//Masturbation need not be an obsession//
Qui-Gon looked over at his sleeping Padawan and let loose a silent scream of frustration.
//How can he be so still? So un-sexed?//
He returned to staring at the ceiling as Obi-Wan turned over in his sleep. Qui-Gon wished, not for the first time, that he had a Padawan that was into experimentation and spontaneous meaningless sex. It would all be so much simpler. Why he had to get the only damn Padawan who was 'one with the force' and 'above pleasures of the body' was beyond him.
And so he was stuck resorting to masturbation. Endlessly.
"Curse the Force!" he swore, clamping a hand over his mouth just as quickly as he realised he'd said it out loud.
A rustling of sheets sounded from Obi-Wan's bed. "Master?" murmured a sleepy voice.
"Sorry, my Padawan," said Qui-Gon quickly, adopting his professional Master voice. "I didn't say anything." He waved his hand.
Obi-Wan sat up slowly in his bed, squinting over at his Master through the gloom. "Master, you know mind tricks don't work on me," he said with a lazy smile. "Is something bothering you? Maybe we can meditate together and use the force to guide us towards the serenity you need."
Qui-Gon let loose his second mental scream for the night.
"Oh, yes, that sounds like a very 'appropriate' idea," he muttered, too frustrated to be bothered keeping the sarcasm completely from his voice.
There was silence and then a light patter of feet came towards him until Obi-Wan slid into bed next to him. Qui-Gon quickly angled himself so that his erection wasn't pointing into the boy.
"Master, tell me what's wrong," Obi-Wan said, concerned.
Qui-Gon sighed. The innocent and somewhat blank mind of his Padawan was starting to annoy him and all the 'meditating' in the universe wasn't going to cure his real need.
"Obi-Wan," he began, deciding it was time to admit the truth. "I find myself drawn to you." He paused, thinking of how to phrase his words so that they sounded wise and convincing. "The Force has guided me towards you in soul and body. I feel a strong pull to begin a sexual relationship with you. The Force has told me so." He eyed Obi-Wan, seeing if the impressionable boy would believe his rouse. "I love you," he added, for good measure.
There was a pause before his Padawan responded.
"Really, Master?" sighed obi-Wan lovingly. "I love you too." He lay back against the sheets and spread his legs invitingly. "I also feel the Force has guided us together."
Qui-Gon's eyebrows shot high and his jaw dropped as he took in the sight of his surprisingly willing Padawan lying ready for him. //*This* is all it took to get what I want?!// He silently cursed himself for not trying the tactic sooner. He leaned forward, adopting a loving serene composure and lowered his body upon Obi-Wan, stringing a trail of kisses along the young man's neck.
"Ohhh...Master," moaned Obi-Wan softly as he curled his legs around the man's waist.
Qui-Gon continued more surely, undoing Obi-Wan's clothes and feeling the smooth skin underneath, relishing the beautiful touch of the young man he had been in love with in such deep emotion and-
"OH, MASTER! GIVE IT TO ME, MASTER!!! THRUST THAT HARD SHAFT UP ME, MASTER!!! STUFF THAT COCK INSIDE ME, *MASTER*!!"
Qui-Gon froze. Did his dear, sweet young Padawan just say what he thought he did? Did those words really come from that beautiful mouth?
"Er...Obi-Wan..." he began but was cut off by another enthusiastic outburst.
"DO ME, MASTER! YOU'RE SO *HUGE*!! OH, *MASTER*!! YOU'RE SO STRONG AND BIG AND HARD!! SUCK ME!!"
Qui-Gon's mind went into overtime. He wanted his Padawan, but he wanted him a little less *vocally*. He was getting quite put off by Obi-Wan's choice of sexual accompaniment. He felt his cheeks burn. It wasn't quite the language he was used to, was all. Maybe he was being old-fashioned, but what was wrong with some quiet little "I love you"'s or maybe, at best, a "Take me"?
He had a problem.
He looked at Obi-Wan who quite obviously *didn't* have a problem.
"OH!! MASTER!! MASTER!! DON'T STOP!! STUFF ME FULL!! LICK ME! SUCK ME!! EMPALE ME WITH THAT HUGE LOVE SAUSAGE!!"
//Love sausage? Oh, nooo...// thought Qui-Gon, getting quite flustered despite his sexual frustration.
He needed sex, yes he did. He could have Obi-Wan, yes he could. Could he go on, no he couldn't. Why? He needed to shut the boy up. And what was the best way of doing that?...
Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan a kiss that would have made a vacuum cleaner jealous.
"MMMMFF! MmmmMMFF!" came the muffled and half-suffocated response from Obi-Wan as his tongue came flying out of his mouth and into his Master's.
//Keep it up and I might get through this// thought Qui-Gon to himself, finally getting into the mood after the brief set-back.
His luck was short-lived, though, as he had to accept his Padawan would need air fairly soon. He released the young man's mouth and Obi-Wan took a huge gulp of air and stared up into his Master's eyes with shock and admiration.
"OH, MASTER!! YOU'RE SO GOOD!! SUCK IT AGAIN!! SUCK IT HARDER!! OHH! MASTER!!"
Qui-Gon let himself fall limp upon his Padawan's body that was squirming enthusiastically beneath him. Plan A didn't work. Time for Plan B.
Qui-Gon grabbed hold of his Padawan's wildly flying head and held it still with his two hands. He then looked Obi-Wan meaningfully in the eyes and slowly dragged him over upon him and down towards his cock that was, against all odds, still retaining optimism that the situation could be saved. He then pushed Obi-Wan's head down against his groin and held the boy's head still determinedly.
"OH MASTER! YOUR *HUGE* COCK MASTER! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH MASTER!!! PUT YOUR..COCK..IN MY FAAAAAAAGGGNN....OUTH! MMMFFF!! MMMHHFFFFF!!! MMM!!!!!!!!!!!"
Qui-Gon sighed and tried to use the Force to shut down his hearing. Obi-Wan, he discovered, was *very* difficult to block out. Luckily, the muffling soon softened as the young Padawan made a conscientious effort of servicing his Master. As the boy sucked harder, Qui-Gon managed, through years of penned up sexual need, to bring about an impressively powerful orgasm, finally managing to completely silence Obi-Wan in the process.
After a moment of panting and swallowing, Obi-Wan rolled off his Master, kissed him on the lips and fell into a deep sleep. Qui-Gon though lay silent once more, very disturbed by how he was going to continue his new relationship with his Padawan. He'd managed that time together only because he was so desperate for release that he could ignore the...commentary. He needed help if he was to survive more. Finally, he let himself fall into a restless sleep, calming himself by the reflexive strokes of his hand along his own cock. A habit he'd have to remember to stop sometime soon.
********
The next morning Qui-Gon woke early and decided to seek Yoda for advice. It was a desperate measure but the little green toad was perverted enough to eagerly stick his nose in anyone's business. He found him teaching a class in the far wings of the academy. Raising his hand to knock politely, Qui-Gon froze before contact and stared suspiciously, choosing instead to listen to the class unfold.
"Shake booty you must! Get nookie you will!"
The class full of only barely post-pubescent Padawans sat blushing madly in their own private humiliations. Yoda hobbled over to the nearest luckless pupil and prodded him with his cane.
"Nookie you get, Hmmm?"
The poor boy nodded awkwardly, staring desperately into his desk in the hope that if he couldn't see the old Jedi Master that maybe this all wasn't happening.
"Good boy!" said Yoda approvingly, oblivious to the discomfort he was causing his students. "A new lesson we begin."
Some of the slightly older students in the class seemed less embarrassed by the proceedings and sat up attentively in their seats. They had reached the stage, somewhere past mortal embarrassment, where Yoda's lessons where all beginning to seem practical for use. Qui-Gon stood in disbelief, finally realising where his own older Padawan had learned his foul language. He shuddered. It was almost like being in bed with Yoda, now he thought about it.
"Monkey, you will spank!" proclaimed the ancient Jedi Master suddenly, interrupting his thoughts. Qui-Gon cringed, as did most of the class.
Yoda hobbled over to another victim and motioned for the boy to stand up. "Spank it, you do?"
The boy, eyes wide in shock and trauma, nodded fractionally, blushing dangerous levels of heat.
"Spank it till red, you will!" cried Yoda, tapping the boy to sit again, and directing his announcement to the entire class. "Hmmm? Do this you will?"
The class nodded as one, all staring at indistinguishable spots on the floor. Yoda nodded approvingly and finally noticed Qui-Gon standing in the doorway.
"Spank it till red, you do?" he asked, by way of a greeting.
Qui-Gon felt himself being sucked back to his days of Padawanhood and automatically dipped his head, shuffling his feet. He nodded, mortified.
Yoda chuckled, happy with the control he still held over the grown Jedi Master. "Problem you have?" he asked, lowering his voice after motioning to the class to wait for him. They walked a few steps out the door to lend a space of privacy.
"Yes, Master," said Qui-Gon. "I have a problem. It's Obi-Wan." He shot a disapproving look at the older Jedi. "Though now I'm not sure you are the best teacher to help me with my problem."
"Get it up, you cannot?" asked Yoda, nodding understandingly.
"NO!" Qui-Gon felt the blush reach his hairline. "I mean, I can, but no! That's not it. It's just that...me and Obi-Wan got together last night-"
"Good to hear, this is!" cried Yoda, patting his little hand upon Qui-Gon's calf. "Blind you would soon be, had this move not been made."
Qui-Gon wondered if running away would seem immature. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself who he was talking to and managed to stand his ground. "Thank you for those words of caring advice," he said, more than a little insincere. "My *problem* though is with Obi-Wan's expression. He, uh, is very vocal in quite a lewd manner."
"Talk dirty, he does," nodded Yoda, understanding. "Taught him that, I did."
//Need to know that, I didn't// cringed Qui-Gon silently.
"Heard that, I *did*"
Qui-Gon winced. He'd forgotten Yoda lacked the tact needed to know when not to eavesdrop on other's thoughts.
"Forgive you, I will," continued Yoda, with a pointed look, "as greater mission, there is. If want Obi-wan you do, then lingo you must learn."
"What?" exclaimed Qui-Gon, hoping that didn't mean what he thought it did. "Are you saying that he shouldn't change, *I* should? I have to...get used to talk like that?"
Yoda nodded with his infuriatingly knowing grin. "True, this is," he said. "More desperate you are, so adapt *you* will."
Qui-Gon opened his mouth to rebut that logic, but shut it again upon realising the truth of the words. He *was* more desperate and he knew he would do what was necessary to get his dose of Jedi loving.
"Tell me what I have to learn," he sighed.
********
Obi-Wan looked up upon noticing Qui-Gon return to their quarters that morning. Jumping over to his Master, Obi-Wan curled his arms around the man and hugged him close.
"I love you, Master," he sighed lovingly. "The Force has guided us well. I feel a strong bond between our souls."
Qui-Gon stared down at the boy, mentally shaking his head in disbelief. He could hardly believe this was the same Padawan who was telling him that he wanted to empale his love sausage the night before.
"Obi-Wan," he began, untangling himself and guiding the boy over towards his bed. "I think the Force would like us to have some more intimate time together now."
Obi-Wan smiled in joy. "I sense it also, Master!" he cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping himself of his clothing.
Qui-Gon, catching up to events a little slower, began removing his own clothing and made his way onto the sheets next to his Padawan. He leaned over and began kissing Obi-Wan's lips, letting himself fall into the sensation as their naked bodies entwined together...
"OOOHH!! MASTER!!!! MASTER!!!!! STUFF IT DOWN HARDER!! THRUST IT MASTER!!!"
Qui-Gon winced and paused in his exploration of his Padawan's mouth. He took a deep breath, remembering what Yoda had told him.
"Err...Obi-Wan?" he said, positioning himself between the boy's spread legs, poised for entry.
"STUFF IT UP ME MASTER!!"
"Er, yes, I will in a moment," Qui-Gon began, feeling very awkward and embarrassed. "But first..." He took another deep breath. "First I would like to, er, know if you want my piece of man meat to skewer you?"
Obi-Wan looked up, meeting his Master's eyes. A wide, stunned grin of pleasure spread across his features. "OH YES MASTER!!!! YES!!!!!! SKEWER ME WITH YOUR MAN MEAT, MASTER!!!!"
Feeling slightly encouraged by how much his Padawan seemed to enjoy his tentative steps into a new vocabulary, Qui-Gon tried again. "Er...Obi-Wan-"
"CALL ME PADAWAN, MASTER!!!"
"Er...ok, *Padawan*," he tried again. He thrust his hips forward gently to push inside the boy. "I was wondering if you would like to tell me how much you would, er, like my giant pulsating organ of love, er, stuffed inside you?"
"I WANT IT BAD, MASTER!!! STUFF IT HARD!! STUFF THAT HARD SHAFT OF MANLINESS UP ME MASTER!!!!
Encouraged by the reaction he was receiving, Qui-Gon began a steady rhythm of thrusts, holding onto his Padawan's legs to keep them spread. Not that he really needed to as Obi-Wan was more than willing and certainly highly enthusiastic about this new change within him. Obi-Wan was clamped onto him like a limpet, arms and legs wrapped around his hips and shoulders respectively as the boy tried to jump his own body off the bed to meet each thrust.
"DO ME MASTER!!!! RAM THAT CUM SHOOTING ROCKET UP MY LOVE TUNNEL!!
Qui-Gon did as he was instructed and began thrusting harder and faster into the boy, feeling somewhat exhilarated at the dirtiness of the moment. He'd never considered himself a wild man in bed, but he had to admit, he was started to enjoy it. Getting caught up in the moment, he thought it was time to join in the conversation.
"Er...CAN YOU FEEL MY TURRET OF STEEL JABBING UP YOUR...er...HAPPY PLACE...?"
Not feeling that was quite the line he had hoped for, Qui-Gon gave a glance at Obi-Wan's expression. It seemed pleased.
"OH YES, MASTER!!!! I CAN!!!!!! JAB IT HARDER MASTER!!!! OHHHH!!!! MY HAPPY PLACE WANTS IT BAD MASTER!!!!"
Qui-Gon flinched at his embarrassing use of the term 'happy place' but decided that if Obi-Wan could work with it, so could he. Thrusting harder, he felt himself near orgasm and dropped his body lower to completely cover his Padawan's as the feeling coursed through him. He came as Obi-Wan twisted a final thrust of their hips together, bringing them both to climax with a shout and without, thankfully, words.
"Padawan?" panted Qui-Gon as they sprawled together over the crumpled sheets. "Let's take the afternoon off."
Obi-Wan, grinning like a kid at Christmas, nodded happily and snuggled further into his Master's arms. It was not long before an early afternoon nap overcame them both and a blessed silence filled the room.
********
Outside in the corridor, Yoda stood by the doorway of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's quarters, having finished his class. His little chuckle barely registered sound as he closed his mental eye from voyeuristically watching the scene that had taken place inside the room.
"Believe anything, they will," he said to himself as he turned to hobble towards his next class. "Too easy, it is!"
Chuckling happily to himself down the long corridor, he entered his next classroom, blessing the day the Jedi Order had become so awed by his wisdom that he could begin getting away with instating unusual sex education classes to pervert Masters and Padawans alike.
THE END.