his balls in the palm of his hand, than Ron yelled out his release, not caring whether the entire dormitory came running to find out who was being attacked this time.
*** *** ***
It was a few hours later. Harry and Ron were on their way down the long corridors on the way to their first class for the morning and Snape and Draco were heading towards them from the opposite direction.
'Harry,' Draco drawled, back in his usual demeaner.
'Potter,' snarled Snape, also in his usual cheery mood.
'Ah, my three favourite people all in one place,' said Harry, not willing to fall for the bait. 'Snape,' he said, turning to the Potions Professor, 'I enjoyed last night. Hope we can do it again some time. You might like to have a go at the real me rather than just fanticising about those faked porn images in those magazines.'
Snape blushed red, an unusual move for him. 'I've got to get to class,' he snapped, obviously embarrassed, and almost sprinted off through the nearest passageway.
'Draco,' continued on Harry. 'Lovely having sex with you last night. Next time let's try it the other way - you bring the lube.'
Draco also blushed at being spoken to so frankly in front of Ron. 'Yeah,' he said, avoiding eye contact, 'Next time...' And with that he also made a quick exit.
Only Ron and Harry were left standing alone in the corridor.
'So,' said Ron as he turned to look at Harry. 'How do you feel, solving the Mystery of Snape's Chamber?' A grin spread across his face.
'I feel like I could do with a session in it myself,' replied Harry, his bright green eyes sparkling as he laughed and ran off towards the deep, dark corridors leading towards Snape's Chamber of Wanking.
*********
THE END.