NOTE: In this story, Yoda was Qui-Gon's Master. I don't know if that's right or not, but it's completely besides the point for the duration of this story. Also, the age of apprenticeship is 18+ or 21+ depending on what you'll prefer (I don't mention ages, you see, so make it up yourself - interactive story writing here!), rather than little kids being chosen. Basically it's very much an AU story. Anything which doesn't seem to collaborate to PM probably is because I made it up or changed it to suit my evil needs... *g*



HOW TO CHOOSE A JEDI APPRENTICE

"Qui-Gon, time it is, an apprentice you need."

"Yes, Master Yoda."

Qui-Gon sat cross-legged on the ground in his room, sulking like there's no tomorrow. He had been speaking to his little green fluffy Yoda hand-puppet for the last two hours.

"An apprentice you shall choose. Train him you will," Qui-Gon muttered, mimicking Master Yoda's voice. "Damn it! Why _me_?!"

The Jedi flopped his head down in his hands again. He knew how much time and effort Yoda put into training him, and he didn't want to have to do the same for some other annoying little Padawan brat. He knew he had been the apprentice from hell. Yoda had sported a full head of hair when he first took him on as an apprentice.

"DAMN IT!" Qui-Gon cried again. "It's not fair!"

He hadn't been apprenticed in the usual manner. He had been found by Yoda on a distant planet, without having to go through the selection process that all hopeful future Padawans did on arriving at the academy. He didn't know _how_ to choose an apprentice. Did he just close his eyes and point randomly at the bunch of hopefuls, and impress them by pretending the Force had guided his finger? There weren't forms to fill in, were there? He hoped not. Did he need to get a note from their parents? Pack them lunches in the morning? Tuck them into bed at night and read a bedtime story?

"Awwww, MANNNN!!!" he cried again, shaking his head from side to side. He could just imagine the little brat he'd end up with. Some scrawny little pimple-faced hopeful, carrying his own packed lunch for the first day away from his mummy, crying on his shoulder the first night as he missed his little Booboo teddy-bear, making Yoda stay up into all hours of the morn- "Oh. That was me, wasn't it," he mumbled to himself guiltily. But _still_, he thought..._still_, his little apprentice would be even more wimpy than he was. He was sure of it. Or at least he hoped he was, so he wouldn't look so pathetic in comparison.

"HEY! Who's side are you on, anyway?!"

Sorry. Retract my last sentence. So anyway, Qui-Gon sat sulking for about half and hour more in his room, cuddling his little Yoda hand-puppet to his chest-

"Suffocating!"

What?

"I'm suffocating it as I don't like him now. Stop making me sound like a little kid who still needs his silly little soft toy."

Sorry. Fine, retract _that_ last sentence too.

"Nothing personal, Booboo."

What?

"Nothing. Wasn't talking to you. And what are you talking to me for anyway? You're meant to be writing the story, not stopping to chat to the characters!"

Sorry again. Ok, where was I? Ah. Qui-Gon sat sulking for about half an hour more in his room, _suffocating_, like real adults do, his Yoda hand-puppet against his chest. There was a knock at the door.

"Enter," he said after quickly stuffing Booboo and Yoda out of sight under a cushion. A Jedi Master entered who Qui-Gon recognized as someone he had passed in the corridor occasionally before.

"Master," he said, by way of a greeting and a question, and also as he couldn't remember let alone pronounce the guy's name to save his life.

The Jedi stepped forward with a smile on his face.

"I see you recognize me, but I don't believe we have been formally introduced. My name is Eh'cgtsk."

"My condolences."

"Pardon?"

Qui-Gon snapped his attention back to reality. "Oh, I'm sorry, I mean, that's a lovely name...E'cugtusk."

"Eh'cgtsk."

"That's what I said. So, is there something I can do for you?"

Eh'kgsk...ahh...Eh'chsk...um...Eh'chg- ah, dammit. The Jedi Master nodded.

"I am here as I believe you will be needing to find an apprentice, and I don't believe you have seen how the process works."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "No, I haven't. You are quite right. So you are here to tell me about it?"

The Jedi master nodded again. "I am." He laughed as he noted Qui-Gon's badly disguised expression of pain. "Oh, do not worry, young Jedi. The choosing of an apprentice is not what you expect."

"How do _you_ know what I expect?" asked Qui-Gon smugly.

"Your thoughts are as easy to see as that teddy-bear sticking out from under that cushion."

"Damn!"

The Jedi Master laughed again. "Trust me, Qui-Gon. You will be not be disappointed. Meet me in the Hall of Apprentices tomorrow morning to begin your selection."

"Tomorrow!" Qui-Gon almost yelped. "That's...TOMORROW!"

"Very well observed, young Jedi," the Jedi Master said with a straight face. "There is no dilly-dallying when it comes to picking an apprentice. You are to begin his training as soon as possible."

Qui-Gon nodded. "I will be there."

The Jedi Master nodded and exited the room. Qui-Gon sat still, contemplating this new information. *It is not what I expect, huh?* he thought. *Is that a good or a bad thing?*

He shrugged his shoulders and decided not to give the matter any more thought for the day. Soon it would be dinnertime so he stood up and made his way out of his room, tucking Booboo into his bed first.

***

The next morning came and Qui-Gon slowly opened his eyes. He lay still as he allowed his thoughts to lines up in an orderly manner for him to view.

"Ah. Apprentice Day," he said, then rolled over and buried his head under a pillow. A moment later his little novelty clock moved its lightsaber around to decapitate the number 7. A Darth Vader sounding voice (though not actually Darth Vader's as of course he doesn't exist yet) declared that it was time to conquer the day. He'd learnt long ago not to argue with the voice, as the one and only time he did, he was half way convinced to join the Dark Side before breakfast had even begun.

"Fine," he mumbled sleepily. "Today, Qui-Gon, is the first day of the rest of your life."

He threw his legs out of bed and followed them five minutes later.

***

At eight o'clock, Qui-Gon stood in his Jedi robes in front the closed door to the Hall of the Apprentices. He'd eaten, wandered aimlessly for a while, eaten again, watched his mini-TV-wristwatch, and finally resigned to the fact that stalling any longer would just get him in trouble. Taking a deep breath, he opened the huge doors.

"By the Blessed Force!" he gasped, then slammed the doors heavily again. "They're _everywhere_!"

He considered making a run for it, but at that moment, Eh'cgt...uh, the Jedi Master who'd visited him the day before, made an appearance.

"Good morning, Qui-Gon," he said with an amused look. "I see you have already seen inside the Hall of the Apprentices."

"Uh, yeah," stammered Qui-Gon. "Do I have to go in?"

"I'm afraid so. Remember your Jedi teachings. Face your fear and let it be your strength, not your weakness."

"Well, whoever wrote the teachings obviously hadn't seen _students_ before!" Qui-Gon retorted, with great emotion. "Otherwise it'd have the addition of: "But if your fear is Jedi Apprentices then run for your life!"

The Jedi Master chuckled. "Do not fear, Jedi. You are letting your imagination run away with you. You will find an apprentice more of a blessing than a curse." He grabbed hold of the door-handle and motioned for Qui-Gon to follow him in. They both entered. The hall was huge, and absolutely full with various species of hopeful Apprentices. There were Instructors and Masters and various other stressed officials madly dashing around trying to round them all up into some orderly formation. Unsuccessfully. Qui-Gon surveyed the room with a doubtful look.

"More of a blessing, you reckon?" he said, turning to the Jedi Master. "Um, Eh'cthg-"

Let's call him Fred to make it easy, shall we?

"Fred?"

Yeah. Got a problem with that?

"Nooo...ok, then. _Fred_, what am I meant to be doing?"

Fred turned to the young Jedi and adopted a tone of voice which suggested he'd had to recite this part more than once to many Jedi's in the past. "Upon entering the Hall of the Apprentices, a Jedi must survey the selection and use the Force to choose a handful of hopefuls, upon which he will lead them into one of the smaller interview rooms and begin examining them to further narrow the selection."

Qui-Gon nodded and began looking around the room. After a few minutes observation, he began catagorising them all into groups. There were the wall-clingers clutching the paper bags containing their mum-packed lunches. Then there were the over-enthusiastic ones who were treating their 'Just Use The Force' posters as lightsabers in small battles against each other. Then there were the strange silent ones who looked all too smart for their own good.

These first three groups Qui-Gon disregarded, as the first one reminded him of how he used to be, and that was a memory he was trying to repress. The second group had the self-control of a Ga'logh Exploding Frog, and the third group were disregarded on the basis that Qui-Gon didn't like anyone who looked smarter than himself. Lastly there were a group of about twenty of so, spread out around the hall who had naive, impressionable faces, which, in Qui-Gon's opinion, were exactly the type of apprentice he was looking for. He sidled over to them all in turn, and told them all to enter an interview room on the right side of the Hall. Then he returned to Fred.

"Uh, what kind of examination do I need to give them to narrow it down?" he asked.

"Think of what is important to you, and use the Force to assist in the selection. Narrow it down to no more than five choices," Fred answered. "When you have done this, return with them to me and I will lead you to the next stage."

Qui-Gon nodded and wandered off to the interview room. He entered and took a seat behind the desk and stared at the twenty or so hopeful apprentices hovering before him. He thought of Fred's words. *Think of what is important to you. Use the Force to assist in the selection. Hmmm...* He sat back in his chair and tuned into the Force to try and discriminate between the young men before him. *Hmmm...well, that one's got nice skin...and this one has a nice body...that one's arse I remember was impressive...yeah, that'll do. Thanks Force*. He announced his decision to the room, and the unsuccessful applicants trudged out, dejected. Qui-Gon felt a twinge of guilt at having made his decision so...unprofessionally.

"You three. Come with me," he said finally to the young men before him.

Back to Fred they all went, and the Jedi Master eyed the choices.

"Did the Force guide you well?" he asked finally.

Qui-Gon kicked his conscience to the back of his mind, and nodded. "Extremely well."

"Then come with me," Fred continued, motioned for Qui-Gon and his three possible apprentices to follow. He led them all to a series of even smaller interview rooms a few corridors away and motioned for the young men to take one room each. After they were all in their respective rooms, Fred turned to Qui-Gon with a twinkle in his eye.

"Your true apprentice will reveal himself in this series of tests," he said with a smile. "They always do."

Qui-Gon gave the Master a quizzical look.

"Why do you say that?" he asked. "What does this test involve?"

The older Jedi grinned and leaned forward to whisper something into the young Jedi's ear. Occasional looks of surprise, shock, and excitement by Qui-Gon interjected the explanation. Finally Fred finished whispering and stood back to note the Jedi's final reaction. There was a pause as Qui-Gon absorbed all the information he had just received, and finally he spoke.

"Woah! _NOW_ I see why apprentice's can be a blessing rather than a curse," he said dumbfounded. "And I also know that I picked this lot using the appropriate method," he added with a grin. Suddenly he tilted his head to one side in thought. "Hey, do _they_ all know what they're in for?" he asked.

Fred grinned again. "No, but as I told you, your true apprentice will reveal himself in this test. He will be the only one who'll not only accept but also enjoy what you'll do to him," he concluded with what could only be described as a smirk. "Are you ready to begin?"

Qui-Gon turned to look at the three doors before him. Slowly a grin spread itself over his face, and he rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"I have been ready and waiting _all_ my life. _Trust_ me."

****** ****** ******


Qui-Gon stood in front of the interview rooms and pondered his first move. Finally he took a deep breath, wiped the smirk off his face, and strode over to Room 1. Pulling open the door, he entered to find the find the hopeful apprentice with the nice arse sitting on one of the room's only two chairs.

*Oh, great* thought Qui-Gon. *Just go and sit on your best feature, why don't you.*

He eyed the young man up and down. *Hmm...possibly a little on the scrawny side...nose is a little funny...*

You can't talk.

"What?"

Nothing. I thought you said I shouldn't be talking to my characters.

"Exactly. Shuttup."

The young man seated in the room gave Qui-Gon a nervous look.

"Ahhh...Master Qui-Gon," he said slowly. "Who are you talking to?"

Qui-Gon gave the man an impressive look of bluffed superiority.

"I am speaking to the Force, young man," he replied. "One day you might too if you can tune in to the right frequency."

The young man's expression changed to one of awe.

"Really?! I would so like that, Master Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes. *Yeah, well you're welcome to it, m'laddo* he thought.

Hey! You better be nice to me, or you lose your chance with this pretty one.

"Dammit. And yes I am speaking to the Force again, young man."

The Jedi Hopeful nodded, his innocent face portraying an emotion similar to that which a little kid shows when he had believed in Santa all his life, and then finally starts to suspect that it was just his parents after all.

"Anyway, we shall begin the next stage of the selection process," continued on Qui-Gon, deftly changing the subject. "Do you have any questions so far, before we begin?"

The young man sat still for a moment in thought. He contemplated what he had witnessed so far about the powers of a Jedi. Finally he spoke.

"How does one find the right frequency to hear the Force?" asked the young man.

*Just tune in to Mentally-Unstable-Author FM. Right near 104.voices-that-won't-shuttup FM, on your dial* thought Qui-Gon sardonically.

Suddenly the door to the interview room opened and in came Yoda. Before the little Jedi Master could open his mouth to speak, the young Jedi Hopeful shrieked and jumped up on his chair.

"Ohmigod! Getitawayfromme!"

Yoda gave a quick look behind himself to check there was no one there, then spoke.

"A problem you have, boy? A scare you experience? The cause is _me_?"

The young man just shrieked again, and tried an unsuccessful attempt of wrapping one foot around the back of the chair, clinging on with the other, and jumping the entire thing back against the wall. Qui-Gon thought it was time for him to speak.

"Calm down, lad," he said, while positioning himself between Yoda and the scared young man. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Ihatesmallfurrythings! Hatethemhatethemhatethem! Whatisitanyway?! Getitawayfromme!"

There was a pause as both Yoda and Qui-Gon mentally separated the young man's words apart.

"This is Master Yoda," said Qui-Gon finally. "We tend not to refer to him as a small furry thing." *To his face anyway* he added silently.

*That I heard, young Jedi. My feelings you hurt. Your butt I kick. Later.*

"Damn!" cried Qui-Gon. "Is there any other voices that'd like to join me in my head, today! If you can find room!"

There was another pause.

"Ah. I said that out loud, didn't I. Oops."

In one short moment, the following actions occurred. The young man took one look at the rooms two occupants - one representing a phobia, one representing someone he wasn't sure had all his marbles - and made a flying leap across the room and out the door.

"Strong in the Force, that boy is," commented Yoda, finally. "Fly he did, when freaked he became."

"Yeah, that he did, I did notice. I mean, I noticed that was what he did."

Yoda gave him a Look.

"Sorry, Master," said Qui-Gon. "Deliberate it wasn't...ahh...It wasn't deliberate."

Yoda tut-tutted but didn't say anything. This just caused Qui-Gon to get the irresistible urge to fill in the silence.

"I mean, it's like when you're talking to someone with an strong accent, and you find yourself mimicking it unintentionally? In a completely non-insulting way. Did I ever mention that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?"

Yoda just sighed and muttered to himself as he turned and hobbled out of the room.

"Jedi Master he is. Crazy I was. Screwed we all are."

Finally, Qui-Gon was left alone in the interview room.

"You did that deliberately, didn't you?"

Yes. And don't even think of calling me what you're planning on calling me, or you lose Possible Apprentice number two, too.

Qui-Gon snorted and strode out of the first room, slamming the door behind him. Turning to the side, he marched a few paces to the left and stopped in front of Room 2. He took a deep breath and entered. Inside was the young Apprentice Hopeful with the nice skin. Qui-Gon eyed the young man up and down. *Nice bod, too. Good dental hygiene. Neat appearance* Qui-Gon nodded to himself and took a seat opposite the young man.

"Tell me," he said. "Why do you wish to be a Jedi?"

The Apprentice Hopeful leaned forward in his chair, with a big smile plastered across his face.

"I want to learn all that is good and right and in line with the Light side of the Force," he said eagerly, in a chirpy voice. "I want to help people, and fight for justice," he added, in case Qui-Gon hadn't caught the full gist of his enthusiasm.

"That's very admirable, young man," commented Qui-Gon while sitting back in his own chair. "Tell me, do you respect my authority?"

"Fully, Master Qui-Gon," replied the young man without a pause. "I wish to learn all that you can teach me, and please and help you with anything you should need or want."

Qui-Gon blinked his eyes a few times to check it was in fact a candidate sitting before him, and not his fairy godmother.

"I am pleased that is your wish," he replied finally. "You shall come with me now, to further test our compatibility. A Jedi-"

"-must be on the same Force wave as his Master," interjected the eager applicant. "I have learnt the entire Jedi Teaching Manual and all the Rules and Regulations as well," he explained proudly, beaming with pride.

Qui-Gon eyed him warily, as a sneaky suspicion that this over-eagerness could become annoying, crept into his mind. He pushed the thought back, as he still found this one particularly attractive and he, in a very un-Jedi manner, had always been a firm believer is body over mind, rather than vice versa.

"Very admirable," he said finally. "Now come with me."

He stood up and motioned for the young man to follow him out of the small room. He led him down the corridors he knew so well, until he reached the doorway to his room. The door opened on his command and they both entered. The young man eyed the room with a bright smile on his face.

"Gee, this is a lovely room, Master Qui-Gon," bubbled the young man. "I hope I get to have a room like this one day! It's all sunny and white, and I can feel the Force flowing freely through it like a pretty little butterfly through a beautiful sky!"

*Block out the cheeriness and I might be able to stand this one* thought Qui-Gon. He herded the young man away from searching through everything in his room, and caught his attention.

"You said before that you respect my authority," he said, and the young man nodded. "Therefore you will do anything I say, without question," he continued, eyeing the man carefully.

"Anything, Master Qui-Gon."

"Good," said Qui-Gon. "Take off your clothes."

The young man didn't look the slightest bit surprised, and began stripping himself slowly until he stood naked in front of the Jedi Master.

*Damn, that boy has nice skin!* thought Qui-Gon lustfully. *And his body...Mmm MMM!*

"Good," he said out loud. "Now come closer."

The young man moved forward until he stood barely an inch in front of the Jedi Master.

"Kneel."

The boy knelt on the floor and waited patiently for his prospective Master's next command. Qui-Gon tilted his head to one side as a thought suddenly made its way into his mind.

"Tell me," he said slowly. "Do you know what I am doing?"

The young man looked up happily and sincerely into Qui-Gon's eyes. "I believe you are testing to see if I am sexually subservient to you, as well as mentally and physically, Master Qui-Gon," he replied. "You will not find me wanting. I am here to please you in what ever manner you desire," he continued brightly. "It pleases me to please someone so strong with the Lightness in the Force."

Qui-Gon blinked his eyes, hardly believing what he was hearing. He knew that Fred had explained it all to him before, but he had been a little doubting that it would actually _work_.

"Ah," he said intelligently. "Well done. Now then, lean yourself forward, open your mouth and-"

"OOOOOooooOO!"

Qui-Gon looked at the boy in surprise. He had not thought he was _quite_ as well endowed as the young man seemed to be making out. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was quite the stud-muffin. This boy was definitely for the keeping. He puffed up in pride, but before he could speak again he noticed the boy had moved from his position at his feet and had crawled around behind him and was moving towards the couch.

"Wha-?"

Before he knew what was happening, the young man had grabbed Booboo from underneath the cushion that Qui-Gon had earlier in the morning hid it under.

"Oh, my!" the Jedi Hopeful gasped. "It's sooooo adorable!! All pink and fluffy and...oh, just soooo lovable!!"

He almost smothered the soft toy with love and kisses, talking in little kiddie talk all throughout.

"And how is Mista Fwuffy Wuffie? Oh, aren't 'oo a widdle cutie! Oh, I'm neva wetting 'oo go!!"

Qui-Gon had been smiling at the young man's heart of gold a second before, but suddenly his expression froze. *Did he just say that he's never letting you go, Booboo?* he thought, horrified.

"Uh, you know you can't have him, don't you," he said slowly to the young man, edging closer to his precious toy.

The Jedi Hopeful looked up with a confused expression.

"But he's just soooo cute!" he cried. "I must have him!"

Qui-Gon began to feel slightly worried.

"You will obey me, boy," he said. "Give Booboo back, now!"

"NO!"

"Goo-" Qui-Gon paused mid-word. "Excuse me? Are you disobeying me?" he said incredulously. "You just before said you would obey me, mind body and soul, and were even ready to be my little sex slave, and _now_ you're turning on me purely because you want my Booboo?!"

"I must have him," insisted the young man. "Please let me keep him."

"No! You can't have him, he's mine! He'll never be yours!"

A sudden change came over the young man's appearance. When before he had been cheery and sweet-as-can-be, now a foreign expression crossed over his face. It was an expression which Qui-Gon suspected had never been seen there before. He could feel the Force within the boy darken.

"I will have Booboo," the young man said. "And you will not stop me."

Qui-Gon snapped. There was not many things in his life he truly believed were worth dying for, but no one, absolutely _no one_ stole his Booboo.

"Give it back, you little brat!" he screamed, throwing himself across the room.

"NOOOOOOOO!!"

And a battle began. One which, in fact, could be called far more impressive than, say, one over a trading deal involving some minor planet or another. Qui-Gon jumped upon the young man, grabbing hold of the hostage, and snatched it back out of his grasp. Unfortunately he didn't get away in time, as he was set upon by the full force of the young man's strong body, and was squashed so flat to the ground that he could feel that impressive skin he'd admired so much hard up against him. A wrestling match began; the poor teddybear stuck between the wriggling, kicking, biting, and screaming bodies. Mustering all the power of the Force he could, Qui-Gon sent the boy flying against the far wall, and then grabbed Booboo from his somewhat squished position on the floor. He was about to start moulding the poor teddybear back into its original shape, when he felt a massive disturbance in the Force fill the room. He'd felt it just before when he'd first denied the boy his Booboo. It was the Dark side taking control of the young Jedi Hopeful. The anger and resentment which the boy felt towards Qui-Gon fed the Darkness of the Force, and a physical change crept over the young man.

"Oh, by the Force...!" Qui-Gon whispered in shock.

The boy was no longer the overly-cheery enthusiastic youth he had been a few minutes before. Now he seemed to have grown more menacing, his eyes glowing yellow and red.

*And his skin!* thought Qui-Gon. *His red and black skin! It used to be...so...cute...*

"MAUL!" he screamed, using the young man's name for the first time. "Control yourself!"

"Never...!" growled the transformed man, his horns glistening dreadfully as the power of the Dark side of the Force emanated from every pore in his body. "I have never asked for anything in my life. I have diligently obeyed and followed all orders given to me to help people. But now...NOW....!" He paused as he felt the anger and hatred flow freely into his soul for the first time in his life. "NOW I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!! I WILL HAVE BOOBOO OR I WILL SEND ALL THAT DARE OPPOSE ME TO HELL!!"

Qui-Gon stared at the possessed man in horror. Finally, he managed to find his voice.

"Oops."

Maul seethed and foamed at the mouth as he continued spilling his anger into the world.

"I thought you were meant to be GOOD!" he yelled harshly. "I have believed it all my life. Yet you will not give me BOOBOO!!"

He stood up slowly, pulling on his clothes, and Qui-Gon felt that the young man had grown in size since his transformation. He now stood, a menacing form, in the corner of the room.

"I. Will. Have. My. Revenge." Maul swore. "I will find a true Master to teach me the skills of the Force, and then when I do, I will track you down. You. Will. Die."

Qui-Gon felt a strange premonition of the future. He shook his head to clear the ridiculous idea away. *Nuhhh...That's just silly* he thought. *He wouldn't come after me in the future purely because I wouldn't let him have my Booboo*

His thoughts were interrupted by the recently transformed Maul jumping full force through his window, out of the Jedi Academy, laughing evilly as he ran into the distance. The effect was slightly ruined by the fact that he was still wearing his powder blue knitted cardigan and white baggy trousers.

Qui-Gon stood staring at the receding figure for a few minutes, gently hugging his Booboo against his chest. Finally he sighed deeply and turned back to the door of his room.

*Last one* he thought, almost relieved. *He will be the right one, or by the Force I will chuck a tantrum like none other*

He plodded off out of his room and back to Room 3, feeling slightly guilty for making the last contender wait for so long. *Well, patience is a virtue, is it not?* he thought to himself. *I'll pretend I did it deliberately*

Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon placed his hand on the handle and pushed open the door...



Qui-Gon stepped inside the room containing his last hopeful Jedi Apprentice and shut the door slowly behind him. He took a long hard look at the boy. The boy gave him a long hard look back, from head to toe.

*Ooo!* thought Qui-Gon. *He perved on me! That has to be good!*

He sat down in the seat behind the desk.

"Tell me," he said after returning the perv. "Why are you here at the Jedi Academy?"

"I have always wanted to be a Jedi," answered Obi-Wan honestly. "There's just something about Jedi Masters..."

He left the sentence hanging.

*What?* thought Qui-on *You can't leave it there, boy!* He gave Obi-Wan a suspicious look, but the young man had an innocent expression plastered on his face and was patiently waiting for a response from his prospective Master.

"Care to elaborate?" asked Qui-Gon finally, as he stared at the table in thought.

"I've always wanted to have someone I could call Master," said Obi-Wan, his voice dripping with sexual innuendo.

Qui-Gon snapped his head up, but Obi-Wan's face was as innocent as always. He reflexively crossed his legs incase it wasn't just his mind that liked the sound of the young man's answer.

*Damn!* thought Qui-Gon. *How the hell does he do that?!*

He decided it was time to skip the rest of the interview, regardless of the fact that they'd only been in there for a minute, and move straight onto...the Physical Test. Though, he thought, maybe continuing the Oral Test in a different fashion might be worthwhile too.

"Come with me," he told Obi-Wan, after he had finally sorted out his plan of action. The boy obliged and they both exited the room and walked down the passageway to Qui-Gon's room. The Jedi wanted to fall a step behind his prospective apprentice so he could perv on the boy's butt, and so used the subtlest tactic he could think of.

"Ow!" he yelled.

Obi-Wan turned, concerned.

"Are you hurt, Master Qui-Gon?"

Qui-Gon gripped his ankle, rubbing it slightly.

"Oh, I'm fine Obi-Wan. Old Jedi injury, that's all," he replied. "You just walk ahead and I'll keep up with you."

Obi-Wan stared at Qui-Gon for a moment, in confusion.

"But cannot Jedi heal themselves?" he asked innocently.

"Er, yeees," replied Qui-Gon, reaching back down to his ankle.

"And wasn't it your other ankle that you hurt?" interjected Obi-Wan before Qui-Gon could continue his excuse.

"Ah. Yes," replied Qui-Gon, not too confidently. "Well, you see, not all injuries heal, and I have them on both ankles. Yes. That's it."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to question the sense of the Jedi Master's words, but Qui-Gon decided it was time to steer the boy clear of revealing his bad attempt at an excuse to perv.

"Walk ahead, boy. Walk ahead," he said, shooing Obi-Wan down the passageway. "Yeeeeesss..._that's_ it!"

He nearly tripped over his own feet, causing a genuine injury, at the sight of Obi-Wan's perfectly formed butt swinging its way from side to side down the passageway ahead of him.

*Ooo, baby!!* thought Qui-Gon, his eyes nearly popping out of his head at the sight in front of him. Suddenly Obi-Wan stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly.

"Agggaaahhh..." drooled Qui-Gon, whose line of sight refused to shift, and was therefore currently staring full pelt at Obi-Wan's cock clearly shaped under his tight pants. *I can think of one disadvantage of him becoming my apprentice* thought Qui-Gon. *He'll have to change to wearing the baggy Jedi robes instead of _those_ deliciously revealing pants*

"Master Qui-Gon..." said Obi-Wan slowly.

"Gaahhh?"

"Are you ok. Master?"

"Gaaa...Ah. Yes. I'm fine, Obi-Wan," spluttered out Qui-Gon after he gained control of his jaw once again. "Off you go, there's a good boy," he added, shooing the boy down the passageway again.

"But Master Qui-Gon," insisted Obi-Wan, standing his ground. "I wish to ask you a question."

"Oh. Yes, fire away...er...I mean, a Jedi must always be willing to ask questions as it shows a willingness to learn so please ask," replied Qui-Gon, aware that his calm, wise Jedi Master act was slowly loosing face.

"Is it true that a partnership of Master and Padawan can sense each other's thoughts?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes that is true," replied Qui-Gon, on safer ground. "It is an ability to manipulate the force which all Jedi's learn, but which is strongest between Master and Padawan."

"Oh," replied Obi-Wan, still looking slightly puzzled. "Well, is it possible that I could sense _your_ thoughts, then?"

"Well, yes, I sup-" Qui-Gon's expression froze suddenly as he realized what the boy was insinuating. "Why do you ask?" he questioned as innocently as possible.

"Well..." replied Obi-Wan carefully, "it's just that I _think_ I heard your thoughts just a moment ago..."

Qui-Gon felt a blush creeping steadily over his face.

"And what exactly did you _think_ you heard?" he asked slowly.

"I thought I heard you firstly think, "Ooo, baby!", and then a moment later, you thought, "I can think of one disadvantage of him becoming my apprentice - he'll have to change to wearing the baggy Jedi robes instead of _those_ deliciously revealing pants," replied Obi-Wan in a perfect imitation of Qui-Gon's mental voice.

The Jedi Master opened and shut his mouth a few times, trying to formulate an excuse. *Not that having him stare at me like that is helping* he thought, as he stood under the spotlight of the boy's gaze.

"Err...Yeeess...Yes! I did think that! Is there a problem with that?!" he almost yelled in an overly defensive manner.

"No!" replied Obi-Wan quickly, reacting to Qui-Gon's tone of voice. "No, of course not, Master."

*Oooo!* shivered Qui-Gon, making sure he'd shielded his thoughts this time. *Goddamn, I love how he says 'Master'!* Unfortunately, so did his cock, which was threatening to wear a hole through his tunic. Using his amazing Jedi abilities, Qui-Gon concluded that this probably wasn't the time or place to be seen walking around with a massive erection.

"'Massive', Master?" inquired Obi-Wan with a raised eyebrow and an impressed look.

Qui-Gon nearly jumped out of his skin. "Dammit! I'd shielded my thoughts! You shouldn't have heard that!" he almost yelled, feeling a blush return to his cheeks. "Just- Just- Turn around and keep walking!"

Obi-Wan did as he was ordered, and so as a result Qui-Gon didn't see the smirk on the young man's face.

*Oh, yeah* thought Obi-Wan as he deliberately fell into a seductive swinging motion of his hips. *I've got him around my little finger*

Luckily for him he was better as shielding his thoughts than the drooling Jedi Master behind him.

***

Five minutes later and with relatively less incidents, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan made it to the Jedi Master's room.

Giving a verbal order for the door to lock behind them after they entered, Qui-Gon turned and faced his prospective apprentice.

"Do you know what I'm going to do?" he asked smoothly.

"You're testing to see how much I'm willing to do," replied Obi-Wan, just as smoothly.

"And..."

"And what?"

"And are you willing to do it?"

"You haven't said what I'm meant to be doing yet."

"Oh, that's right. Damn."

He was quickly losing the upper hand in this conversation. He was starting to suspect that the boy had far more experience in the art of seduction than he had. *Which is* he thought *not necessarily a bad thing*

Or a difficult thing to achieve.

"If you talk to me one more bloody time I'm leaving this story!!"

Well, actually, you're not until I'm done with you, but point taken. So, moving on, Qui-Gon thought it was time to further test the boy.

*Time for his Physical* he thought.

Slowly he approached Obi-Wan, until he was standing barely a foot in front of him. Reaching forward, he ran his hands up underneath the young man's top and savoured the smooth skin beneath. He felt a small shiver of anticipation envelop Obi-Wan's body and the tingle of small goose bumps as his cold hands touched the warm flesh beneath. He drew his hands up to the boy's nipples and slowly ran a finger over the erect buds, smiling as Obi-Wan drew in his breath sharply at the touch. The atmosphere in the room was deafeningly quiet - a sensation he hadn't felt in many a long year, as it had been some time since he been so close to another person. He heard every breath, both of him and of Obi-Wan, so clearly and deeply as he ran his hands in circles over the firm skin and tight muscles. Finally, after drawing the initial experience out as long as possible, he pulled Obi-Wan's top up and over the boy's head and threw it to the ground where it fell, instantly forgotten. He stared wide-eyed at Obi-Wan's chest, only now seeing with his eyes what his hands had touched before.

*By the Force, you're beautiful!* thought Qui-Gon as he admired the view.

"Thank you, Master."

Qui-Gon momentarily snapped out of his trance.

"I wasn't talking _to_ you, I was talking to myself," snapped Qui-Gon in embarrassment. "Stop reading my thoughts."

"Sorry, Master," replied Obi-Wan in a tone that suggested he wasn't the slightest bit sorry. "And you _were_ talking to me as you said "you're beautiful" rather than "he's beautiful".

"You're correcting my use of language _now_?!"

"Good point," replied Obi-Wan, with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'll shut up then, shall I?"

"Yes, you do that," said Qui-Gon firmly. "No making a sound unless you have something worthwhile to say...or express."

"Yes Master. Sorry Master."

Qui-Gon nodded, and then thought he should add one more point before continuing.

"No talking, _except_ for using the word 'Master'. You can use that as much as you want."

"Yes Master," replied Obi-Wan, in the most seductive voice he could muster.

"Gaaahhh..." drooled Qui-Gon, his knees threatening to give way underneath him. Deciding to forget talking as he wasn't sure he could manage to construct a sentence let alone one word, he moved closer to Obi-Wan once again and continued his exploration of the young man's body.

He knelt down on his knees, half deliberately, half because he was having serious trouble stopping them from turning to jelly. Slowly he began undoing Obi-Wan's tight, very, _very_ tight, oh, so deliciously tight-

"Yes, I think they've got the point."

Oh, just because I'm the author I'm not allowed to drool too? Fine, so...Qui-Gon pulled down on the material, exposing the revelation that Obi-Wan wore nothing underneath his pants. His hands still working to remove all the remaining clothes left on the boy, Qui-Gon kept his eyes glued to the sight of the impressive cock hanging only a few inches in front of his face.

"Master?" said Obi-Wan quietly. "Aren't these really expensive carpets?" Qui-Gon dragged his eyes up and gave him a confused look. "It's just that I'm not sure how easy it is to get drool out of them."

Qui-Gon looked down at the pool developing directly beneath where his lower jaw was hanging.

"Guuuhhh uhhh," he said, finally.

"Was that a 'shut up', Master?"

"Gaaaa," Qui-Gon nodded. He reached up and grabbed hold of the boy's hips. He licked his lips, while looking up to meet Obi-Wan's eyes to make sure he knew his intention. Looking down again, he noticed the cock in front of him stiffen slightly, and he grinned.

*Yeah, I've still got it* he thought to himself smugly.

But instead of taking Obi-Wan's cock into his mouth, he maneuvered the boy's hips around to make him face the opposite direction. He felt a small wave of confusion and disappointment emanate from Obi-Wan as he did so.

"Patience is a trait of the Jedi," he said in response to the unspoken whinge. He felt a small twinge of guilt inside him as he knew he'd only resisted giving Obi-Wan what he expected as he wanted to regain control of the situation. He rose to his feet and guided Obi-Wan over to the nearby desk, running his hands up the young man's shoulders and down the length of his arms, twirling his fingers around his wrists. He pushed down and forced the young man to bend forward, his hands resting on the tabletop. He then stood back a step, admiring the view once again. As he stood there he could hardly believe that only an hour or so ago he'd been dreading the thought of having an apprentice. But now..._now_ things were looking up. Looking down at his own body, he realised that it wasn't just the situation that was looking up.

*Damn, I've got to get out of these clothes!* he thought, undressing himself in a far less calm manner than he had done to Obi-Wan. Finally he stood as naked as the young man in front of him. He stepped forward, pushing himself so close to the exposed buttocks that he felt both himself and Obi-Wan's breath quicken at the contact. He stood still a moment, relishing the sight of his own cock pressed so close to such a magnificent goal.

*And to think that guys like him wouldn't even give me the time of day before I became a Jedi Master* he thought in self-satisfaction. *Goddamn I love my job!*

He suddenly realised that he was drooling on himself this time, causing the unintentional but convenient result of lubricating his cock. He pushed slightly into Obi-Wan, pulling back suddenly when he thought he might have hurt him. Yet, Obi-Wan had not uttered a sound, and he realised that the ring of muscles he had just entered were relaxed perfectly to accommodate him. Qui-Gon shot Obi-Wan's ass a suspicious look.

*This isn't the butt of a virgin* he thought. *He's done this before. Quite a few times I suspect, judging by how quickly he accommodated me*

He pushed himself in further, feeling the heat encompass his own cock, causing him to gasp loudly in pleasure. He heard Obi-Wan begin to moan deeply as he began pushing himself forwards and backwards, thrusting deeper and deeper with each motion. He grabbed hold of the boy's hips with one hand as Obi-Wan began to rock forward more forcefully with each thrust, reaching the other around and under the boy in order to grab the straining cock beneath. He heard Obi-Wan gasp sharply as he wrapped his huge hand around and began stroking the boy's cock intensely, feeling both Obi-Wan and him respond to the increased pleasure they received from the experience. Suddenly Obi-Wan contracted his muscles and pushed back hard, impaling himself deeply on Qui-Gon's throbbing cock, and both of them came loudly and forcefully in one ecstatic moment.

A few seconds later Qui-Gon managed to muster enough energy to push himself backwards and fell to the floor in a heap. Gathering the scattered pieces of his mind together, he slowly began to regain control of himself.

*By the Force, that was _amazing_!* he thought emphatically, not caring if Obi-Wan heard.

Exhausted, and as thoroughly satisfied as he was, he managed to lift his head up and see the state in which he'd left Obi-Wan. The young man was standing facing him with an expectant look of his face, which for the life of him, Qui-Gon thought meant: "Now what?"

The Jedi Master felt a little put off. Here he was, lying exhausted on the floor, while the boy was treating the experience like it was just foreplay.

*Forget taking it easy* he thought. *If he thinks he's oh so bloody better than me, then let's just see how far he's willing to go*

He stared into space for a moment as he pondered his next move, but his thoughts were interrupted by a Jt'lah wolf-hound howling in the distance.

*Damn bloody dog!* he thought. Suddenly his brain told him to consider his words. *Damn. Bloody. Dog. Dog!*

He quickly strode over to his cupboard and snatched the collar and lead he kept inside, for when his cousin and her Wil'hr Blood-hound came to visit. Slowly he turned to face Obi-Wan with what he hoped was a slow, meaningful smirk. Walking over to the young man with a slight swing of his hips in what he'd read somewhere was deemed sexy...but then he remembered that was for women...he unlocked the studded circle of metal with a loud click. Reaching up, he fastened the collar around Obi-Wan's neck.

"Damn he looks good in chains!" thought Qui-Gon appreciatively, as he stepped back for a better view.

He pulled down sharply on the lead and forced the young man to his knees.

"Oooooo!" exclaimed Obi-Wan, as his head was pulled in front of Qui-Gon at groin-height.

Qui-Gon began to feel smug thoughts involving the word 'well-endowed' and 'stud-muffin' for the second time that day. Then he remembered that the boy already knew his...measurements, and his mind quickly turned to what had happened when the last applicant reacted in that manner after falling to his knees. He snapped his head around and noticed Booboo was sticking out slightly from under the couch again.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" he yelled, as he made a mad dash across the room and dive-bombed the teddy-bear, stuffing it further under and out of sight. He paused. Then he looked around at Obi-Wan who was still kneeling, wearing only a slightly worried expression.

"What was that?" the young man asked.

"Nothing!" yelled Qui-Gon, a little too loud.

"But I saw a tedd-"

"No you didn't! It was nothing!"

"I thought I-"

Qui-Gon thought it was time to mind-whammy the boy. It was proving Jedi ability after all, he rationalized.

"You saw nothing. You will never want anything called Booboo, and you will never try and take Booboo away from me," he intoned with a wave of his hand.

"Booboo?" said Obi-Wan.

"Go- Uh, yes, Booboo is what you don't want and won't take from me," Qui-Gon said, a little less confidently with another wave of his hand.

"You have a teddy-bear named Booboo?" asked Obi-Wan with an amused expression.

Qui-Gon felt himself blush ever so slightly.

"Ye- Actually _no_ I don't. So you can't have him."

A slight grin formed on Obi-Wan's face.

"You think I'm going to fight you for a _teddy-bear_ named _Booboo_?!" He eyed his prospective Master up and down with a teasing look. "How old do you think I am?"

Qui-Gon now felt about two feet tall under the gaze of the amused candidate. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, a voice told him that if anyone should feel embarrassed right now then it should be the one kneeing, wearing a collar and leash. He mentally made a rude gesture at the voice and returned to the conscious world.

"Uhh, I...think...you have me wrong..." he stammered. "In fact Booboo's not my teddy-bear...yes, that's it!...I'm just minding him for...er...Yoda?...yes...Yoda!"

"Yoda?"

"Yes, Yoda," replied Qui-Gon with not too much confidence in his voice. "Small toys are like...friends...to him..."

"Really?"

"Yeah...because you see...he sometimes mistakes them for actual living creatures...what with him being the same height and all...so...yeah..."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. Qui-Gon thought it was definitely time to veer away from the subject of soft-toys.

"Uh...speaking of...Yoda..." he began, desperately trying to decide what to say next. "Ah! Yes! I have a final question for you, Obi-Wan."

"I am ready for anything, Master," replied Obi-Wan, who knew damn well that saying that line combined with the fact that he was naked, kneeling and chained would probably get him a Pass instantly.

"Argggg..." nodded Qui-Gon, momentarily unable to speak because the excess drool threatening to waterfall out of his mouth.

"The Question, Master..." prompted Obi-Wan patiently, with a small satisfied grin.

"Guuugghh...ahh..Oh. Oh! The Question," spluttered out Qui-Gon finally, his brain suddenly hardening back from its temporary gelatine form. "The Question is: If Yoda asked you to grant him sexual favours, would you do it? Keep in mind he's a superior to you, yet not your Master."

Obi-Wan didn't even pause. "I would not do it, as regardless of the fact he is a superior, it would be EEEEWWWWWWW!!!"

Qui-Gon's face, which he'd kept carefully impassive throughout the question and answer, suddenly broke into a relieved grin.

"Good! That is the correct answer and now you are officially my Padawan," he said happily. "While you are meant to be a sex-slave to me, I would have definitely worried about your mental state of health if you had answered 'yes' to being one for Yoda."

Obi-Wan grinned. "Thank you for choosing me, Master," he said smoothly. "I believe we shall have many eventful times ahead, together. I can sense it."

The two men swapped smirks and the rest of their sex-filled lives together began on that note.

***

Meanwhile, far, far away, on a dark ship speeding away from the Jedi Home-planet...

"Not that damn Booboo, was it?" the hooded Sith Lord asked of his young horned companion.

Maul nodded in embarrassment.

"That thing has more Force in it that every Jedi or Sith combined. It was Yoda's before it was Qui-Gon's, and it was the reason I turned to the Dark Side also," Sidious said, clenching his fists. "There's no shame in admitting it."

He reached up and planted two strong hands on Maul's shoulders, forcing the boy to meet his gaze.

"Listen to me," he said in a voice that commanded both fear and respect. "You can have all the teddy-bears you want if you stay with me, Darth Maul. Yes, you are now my apprentice. And you will reap revenge upon those that have turned on you. You will slaughter and horrify all who you face, and will dedicate your life to spreading evil upon every planet in this universe. All will fear you."

He leaned forward, his voice lowering and his eyes glowing as red as Maul's.

"But most importantly, my Apprentice," he said. "More important than all else, you *will* have Booboo if the hells have to open and swallow all that is good into eternal torture in order for it to be so!"

An evil smirk broke out over Maul's face as the fate of his future revealed itself before him.

"Yes, Master. Booboo will be mine."

***

THE END

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