Obi-Wan sat on the cold stone tiles of the Jedi Academy kitchens, dutifully cleaning them until they sparkled. He smiled contentedly as he wiped the last piece of dirt away, knowing that it was a job well done.
"Oh, I _so_ hope that Father Dearest will be proud of me!" he sighed as he dragged the bucket full of murky water over to the sinks to be emptied. He sighed again as he hefted the bucket up and tipped it down the drain. "Oh, but nothing I do seems to please him!"
Ever since Obi-Wan's mother had remarried, he had been somehow demoted to the level of a slave. Everything had been fine when his new father Palpatine had originally moved in. He had been kind and caring - always behaving like the true diplomat he was. But then once his mother found a job on a distant planet, suddenly his father's behaviour changed and it was like he was a completely different person. Suddenly, it was: "Obi-Wan! Clean the floors!", or "Obi-Wan! Go help your brother Maul brush his teeth!", or even worse: "Obi-Wan! Go help your other brother Mace apply that ointment for his...rash!"
At that moment, Sidious - Obi-Wan had now been forced to call Palpatine that - came flouncing into the room, interrupting the boy in mid-thought.
"Obi-Wan!" he bellowed, while waving a piece of paper around with his hand. "Come with me, now!"
Obi-Wan dutifully followed his father out of the kitchens and up three flights of stairs until they reached the chambers of Maul and Mace. Sidious swept into the room and struck a pose in the centre, waiting for his two children to notice him. Unfortunately, his spoilt children were too busy preening themselves in front of the wall length mirrors, to notice him. He cleared his throat loudly, and stood with one hand on a hip and the other in the air still waving the piece of paper around.
"Boys! Boys!" he yelled impatiently. "We have received an invitation to go to the Annual Jedi Ball!"
Maul and Mace suddenly spun around and rushed over to their father.
"Oh, Father!" exclaimed Mace. "How exciting!!"
"But father..," interrupted Maul, with a confused expression. "We're not Jedi, we're Si-"
Sidious quickly dragged his son by a horn over to the far side of the room.
"Shhhh!" he whispered hastily. "Only you know about that! I haven't even told your other brother yet as I'm worried he hasn't quite realised that we're only pretending to be good."
"Ahhh," said Maul, nodding. "Well, considering he's already reached the role of Jedi Master, don't you think it's possibly time to mention that to him?"
Sidious gave his son a pointed look.
"Was that sarcasm, my boy?"
Maul gave the question some consideration.
"Uh, yes," he answered finally. "Sarcasm is a path to the Dark Side."
Sidious considered this. Then he shrugged his shoulders.
"Yes, I suppose it could be, Maul. Well said."
"Thank you, father."
The two Siths made their way back to Mace and Obi-Wan.
"Ok, my two favourite sons - you've got some organising to do!" commanded Sidious while pointing to strewn clothes and makeup containers scattered over the room. "I want you both to look your best for the ball. It _is_ tomorrow night!"
"Tomorrow night?!" screeched Mace, doing a very credible impression of Munch's 'The Scream', had he in fact known of any artists from a galaxy far, far away. "Obi-Wan! Get here now! We've got preparing to do!"
Obi-Wan looked around, excitedly.
"I'm going too? I don't have anything to wear!"
Sidious, Maul and Mace stared at him simultaneously and then all burst out laughing.
"You don't think _you_ are seriously going, do you boy?!" howled Sidious in laughter.
"When I said that _we've_ got preparing to do, I meant that _you're_ going to help _me_!" taunted Mace. "We don't want you there embarrassing us."
Obi-Wan hung his head to hide his disappointment.
"I...was just...joking..." he mumbled by way of an excuse, before trudging over to Mace.
Maul, who'd been watching the interaction in the hope that he could find an opportunity to kill one of the other three occupants of the room, decided it was time instead to question Sidious further.
"Father? Why are you invited to a Jedi Ball? At most, you're just a Senator."
Sidious glared at his son, little flickers of lightning building up around the tips of his fingers.
"_Just_ a senator, Maul?"
Maul rolled his eyes, which caused a rather warped hallucinogenic kaleidoscopic effect to anyone watching. Unfortunately, further than that, it did nothing but further anger Sidious.
"Care to explain that reaction, Maul?" he hissed.
Maul just shrugged his shoulders. "You're going to do that: "I'm the big, bad Senator who's going to take over the universe, and aren't all these silly little Jedi's stupid for falling for it, ah ha hahahahahaHAHAHAA!!" thing, aren't you?"
Sidious' pupils narrowed.
"I. Don't. Think. That's. Entirely. What. I. Do. Thank. You. Very. Much. Maul," he growled slowly.
Maul stood his ground.
"Yes you do, Father," he replied. "You're melodramatic and can't do a thing without needing to show off with a little lightning effect or maybe a poignant glower from under the hood of your robe. It's all for effect. It's not the slightest bit necessary!"
"You tell him, sister!" yelled Mace, with a wobble of his hips and a point of his finger.
An embarrassed silence filled the room.
"Err...You know what I meant..." mumbled Mace, before quickly grabbing Obi-Wan's arm and ordering him around in the hope that all would be forgotten.
Luckily for him it had, but Sidious was not willing to let his other son win that easily.
"Effect?!" he yelled. "You're criticizing me for having too much melodramatic effect?! Look at _you_!" he continued yelling, while gesturing wildly in the direction of Maul's face. "Who was it that begged his dear Father into bringing him down to the tattoo parlor on the day of his eighteenth birthday to get _that_ done? Who went through his goth stage and _cried_ when he thought he was not getting his own black cloak for his birthday?!"
"You only got me the peel-off tattoo the first time, and the cloak was two sizes too big," muttered Maul in reminiscence. "I looked like an small hat-rack covered with a black blanket, which happened to have peeling sunburn!"
Before the argument and past grudges could be explored in a more violent manner, Mace strutted his way between the glowering figures, holding up two identical formal Jedi outfits.
"Which one do you reckon will make my butt look smaller?" he asked, while holding each one up in front of him.
Maul rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"Try them _on_, you idiot," he growled.
Sidious stared at the interaction between his two children, then screamed in exasperation at the thought that he had to admit any kind of relationship to them.
"I'm leaving!" he yelled. "And you two better be ready by tomorrow night, as the Jedi Ball, which-you-are-attending-as-we're-official-political-guests-" he spat out quickly with a pointed look at Maul, "-is only a day away!"
With that announcement, he swirled around and stormed out of the room.
* * *
24 hours later...
* * *
"MAAAAAAAAAAULLL!!"
Maul glanced up uncaringly from the "Three Colours Black" video he'd been watching, and shot his brother a "this-better-be-worth-it-as-I'm-just-up-to-the-good-shade-of-black" look.
Mace totally missed the look and instead stood with his hands on his hips, glaring in a totally unconvincing manner.
"Where is my nail file, Maul?" he asked, accusingly.
"What makes you think I have it?" Maul shot back.
"I saw you with it before! Give it back!"
"Oh..." replied Maul, giving his brother an obviously feigned show of surprise. "That was your nail file?...I thought it was my toothbrush." He grinned widely, showing his yellow, pointed, and now filed teeth.
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Mace. "FAAAAAAAAATHERRR!!"
Sidious, who'd been walking past their door at the time, stuck his head in to get a quick fix of anger-vibes. Mace mistook it for concern, and proceeded to dob his brother in for his hideous crime.
"Father! Maul used my favourite nail file as a toothbrush!" he whined, stabbing an accusing finger at his brother.
Sidious looked over at Maul.
"Did you do that, Maul?" he asked.
Maul nodded. Mace jumped up and down behind their Father with a gleeful "you're-in-trouble-now" look.
Sidious stormed over to Maul, picked him up by a horn and dragged across the far side of the room, for the second time in two days.
"You really used your brother's nail file to brush your teeth with?" he hissed under his breath.
Maul nodded once again. Sidious broke out in a huge grin.
"Good boy!! That was definitely evil, and most amusing!" he admitted. "Keep it up."
"Yes, Father," said Maul, feeling rather smug with himself. "Thank you, Father."
Sidious nodded and then turned and left the room, having his own preparations to finish for the Ball which was less than an hour away.
Mace stuck his tongue out at his brother when Maul returned to take his seat again, mistaking Sidious' talk with him as a reprimand. Maul just sniggered. Annoyed at his brother's lack of appropriate response, Mace decided to pick on Obi-Wan instead.
"OBIIII-WAAANNN!!"
The poor young boy came running from the walk-in closet, struggling under the weight of Mace's possible Jedi Uniform choices for the night.
"Yes, Mace?" he inquired politely. "How may I help you?"
"It's nearly time to leave, and I haven't found the perfect outfit to wear! It's all your fault!" Mace complained loudly, snatching one of the fifty-two identical uniforms off the top of the pile in Obi-Wan's hands.
"Yeah," muttered Maul, loud enough for his brother to hear. "It must really be difficult trying to decide whether to wear beige and brown or beige and brown."
Mace threw a hairbrush at Maul. Maul just picked it up and continued giving his brother a piece of his mind.
"Hmm...and this hairbrush but be pretty much an essential part of your beauty routine, what with you having so much hair and all," he taunted, while pulling bristles out of the prized possession.
"Stop that!!" screamed Mace. "Give it back!! At least I could have hair if I want to!"
Maul gave a half-hearted attempt at feigning a hurt expression.
"Why, you've really hit a sensitive spot there, brother," he mocked. "I mean, you know I've always wished I could look like a damn grassy hill with rocks protruding!"
Mace screamed and lunged himself at his brother, both Force throwing each other across the room before either could physically connect. Two great thumps echoed across the room and down the hallway outside, causing Sidious to come storming in again. He was now wearing his formal senatorial uniform and an angry expression.
"We. Are. Leaving. Right. Now," he intoned, leaving no room for argument. He glared at Mace. "Put that uniform on that you're holding, and wait outside."
"But, Fath-" began Mace, but upon noticing a dangerous deepening of expression on Sidious' face, he quickly pulled the uniform on and stormed out the door, slamming it behind him.
Sidious then turned his attention to his other son.
"Maul, you cannot wear your Sith's uniform to a Jedi Ball."
Maul glared, already having predicted this conversation would occur.
"But Father, firstly they don't think Siths exist anymore so it won't matter, and secondly, black is both formal and slimming."
Sidious raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't realise you were concerned about your weight, my son," he replied, sarcastically.
Maul glared at his father again.
"I just meant that it will make the little Jedi idiots even more jealous and envious of me than they would be under normal circumstances."
Sidious considered this.
"Very well," he replied finally. "You may wear it."
"Thank you, Father," replied Maul as they both turned to leave the room. "I have a question, though," he added, as Sidious reached for the door handle.
"Yes, my son?"
"While I understand that you have political reasons for attending the Ball, what are our Sithly motives for going?"
Sidious' face broke out into a truly horrendous grin.
"Did I not explain this to you, Maul?" he asked, his eyes glowing evilly.
Maul shook his head.
"Why Maul, you are coming to assassinate their Jedi hero."
There was a pause as Maul soaked in the information given.
"Their hero, Father?" he almost whispered, in anticipation and excitement.
"Oh, yes, my son. As you know, each year the Ball is dedicated to the most exemplary Jedi, whose efforts have far surpassed those of any other. This year it is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. He will not only be receiving the praise of all, but will also be choosing his Padawan and successor on this very night."
"I see, Father," replied Maul, as the plan played itself in his mind. "But won't all the Jedi's already have Masters?"
"Yes, but the lucky one chosen will move under the care of Jinn and will have all the benefits and luxuries of being his successor when he dies. This lucky one also will be made an honourary member of the Council and have great influence upon all."
"Doesn't this lucky one's first Master ever complain when the student is taken away?"
"These Padawan's are all just new recruits, barely into their training. No lasting bond will have been formed so it is never a problem. After all," Sidious sneered contemptuously, "the Jedi's always do what's best for their own kind, even if that means sacrificing their position as Master to another. Everything is done for the good of the Padawan's training, after all."
"They are all fools," commented Maul. "So I must kill this Jinn at some time tonight, and cause chaos?"
"You are close," said Sidious. "You will win Jinn's affections by being the special one who will be chosen as his Padawan..."
Maul gasped in horror.
"...then," continued Sidious, feeling smug with his dramatic pause that caused such revulsion in his son, "you will kill him without anyone knowing it was you. You will divert the blame to your brother Mace and he will be kicked out of the council. When this is done, the stupid Jedi's will of course honour Jinn's wish to have you succeed him, and so you will have control of the Jedi Council and together we will take over the galaxy!! AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Maul rolled his eyes and then raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, ok, _fine_, so I do that sometimes," muttered Sidious. "But I'm really not quite the melodramatic idiot you make me out to be."
Maul chose not to comment.
"And now," stated Sidious, with a flourish of his cape. "We shall go to the Ball!"
As they make their way out of the room and slammed the door closed behind them, Obi-Wan quietly dropped Mace's clothes which had been disguising him as a huge pile of laundry. He stood in shock. The conversation he'd just heard pounded in his head. They were planning on assassinating Master Qui-Gon Jinn! They were Sith! He must warn someone!
Quickly he ran over to the door and turned the handle, only to find it was securely locked.
"No!" he cried. "I must warn them! I must stop Maul from being accepted as Master Jinn's Padawan! Yet even if I could get to the Ball, they'd never let me in as I'm not a Padawan."
He fell to the floor, tears welling in his eyes. In his mind, he knew what he wanted to do.
"I must save him. I _must_ go to the Ball!!"
***
Master Yoda, hobbling with his little cane down the passageway on his way to the Jedi Ball, stopped in his tracks and cocked his head.
"Crying, I hear?"
He walked closer to the noise and stopped in front of a door further down the passageway.
"Problem, there is?" he inquired.
The crying turned to sniffling and after a pause a small voice spoke.
"Is someone there?"
"Master Yoda, this is," replied Yoda. "Come in, I may?"
"Master Yoda!!"
A sound of frantic shuffling was heard as the owner of the voice made a quick attempt at making himself and the room look presentable.
"Err..." said the voice, finally. "The door is locked, Master Yoda. I can't open it."
"Fix that, I can," replied Yoda, and concentrated the Force on clicking the locking mechanism off. An exclamation of impressed surprise came from the other side of the door and Yoda grinned smugly.
*Still got it, I do* he thought to himself.
He then hobbled up to the door and reached for the handle. He tried again.
"Err, boy? Handle I cannot reach. Open the door, you will."
There was a pause and Yoda felt his position of awe in the boy's mind fall a notch, but nothing was commented on and the door was pulled open a second later.
"Damn equal rights for shorter species, we need," muttered Yoda as he hobbled in. "Builders, I will have a word with."
"Pardon, Master Yoda?"
"Nothing, I said," replied Yoda as he turned around and took a good look at Obi-Wan.
"Cleaning boy, you are? Darn my socks, you do?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Locked in this room, you were?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Deliberate, it was?"
"I think so, Master Yoda."
"Why?"
Obi-Wan paused. He wasn't entirely sure how to begin but an encouraging look from Yoda set him off in a second and he spilled out the entire story of the planned assassination and the Sith, and also his life story incase the Jedi Master was interested, his hopes and dreams, and even what his favourite cleaning product was. Yoda stood patiently through the entire running monologue and finally reached up and tapped the boy on the arm.
"Finished, you are?"
"...because it removes stains bette- Oh, yes, Master Yoda. I'm sorry."
Obi-Wan looked downcast as he stared at his feet in shame. Yoda felt sorry for the boy...those puppydog eyes that he was currently being given were stronger than any mind-whammy.
"Apology is not necessary," said Yoda kindly. "Important things we have to discuss now."
Obi-Wan nodded but couldn't resist a sniffle for extra effect.
"Assassination, we must stop," stated Yoda. "Deal with that, I will. Distraction, we need."
"Distraction, Master Yoda?"
"Turn Qui-Gon's attention away from Maul, we must," he explained. "You, we will use."
"Me, Master Yoda?" replied Obi-Wan with a puzzled look. "What on Coruscant can I do?"
Yoda gave him a knowing smile.
"Grab his attention, you must. Distract him from Maul, you will."
Obi-Wan nodded but then his expression turned to one of disappointment.
"Oh, Master Yoda!" he cried mournfully. "I so want to help, but I'm not a Padawan. How could I ever fool Master Qui-Gon?"
Yoda stood a step back from the boy and appraised the situation. He took in Obi-Wan's toned muscles, puppy-dog eyes, smooth skin, perfect hair, and altogether handsome appearance. He nodded sagely.
"Distract Qui-Gon, you can do. Trust me, you must," he stated wisely. "The ball, you will go to!"
"But I haven't a thing to wear!" exclaimed Obi-Wan. "I don't have Jedi robes or even the Padawan braid!"
"Problem, that is not. Supplies, I can get."
"Even the Padawan haircut and braid?"
Yoda considered the problem.
"Ah, yes, your point, I see. Yet solution, I have."
Obi-Wan's eyes lit up in expectation.
"A man, I know," explained Yoda. "Wigs, he makes. Padawan wig for you, he can do."
"Really, Master Yoda?!" exclaimed Obi-Wan excitedly. Then his expression turned to puzzlement. "How do you know that?"
Yoda had the decency to look embarrassed.
"Err...wigs we need, when...productions...we do..." he explained vaguely, then quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, get ready, you must. Not much time, we have."
Yoda reached up and grabbed hold of Obi-Wan's hand and pulled him out the door.
* * *
(...twenty minutes later...)
* * *
"Impressive, you look."
Obi-Wan stood in front of the full-length mirror, gaping in awe at his now Jedi-uniform-clad self. Tears of happiness began to seep out the corners of his eyes.
"Oh, Master Yoda! I never thought I'd ever be wearing this!"
Yoda smiled kindly, then gently pulled on the boy's robe to get him to kneel at Yoda-height. Obi-Wan complied and a whole new cascade of tears fell from his eyes as the ancient Jedi Master ceremoniously placed the Padawan wig on the boy's head.
"Hmmm..." appraised Yoda enigmatically at the sight of the wig now positioned properly on Obi-Wan's head. "A long braid, you have. A longer braid I have never seen, apart from on Qui-Gon himself. Very long braid, my old Padawan had. Longest in the entire academy, it was. Envy of all other Padawans, he was."
Obi-Wan blushed pink in a very pretty fashion as Yoda made suggestive eyebrow wiggles.
"Now Jedi you will be, for this night," said Yoda proudly, redirecting the conversation to the crisis at hand. "But late we now are, as the ball we need to be at."
Obi-Wan raised his wrist to look at his shiny Padawan watch. Five minutes later and with a little Force-assisted help from Yoda, he managed to extract his arm from the bottomless depths of his robe.
"Oh, no!!" Obi-Wan squeaked. "We're very late!!"
Yoda grabbed hold of the boy's hand and pulled at it to direct Obi-Wan towards the door.
"Fashionably late, it is called," he stated sagely, still pulling on the boy's arm. Three minutes later, Obi-Wan stopped staring at himself in the mirror and actually noticed the Jedi Master hanging off his arm.
"Oh! Sorry, Master Yoda! I'm coming!"
Yoda just grumbled something about platform shoes needing to make a comeback into Jedi Council Member fashion, and followed Obi-Wan out of the room and towards the main hall for the Ball.
* * *
...(meanwhile, at the ball)...
* * *
Sidious beamed his fake smile towards every corner of the massive hall, and gave a few delicate wrist-twirling waves that would make any queen jealous. Maul, whose fake smile was currently causing permanent trauma for anyone who looked his way, ground his teeth and hissed at his Master.
"While I know the final result of this night will be beneficial for us, Father, I really despise having to put on this act," he growled under his breath, as he flashed his teeth at yet another young Padawan who ran away screaming.
"You're a Sith, my son," replied Sidious. "It's not really meant to be all heart-warming fun. And by the way, you're meant to be _attracting_ the Jedi in the room, not scaring them off. I suggest you forget about trying to smile and just straight-out seduce them all."
Maul glared at his father.
"But you said I'm only meant to be seducing Qui-Gon," he hissed, then accidentally pierced his own lip in an attempt to stop a very un-Sith-like pout.
"Put a stud through that, my boy," commented Sidious upon noticing the wound. "You might just start a new fashion trend within the Jedi Academy. That would definitely be amusing, what with all the young Padawan's being disciplined by their Masters...for...getting...piercings..."
Sidious' eyes glazed over and Maul rolled his eyes.
"Father. I don't think it's very Sith-like to have sexual thoughts about Jedi."
Sidious just widened his grin.
"My mental picture has them performing some _very_ Sith-like practices of 'Naughty Padawan being disciplined by Strong Master'...and, 'Rebellious Padawan being bent over..."
"Father!"
Sidious murmured an acknowledgement of the fact his son was complaining, but chose to stay in his mental world for a moment longer. Or at least until the Handcuffed Padawan had finished being spanked by the Randy Master.
Maul just rolled his eyes again and stared off at his brother who was currently deeply involved in an argument with another Jedi...
"My lightsaber's bigger than your lightsaber!"
Maul quickly tuned out of eavesdropping on that conversation. He instead took Sidious' advice and shot a full-pelt lustful look at a passing Padawan. The poor young boy slipped over on his own drool and fell to the floor unconscious and limp. Well, the majority of his body was limp, anyway. Maul grinned smugly. He was starting to suspect this night wouldn't be as bad as he originally thought. He turned his attention to his father. Sidious was currently accumulating his own puddle of drool as his pelvis slowly thrust forward into the invisible Disobedient Padawan before him.
Maul shuddered. *Back to Mace* he thought.
He returned his attentions to his brother, who was now having the finer points of Force-use argued at him...
"I can mind whammy better than you can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"No I can't!...Damn!"
Maul grinned. Annoying though his brother was, there was still a degree of family pride hanging around when it came to defeating a Jedi at anything. Luckily for him, though, he didn't have to feel sibling pride for too much longer, as at that moment, Qui-Gon Jinn entered the hall.
* * *
"The Honourable Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master," the announcer intoned by way of an introduction as the guest of the Ball entered the hall. Hundreds of heads turned to gasp in awe at the sight of the one so famous and respected. Then all politely pretended the distinguished one didn't trip over his own robe, two steps into the room.
"He's a big man," one three-headed creature whispered to another, by way of a comment on Qui-Gon's accident. "I heard Master Yoda once say that it must be quite difficult for the man as he has such big feet."
"Master Yoda said that?" replied the creature's companion in astonishment and disbelief.
"Well, no, actually he said: 'Clumsy he is, when clodhoppers he has to walk on.'"
Before that conversation could go any further, Qui-Gon began his journey into the centre of the room, indicating that the selection process for his future Padawan was to begin. Suddenly, the entire room seemed to be upon the Jedi Master, pushing and shoving each other in desperate attempts to grab his attention. Some opted to stick body parts at him in the hope he'd find them attractive. Others tried to strike up conversations but they all drowned each other out as the talking turned into yelling in an effort to be heard. Maul stood back throughout all this, pondering his first move. He looked to his father for advice. Sidious gave a motion with his hand that brought a wicked smile to Maul's face. In one swift hand movement all the Padawans were scattered around the room, leaving a clear path to the lone figure of Qui-Gon, who was looking rather confused and wondering whether he'd accidentally done that while trying to push bodies away to gain breathing space.
His thoughts were short-lived as Maul strode quickly up to Qui-Gon, shouldering all other Padawans who'd managed to recover too quickly out of the way, and struck a groin-stirringly provocative pose. After the cleaners had rushed in to do an emergency clean-up of the drool-flooded floor, Maul thought it was time to move onto introductions.
"My name is Maul."
"Maul," replied Qui-Gon, obviously _very_ interested. "Do you have a surname?"
"Sith do not ha-!...er...I mean, no, apparently I don't."
Qui-Gon's expression turned to a slightly puzzled one, but upon Maul completing a quick bicep flex he lost all interest in what had been said.
"That's a fine body you have, Maul," he said instead. "Do you train in the academy's gym often?"
Maul considered his reply.
"Yes," he answered. "I train against Jedi often."
Qui-Gon nodded, completely missing the underlying subtext.
"Care to dance?" he said instead, trying for a more forward tactic.
Maul shot him a grin, momentarily regretted it after noticing Qui-Gon's flash of fear at his teeth, but compensated by performing a quick grope of the Jedi Master's cock.
*Screw subtlety* Maul thought as Qui-Gon jumped in surprise and delight and almost tripped over his own feet...again...in the effort to push as many parts of his body towards Maul in one go as was humanly possible. The problem there was that Maul was already halfway to the dance floor, leaving a stumbling Jedi Master desperately trying to catch up to him. By this stage, all other Padawans had recovered and the dancing room was now quite crowded.
*All the better for cover and escape* thought Maul.
As they spun around the room, Maul caught a glance from Sidious, followed by a meaningful nod. He knew what that meant and he chuckled evilly.
"Is something funny?" Qui-Gon asked worriedly.
Maul looked a little sheepish upon realising that chuckling to oneself should probably mean _inside_ one's head. Now he had to think of an excuse.
"Err...just thinking of...something...someone said..." He grimaced. *Good one, Maul* he thought to himself. *That was original* Suddenly his brain thought it would work again. *Hey! Why do I even care what he thinks?! It's not like I'm seriously trying to impress him!*
Maul looked up into Qui-GOn's eyes to find them staring at him strangely. He gave the Jedi a half-hearted grope to clear up any worries, and then reached for the dagger he'd hidden among his robes earlier. The blade caught the light as he turned it slightly in his hand, searching for the perfect grip.
"Twirl?"
"Huh?"
Maul quickly put his hand back in his robes and gave Qui-Gon a quizzical look.
"Can I twirl you?" the Jedi Master asked again, one hand lifted about head height and doing spinning motions of an invisible partner in an attempt to explain the move.
"Oh, ok," agreed Maul as his plan clicked into action inside his head. He'd spin around a few times and as Qui-Gon would pull him back into his arms, he would thrust the dagger deep into his stomach. He reached up to the Jedi Master's offered hand and began to twirl in time to the music, the dagger slowly inching out from its hiding place. He noticed his brother Mace dancing close by just as planned, and angled himself so as to be ready to plant the dagger on him when the deed was done. Finally the time was right and he undertook a wide twirl and came around to face Qui-Gon, dagger at the ready. He stabbed hard and fast. He felt the blade penetrate the vulnerable body easily, sliding in smoothly. He grinned widely, his mouth set in a triumphant smirk as slowly his head settled down from after the spinning and his eyes focused on the impaled figure of the cream puff.
"What the...??!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maul's head shot around to take in the sight of the very much alive Jedi Master who had moved about a foot away from his planned position and was staring intently at the doorway to the hall. A majorly serious flood was occurring on the floor in front of Qui-Gon as the drool cascaded off his gaping jaw. Maul's head shot back to the cream puff which had been skewered with deadly accuracy on his dagger.
"Hmm...cream puff..." he mumbled as his stomach made its opinions known. "Lactose intolerant..." his mouth automatically added as his left arm reflexively grabbed a nearby waiter.
"Not a problem, sir. We cater for everyone's needs," replied the distracted waiter, and at that moment Maul realised _everyone_ in the room had frozen and was facing the sight in the doorway. He turned to look at what was causing such an interest. His eyes took in the sight of a stunning mystery Padawan, clad perfectly in Jedi robes and shining black boots, and an impressively long Padawan braid.
"Damn, that's long," muttered Maul appreciatively, then jealousy overcame him...then common sense conquered both reactions and he shook his head. *I do not like Jedi, and how can I be jealous of not having a Padawan braid that I can't even grow* he rationalized to himself. *And while you're at it, me, pick your lower jaw off the ground and act like a true Sith before Father kills you* his self-respect added. *Speaking of Father...* he thought as he turned his head around the room in the hope that his reaction to the extraordinary Padawan hadn't been seen by Sidious. His eyes widened in shock and disgust as he noticed a frozen-still Sidious holding an unconscious match of I-Can-Drool-More-Than-You-Can with various Padawans surrounding him.
"Who is that masked man?" gasped Sidious to the room in general.
"He's not masked..." ventured a helpful waiter.
Sidious glared at him.
"Does 'Who is that unmasked man' sound anywhere near as impressive? I think not!"
"Well...no...but..."
"Oh, I see. What, you were going for more of a: 'Who is that man with nothing really covering his face?'"
It was at this stage in the conversation that the poor waiter realised he probably should have kept his mouth shut.
"Err...no...but why mention what does or doesn't cover his face, anyway? I mean, why not just say: 'Who is that man?...' Short and too the point, you see."
"What?!" Sidious spluttered out. "'Who is that man'?! What _are_ you thinking?!"
"Sorry!" apologized the waiter, without even wondering why he should have to apologize. "How about: 'Who is that fine looking Padawan'?"
"Boring!"
"'Who is that impressiv-'"
"NO!!"
"'Who is that sexy young thing'?"
"Hmm...actually, that's not bad," Sidious conceded. "But how about changing it a little to: "Who is that masked man'?" he inquired politely with a subtle wave of his hand.
"Who is that masked man... Perfect! Genius!" exclaimed the waiter, before shaking his head and drifting off into the crowd.
Sidious smirked.
"I am hot shit," he thought.
Not far from him in the crowd, Maul shot his head around at the sound of that line, and part of his brain told him in all certainty that it would have sounded much better coming from him. In some parallel dimension, far, far away, a group of humanoids nodded fervently.
At that moment, as it seemed obvious that the man announcing the arrival of guests was otherwise preoccupied with perving, Yoda, who'd been left unnoticed at Obi-Wan's ankles, thought it was time to break the spell.
"Nothing to see here, there isn't! Back to what you were doing, please go!"
The crowd slowly fell back into action, accompanied by various mumblings, the loudest being: "What's he mean, 'nothing to see here'? From what I can see, there's one impressive load of _something_ to see!"
Maul, upon noticing that everything had nearly returned to normal, felt he'd better try his assassination again before his father noticed his first failure. All the Padawans in the room were back to trying to impress Qui-Gon, and so Maul had to shove his way through the fast developing crowd until he reached the Jedi Master. He gave a few suggestive wiggles, some meaningful gropes and otherwise sexually oriented behavior. There was no response. Maul was confused. It had worked before. What had changed? Then he noticed that the Jedi Master was still standing stock still, staring at the young Padawan at the doorway. Qui-Gon had eyes for no one else. No other Padawan in the room could catch his attention, not even Maul whose best muscle flexes were left completely unnoticed.
* * *
Meanwhile, Obi-Wan stood at the doorway, staring at the room in awe. Never in his life had he thought he'd be here as a guest rather than a servant. Suddenly his jaw dropped to the ground as his eyes locked with those of the infamous Jedi Master for whom this Ball was being held. His eyes bulged wide as he took in the impeccably flawless appearance of the tall man, from his silky long hair, to his huge...oh, so very huge hands...down to his powerful legs visible above his shiny black boots.
"Gaahh..!" he said, quite emphatically.
Yoda, down by his left leg, placed a reassuring hand on the young man's wrist patting it gently. He sensed the boy was about to run in panic.
"Brave you will be. Do this, you can."
"I can't, Master Yoda!" whispered Obi-Wan worriedly. "How can I ever fool him? He's so...regal and famous and handsome...and wonderful...and..." He sighed melodramatically. "He'll never want me," he finished sadly.
Yoda just chuckled causing Obi-Wan took look down in confusion.
"Want you he will. Want you already, he does!" Yoda said, pointing at the Jedi Master who was still standing in a pool of his own drool, staring directly at Obi-Wan.
"Ohmigod!!" screeched Obi-Wan in panic and excitement. "He's looking at me!!" Quickly he did an automatic straightening of non-existent creases in his robes and checked his wig was in place. "What do I do?! I look okay, don't I? Oh! He's not staring at me because I have something on my face, is he? I don't do I?! Ohmigod, tell me I don't!!!!!"
Yoda held back a grin as he noticed Qui-Gon was running through the same thoughts to himself half a room away.
"Look fine, you do. Talk to him, you should," advised Yoda, administering a slight Force-push to the boy to send him on his way over to Qui-Gon who was still subtly straightening his own clothing and running fingers quickly through his hair.
In a matter of seconds, Obi-Wan was standing in front of the man of his dreams.
*Yikes!* thought his subconscious, but his libido kicked the worry down.
He looked up into equally love-stuck eyes and raised his eyebrows in amazed delight. Qui-Gon bowed low then delicately lifted the young man's hand and planted a delicate kiss on the smooth skin. Obi-Wan came dangerously close to swooning, but Yoda, who'd followed him over, tapped him on the shins meaningfully before his composure could totally leave him.
"I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn," Qui-Gon introduced himself in a very macho sounding voice.
"I...I...love you..." whispered Obi-Wan, experiencing mixed emotions of excitement, fright, shock and embarrassment all in one.
Qui-Gon completely lost his composure at Obi-Wan's confession, and his voice rose about two octaves as giddiness overcame him.
"Really?!!!" he almost screeched. "Because...I..." He blushed pink. "I...kinda think I love you too..." He giggled and Yoda hit him in the shins to try and stop the man before he lost all his dignity.
* * *
Meanwhile, Maul was planning his next assassination attempt with his Father's unwanted help.
"Father! I _know_!" cried Maul for the eighth time in the last five minutes. "Do it near Mace and make sure he's there this time."
"Exactly, my boy," replied Sidious. "You nearly had it the first time, if it wasn't for your poor aim."
"There's nothing wrong with my aim!" hissed Maul, steam fizzling off his horns. Sidious smiled self-indulgently as he soaked up the radiating anger. "And I'm surprised you noticed considering I nearly could have killed you and the entire rest of the room while you all stood staring open mouthed at that new Padawan!"
"Everyone in the room, but _Jinn_" mocked Sidious. "This time you will get it right and as you stab him I will reveal myself to the Jedi-"
"-and we will have our revenge?"
"I was going to say that, boy. Don't interrupt me."
"I'd be sorry, Father, but that would be un-Sith like of me."
"Hmm...too true, my boy. Be bitter. It suits you wonderfully."
"Thank you, father."
* * *
"So you *really* fought against one hundred Sith and won?!" Obi-Wan gasped in awe, well into admiring the endless wonder that was Qui_Gon Jinn, Jedi Master extraordinaire.
Qui-Gon nodded proudly, puffing his chest out.
"It could have been more like two hundred, actually," he boasted, his voice lowering to an even manlier pitch.
Common sense momentarily made its way back into Obi-Wan's head.
"But haven't the Sith been extinct for 1000 years?"
Qui-Gon pondered this.
"I'm blessed with that natural youthful look."
"Wooowwww..." replied a mightily impressed Obi-Wan.
* * *
"Go over there, Maul!" hissed Sidious to his son. "Mace is in position. Your time is _now_!"
* * *
A nagging thought suddenly rose to the surface of Obi-Wan's mind, while he stood listening to Qui-Gon's new story of how he'd saved an entire planet by the clever use of a hairpin and paperclip.
"Master Qui-Gon! Senator Palpatine and Maul are Sith and they're planning on assassinating you tonight!"
He looked slightly embarrassed at having forgotten such an important fact and shot a worried look at Yoda, but the little Jedi Master hadn't noticed due to the fact he'd started a one-creature conga line circling the two men's legs. Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan, hardly changing his expression.
"Sith? That's nice. So what are you doing later?"
Obi-Wan paused. His brain told him he had a choice of two responses to Qui-Gon's reaction, one Sith-related, one not. All parts of his anatomy joined forces and made the decision for him. He giggled cutely.
"Nothing..." he replied shyly, batting his eyelashes.
Yoda, who'd been hovering with one foot in the air next to Obi-Wan's ankles, hit Qui-Gon sharply on the shin.
"OWW!!"
"Serves you right, it does. Imminent danger, you are in, yet act like hormone-ruled boy, you do!!"
* * *
Just then the imminent danger made his way to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, under the watchful eye of his father. Sidious' smile grew wider as he saw Maul slowly draw his dagger into view once again. He allowed himself a self-indulgent cackle as Maul pretended to stumble into the two Jedi and he saw a glint of light as the weapon was thrust firmly into Qui-Gon's stomach. Sidious laughed out loud as he saw the Jedi Master's expression of surprise and shock as the man hunched over slightly, his weight supported instantly by the Padawan.
Sidious knew his moment had come.
Stepping forward, he flourished his previously hidden lightsaber and let his face distort into its usual evil expression. He began a snicker, turned it into a chuckle, which rose into a full-blown cackle, and ending in a most impressive bellowing scream. Needless to say, that was a conversation-stopper.
"You idiots!!" he screeched. "All you pathetic Jedi will cower before me and be ruled by the Sith! Our time has come and evil and destruction will conquer the universe!! Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"
Maul rolled his eyes.
Unfortunately for Sidious, his speech was momentarily ignored as all eyes were now focused on Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, the latter of the two still cupping the taller man's cock in his hand. Qui-Gon was bent over a little in a futile attempt to stop his instant erection, and Maul was left unnoticed about a foot away, steam threatening to frizzle his horns off his skull.
Sidious paused. Suddenly the pieces started clicking together. Maul still had the dagger in his hand, completely free of bloodstains. Slowly he replayed the scene in his mind. Maul had thrust the dagger after bumping into the two Jedi. What had gone wrong? Oh. The Padawan had been in mid-process of reaching for an uncharacteristically bold grope, and was knocked forward into completing the move faster than anticipated. Qui-Gon naturally had been surprised and had reflexively bent down into the young man's grip, just as Maul's dagger came around for the final kill. Yet he missed again as the Jedi Master had bent his body out of its original position, saving his life.
*Bugger that boy* thought Sidious. *If this is going to be done, it looks like I'm going to have to do it myself*
In the split second he sent off a round of purple lightning aimed straight for the Jedi Master's head, Qui-Gon bent his head further down to finally plant his first tentative kiss on Obi-Wan's lips. The bolt of lightning continued on its path and ended up setting alight the row of sparklers upon Qui-Gon's celebratory cake, causing a very impressive light show. A chorus of ooooh's and ahhhh's filled the room. Suddenly as one, everyone in the hall was sufficiently distracted from the Jedi to allow the words that Sidious had just yelled sink into their brains like lead. A room full of Jedi turned their heads, reached for their lightsabers and stared at the Senator. Sidious stared back.
"Oh. What an absolute _bastard_."
And with that he Force jumped out of the closest window, never to be seen again.
* * *
By this stage, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were still completely ignorant of what was happening around them, and in fact were now sitting on the floor with their hands groping anything within reach. Obi-Wan was staring in amazement at Qui-Gon's long hair, running his fingers through the silky strands.
"I use shampoo and conditioner twice a day, you know," commented Qui-Gon proudly. "That's how I maintain that shiny, healthy look."
"That's so clever!" replied a love-struck Obi-Wan.
Yoda hobbled up and smacked Qui-Gon with his cane, trying to bring the man's attention to the recent dramas surrounding him. Qui-Gon jerked back as he felt the blow, his hands getting caught on his young love's braid as he did so. Obi-Wan made a quick grab for his head as he felt the pins of his wig come loose.
"Pay attention, you will!" yelled Yoda to Qui-Gon. "Sith, there was!"
Qui-Gon completely ignored him as all he could notice was the fact that the lovely Padawan was standing up, clutching his head.
"Did I hurt you?" Qui-Gon almost cried, reaching for the boy's head in an attempt to stroke him better.
"I'm fine!" squealed Obi-Wan, feeling even more pins coming loose. It would not hold much longer, he was sure of that. "I have to go! I'm sorry! I have to go now!" He ran for the door, desperately hoping his wig would hold until he was out of sight of everyone.
"Wait!!" Qui-Gon yelled after him, and as Obi-Wan half turned to take one last look at the Jedi Master, he tripped over his Jedi robes. He managed to steady himself and keep running but his wig fell fully to the ground, both his hands now too preoccupied with holding the bottom of his robes up to notice the loss. Out of the door of the great hall he ran, leaving a room full of chaos behind him.
Only Qui-Gon stood still, surrounded by people rushing madly about him. Yet he was oblivious to all his surroundings as he slowly walked over and picked up the fallen wig, staring longingly at it with mixed emotions of infatuation, disappointment, and worry. Yet there was one emotion that rose above all else.
Determination.
* * *
(...the next day...)
* * *
"Father was a Sith, Maul!!" screeched Mace for the one hundred and fifty second time since they'd returned from the Ball the night before.
"Yes. Congratulations," muttered Maul, in an utterly black mood. "Your hearing's fine. Oh look. So is mine. I HEARD IT TOO, YOU IDIOT!!"
Obi-Wan, lost under a pile of clothes to be washed, thought he'd better stay away from his two fuming brothers.
*Well, it was worth it* he thought to himself. *I had my moment of fantasy, so I suppose it's back to real life for me. I shouldn't fool myself into thinking Master Qui-Gon would ever wish to speak to be again if he found out that I am just a lowly servant*
He sighed quietly and began picking up the last of the clothes to be brought down to the laundry-room. Before he could make it to the door, a pitiful knock was heard. The sound conveyed a lot about the emotional state of the person knocking. Maul and Mace paused in their fight and both grabbed the handle after a brief struggle and pulled open the door roughly. Qui-Gon Jinn stood before them, head bowed in depression and huge hands fidgeting with the limp hair he was holding.
"I'm searching for the one whose wig this is," he sighed sadly. "He left me so quickly last night. I don't even know his name."
Maul, knowing that his father would probably find him soon enough and want a progress report, decided he better try his hand at the wig.
"It's mine," he admitted, not too convincingly.
Qui-Gon looked at him in doubt.
"Err...I'm...not so...sure of that...but you can try if you want," he offered diplomatically.
Maul grabbed the wig from the Jedi Master's hands and placed it on his head. Mace burst out in a fit of laughter. Even the thoroughly depressed Qui-Gon managed to twitch up a corner of his mouth. The view, admittedly, was quite amusing. Maul stood in the middle of the room with the light browny-blond wig balancing awkwardly on top of his horns like a badly fitting toupee. He growled and snatched it off his head, realising he wasn't going to win by this tactic. He then noticed Qui-Gon staring at him with a puzzled expression on his face. Maul was past caring.
"What?" he snapped.
"Haven't I seen you before?"
Maul came dangerously close to undertaking an automatic pout but luckily realised that he shouldn't care that the Jedi Master couldn't remember his spectacular flirting.
"Maybe," he mumbled. "S'not like I'd remember you or anything."
Mace chuckled and made it very clear that he'd seen Maul's desperate attempts the night before of trying to catch Qui-Gon's attention.
"Rejected!" he whispered mockingly and stuck his tongue out. "Can I try?! Can I?!" piped Mace to Qui-Gon, snatching the wig away.
"Err...Mace," said Qui-Gon, utterly confused by now. "You're a Jedi Master like me. You can't be a Padawan too. You do realise this...don't you?"
Mace pouted and fluttered his eyelashes.
"I could be a Padawan if you'd like me too," he replied coyly.
Qui-Gon's expression of panic was enough to tell Mace he didn't have much of a chance. The Jedi Master turned to leave.
"Well...thank you for your time," he sighed. "There's no one else who lives here, is there?" he asked as an afterthought, a slight tinge of optimism raising his voice ever so slightly.
"No one worth noting," replied Maul, and Mace laughed as he nodded his head in agreement.
Obi-Wan, still obscured under the huge pile of clothes he was carrying, drooped his entire posture in resignation. He'd hoped... Maybe... A chance...? But no. He shouldn't think stupid thoughts like that. It was at that moment he realised that he'd dropped all the clothes when his limbs had fallen slack, and so he bent down to retrieve them. He heard a gasp as he did so and raised his head slightly to notice Qui-Gon staring at him intently.
"Who are you?" the Jedi Master asked, stepping forward to help the boy collect his dropped clothing.
"He's no one important," interrupted Mace. "Our step-brother if you must know, not that we like admitting that. The stupid little runt is more trouble than he's worth."
"Yeah," agreed Maul. "Just a servant. Ignore him."
Qui-Gon only half-heard their words as he stared deeply into Obi-Wan's eyes. Without saying a word, he reached up with the wig and placed it gently on the boy's head. A perfect fit.
"By the Force..!"
Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan by the hand and helped him stand up. Then he stood back and soaked in the view. He'd found him! It was definitely the same young man. The clothes were old and torn; nothing like the Jedi uniform he'd worn the night before, but it was definitely him. Qui-Gon hardly noticed the dirty clothes. In his opinion, the boy standing before him was fit to be an angel in heaven.
"YOU??!!!"
The word was screamed simultaneously by both Mace and Maul, and reverberated down the passageway outside their room, nearly deafening anyone unfortunate enough to be walking past at the moment. Yoda was one such victim.
"OWW! Buggered you are! Hurt, that did!!"
Yoda stumbled his way into the room, clutching at his huge and very sensitive ears. He stopped short as he took in the scene before him. A slow smile crept over his face as he looked at the two men nearest to him, both standing stock still, eyes locked together, Qui-Gon's hand still holding Obi-Wan's in an gentle grip. He then turned his head to shoot a glare at Mace and Maul, calling over a couple of passing guards in the corridor as he did so.
"Young Obi-Wan," he said after working out the best course of action at this point. He tapped the boy on the shins and did the same to Qui-Gon for good measure. After a few more taps which had become more like thumps, both men noticed the little Jedi Master.
"Master Yoda!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan..." whispered Qui-Gon, ignoring his former Master and instead just relishing the sound of the boy's name. "That's a pretty name."
Obi-Wan blushed and bowed his head in embarrassment. Mace made puking noises. Yoda shot Mace a not very impressed glare.
"Expect higher levels of maturity from Council members, I do," he reprimanded. Mace had the decency to look slightly sheepish and Maul took the opportunity to laugh in his face.
"Obi-Wan," Yoda said, turning his attentions to the boy and motioning to the guards to pay attention. "Tell us about the Sith, you will."
Obi-Wan looked momentarily confused and worried, but a slight squeeze of his hand by Qui-Gon was enough to send him into a running monologue.
"Father is a Sith and Maul is too!" he began emphatically, pointing an accusing finger across the room at his brother. "They planned your assassination and were going to blame it on Mace, Master Qui-Gon!"
Qui-Gon's expression turned to one of shock and confusion.
"My assassination?!" he exclaimed. "When were they planning on doing this?"
"Last night, at the Ball!"
"But I didn't notice anyone trying to kill me..." said the Jedi Master, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Not very mindful of anything but the boy, you were," commented Yoda with a slight knowing grin.
"Oh," replied Qui-Gon, a little embarrassed. "Was Mace in on this?"
"This I doubt," said Yoda. "After all, set him up they were going to do."
Suddenly a pillow Force-threw itself across the room and hit Maul in the face.
"You were going to set me up?!!" Mace yelled. "You...you...SITH!!!"
"Yes?" snarled Maul. "Your point?"
Yoda made a motion with his hand at the guards and quickly Maul was grabbed and held tight.
"To the dungeons, you will go! Maybe killed you will be!" yelled Yoda, having decided that he was not having the best day of his life by this stage in the proceedings.
"If I might..." Obi-Wan tentatively started. He paused while everyone's attention turned to him and Yoda motioned for him to continue. "It seems a little...drastic...isn't it? I mean...shouldn't you maybe try and rehabilitate him in a caring environment...or...something..." His voice trailed off and he lost his confidence. Qui_Gon felt that if he hugged the boy close it might cheer him up, or at least was willing to use that as an excuse for making more physical contact.
Yoda sighed.
"Suppose you are right, I do," he admitted. "Community service, he will perform."
Maul sneered.
"You think that your pitiful attempts at rehabilitating me will work?!" He laughed mockingly. "You don't have the means of turning me! I am Sith! You can never change what I am!! AAAAHAHAhahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!"
He paused in shock.
"Oh. My. God! I'm turning into my father!"
No other words he had ever or would ever say in his life could have brought upon a greater level of horror within him.
"But you're a Sith, Maul," interrupted Mace. "Doesn't that mean you want to be like Father?"
Maul grimaced.
"He's our _Father_, Mace," said Maul, as though that would explain everything. "Sith or not, it still means I've actually _inherited_ aspects of his _personality_! Do you have any idea how frightening that is for a child to realise they've turned into one of their parents?!!"
Maul was nearly yelling in panic by the end of his outburst. Even Yoda felt a sudden urge to pat him on the shoulder consolingly, but luckily resisted.
"Yesssss..." Yoda mumbled, more to himself that anyone else. "Punishment enough, that knowledge is. Less painful, I will make your formal rehabilitation."
Maul had recovered enough by now to give a small, half-hearted glare.
"It won't work. You can't break me."
"See about that, we will," replied Yoda, deep in thought. He looked over at Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon who were blissfully unaware of the conversation surrounding them due to being too busy giving each other tentative touches and kisses on any body parts within reach.
"Padawan," whispered Qui-Gon, half as a question, half as a statement.
Obi-Wan smiled in absolute delight.
"Master," he replied, and with that Qui-Gon suddenly swept Obi-Wan off his feet and carried him out of the room in what both Maul and Mace thought was a puke-worthy show of romantic love.
Yoda turned his attentions back to Maul.
"Decision I have made," he announced finally. "Servant you will be, Maul. Do everything Obi-Wan had to, you will." Maul just sneered so Yoda continued on. "Make platform shoes for me, you will. Lower all door-handles in building, you will." He paused for dramatic effect before shooting Mace a very un-Jedi-like smirk. "And design and fit my...evening wear, you will!"
Maul saw his future flash before his eyes.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"