Louis came running into the room, grinning proudly. Armand and Daniel were seated on a couch, being annoyed by Lestat's constant monologue about himself, and his need to be the centre of attention. Methos was sprawled magnificently over the room's other couch, while Duncan was having trouble finding a space which wasn't occupied by one of Methos' multi-talented limbs.
"Everyone! I found something for us to do! I never even realised we owned it!"
Lestat took a pause from his favourite past-time, and gave Louis a slightly uninterested look.
"That's nice, Louis, but I'm not bored. I could keep talking about myself for hours."
Daniel and Armand exchanged terrified glances.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!"
Lestat shot them a confused look.
"What do you mean by that? You can't honestly tell me that you don't want to hear about every detail of how wonderful The Vampire Lestat is," he said flamboyantly.
"Lestat, would you stop referring to yourself in third person. It is a sign of schizophrenia, you know," commented Methos innocently.
Lestat glared at him. Slightly put off, he turned to Louis and decided to encourage his companion.
"OK, Mon Cher...What wonderful thing have you found for us that will cure our apparent boredom....Not that I was bored."
"You might not have been, but the rest of us were. Then again anyone would be if they had to listen to you complementing yourself all day," commented Armand spitefully.
Duncan, seeing that the argument was about to turn a little violent, decided to be residential peace-maker. He quickly turned to Louis with an encouraging smile.
"Well, Louis. What have you found?"
Louis took his hands from behind his back, and shoved the offering forward onto coffee table in front of them.
"Cluedo!"
Everyone stared at the game, confused.
"Well, I for one was kind of hoping that it was something like a instruction kit on 101 ways to extract blood from a mortal. But this'll do, I suppose," commented Lestat.
"Don't lie. You hoped it was a copy of your book which we could all do a read-along for hours over," spat out Armand.
"Imp!"
"Brat!"
Daniel quickly pulled Armand back, away from Lestat.
"Armie, darl, let's just play Cluedo OK." He looked over to Lestat. "You too, Lestat. Go and find a couch with Louis and behave yourself."
Duncan brooded over having his role as peacemaker suddenly stolen, but decided it wasn't worth the argument.
"I agree. Methos, how about you?" he asked the five thousand year old immortal sprawling next to him.
"Um...Yeah...Why not," Methos replied.
"OK," Louis said, once they had all positioned themselves around the table. "Does everyone know how to play?"
"Well, of course I do," answered Lestat. 'I know everything."
"More like you know nothing but just won't admit it," Armand said matter-of-factly. "By the way, I know how to play, too," he said while shooting a competitive glare at Lestat, daring him to speak. Which he did.
"I know more!'
"I could beat you any night!"
"I've been playing for decades!'
"I invented the game!"
"OK, OK, you two," interrupted Louis. "That's enough. Give everyone else a chance to answer." He looked at the people in the room who hadn't spoken up yet.
Well....," said Methos, "I am quite willing to admit I actually do know, and so does MacLeod, because Richie taught us both on one particularly boring rainy day."
"Yeah," corroborated Duncan. "So how about we all get started. I buzz Mrs Peacock."
There were angry outbursts all over the room.
"You're always Mrs Peacock. Give someone else a go!" complained Methos.
"Yeah," said Daniel. "But I think my best move is to steal Miss Scarlett before anyone else does."
Daniel leant forward and picked up his scarlet counter and placed it on the board that Louis had just unfolded. Duncan followed suit, and placed his blue counter in its correct position.
"Excuse me," said Lestat indignantly. "Did I just miss out on the best counter? That's not fair! I'm the most beautiful out of all of you, so I should get the most beautiful counter. It makes sense."
Louis glared at him.
"Well, I think you should chose from what's left, Lestat. Don't be picky," he said abruptly.
Lestat looked around the room, surprised.
"What did I do? Why is he brooding at me this time? Really, you'd think he thought the world revolved around him or something."
"But it's actually you the world revolves around, isn't it, Lestat?" said Armand sarcastically.
"Of course, who else?" replied Lestat, confused.
Methos sat forward, and faced the blond-haired vampire.
"Are you blind, Lestat? He's angry at you because you said you were the most beautiful out of everyone in the room, not him," he explained.
Lestat sat back, shocked.
"Well, how was I meant to know that? He could have said something," he whined. He turned to Louis. 'Louis, my darling, I'm sorry, you are the most beautiful in the room. Only if I can be the most gorgeous," he added hopefully.
Louis stared poker-faced at him for a moment, then smiled.
"OK, fine, my love. I'll accept that."
"Can we get started, already?" interrupted Daniel. "Would everyone who doesn't have a counter, please take one?"
A few groans and glares followed this, as everyone took their counters. Methos took Reverent Green, on the basis that he was pretty sure he used to be a Reverent, and green matched his eyes. Louis opposed him, and claimed his eyes were more strikingly green than Methos', and he was famous for that fact. The argument was finally settled when Duncan pointed out that purple was a regal colour, so Methos should be Professor Plum instead. That appealed to the old immortal, and he grudgingly gave up Reverent Green on the basis that he had also been a professor, and was currently a grad student, so there was a theme there. Armand took Colonel Mustard, because the counter matched his hair. All that was left was Lestat who hadn't taken a counter yet, as he was too busy thinking about how gorgeous he was looking today. Suddenly he looked up, after being nudged by Louis, and stared at the board in shock.
"No way. I don't think so," he pronounced firmly. "There is no way in hell that I am going to be Mrs White! She's a pudgy cook, with shiny red cheeks who works in a kitchen!" he said disgustedly.
"Of course she works in a kitchen, you idiot," said Armand. "That's what being a cook implies."
"I'm surprised you know what a kitchen is, as I doubt you've even been in one in the last few centuries. And yes, I am referring to that 'Night Island' of yours,' retorted Lestat.
"Lestat, darling," interrupted Louis. "Just take Mrs White. It's not like you have any other choice. It's only a counter."
Lestat burst into a fit of indignant anger.
"Only a counter! Oh, yeah, you're just saying that because you got a good one. Mrs White is so bland! So ordinary! The counter's not even a colour, it's just a shade!" He turned to Louis with a pleading look. "Pleeeeease, can we swap? I can't play with something that has a rolling pin as its best weapon! It's humiliating! Degrading..."
"Oh..." started Louis, with a dangerous expression on his face. "I see. So Mrs White is not good enough for you, so you try and dump her on me? I have lower standards than you, do I?"
Louis' expression could have cut ice.
"Ummm.....Actually, that wasn't what I meant at all," said Lestat, knowing full well when he was looking extreme danger in the face. "I'll take Mrs White. Fine by me. Love her, actually. White's a very flattering shade. Very innocent. Yes...That's why I thought you'd like her. Innocence is all your thing..." he finished, rambling off into inaudibility.
*******
Finally, the board was set up, and they were ready to play. Louis decided that they would roll a dice to determine who starts, as they all knew that Lestat would insist he was first, if they didn't. The winner of the initial roll was Methos, who Duncan suspected had learnt a trick sometime in his life, which gave him the ability to shift the odds in his favour.
"OK," said Methos, shaking the dice in his hand. "Give us a six."
He threw the dice, and it clattered onto the board, knocking over Daniel's counter.
"Hey, watch it!"
"Sorry, but lady luck doesn't stop for anything," Methos replied with a cheeky grin, and pointed to the six that was face up on the dice.
"Damn him," mumbled Duncan, and then picked up the dice for his turn. He threw a five.
"I think that proves that I'm always one step ahead of you, MacLeod," commented Methos smugly.
Duncan just glared sulkily, and moved his counter.
Everyone took their turns from this point, until finally Armand was the first to reach a room. He gave Lestat a triumphant look before moving his counter into the Dining Room.
"Hmmm...." he said, pondering his move. Suddenly he noticed Lestat's counter was on its definite way to the Kitchen, and a evil expression came over his face.
"I call Mrs White, with the Lead Piping, into the Dining Room."
Lestat let out an angry splutter, as his counter was moved away from his original destination.
"You did that deliberately, you little imp! You knew I wanted to go to the kitchen!"
Armand stared calmly at the enraged vampire.
"Of course you wanted to go to the kitchen. That's where you belong, Mrs White. By the way, did I mention that I chose the lead piping because it was the closest thing to a rolling pin? I thought that might appeal to you."
Lestat nearly screamed in anger, then snatched his counter back from the Dining Room, and put it forcefully back on its original course.
"Lestat, my love,' said Louis calmly, 'You can't do that. It's against the rules."
"I can do what I want to!" Lestat replied stubbornly.
There was a pause while Louis contemplated his next attempt to calm Lestat down.
"Lestat. Look. It's just a game, and you have to play by the rules, otherwise I'm going to have to disqualify you." He stared at the golden haired vampire firmly. "That's another way of saying that you lose." Another meaningful glance followed this statement. "You don't want to lose, do you Lestat?" he added, knowing this would appeal to Lestat's sense of pride and stubbornness. He was right.
"Fine. I'll go to the Dining Room. See if I care."
Lestat picked up his counter, and nearly threw it back across the board. Armand smirked evilly at him.
"OK, you two, that's enough," said Louis. "Armand, you didn't say who that question was directed to."
"What?" said Armand, who had been distracted by his argument with Lestat. "Oh, that's right...Ummmm....Methos, answer please," he said to the man who had been amusingly watching the process of the Armand/Lestat drama.
"Oh, yeah..." Methos took a card from his pile, and secretively showed it to the auburn haired vampire.
Louis then looked around the room at the other players. "Whose turn is it now?"
***********
The game went smoothly for the next quarter of an hour, until suddenly...
"Lestat!"
The vampire looked up innocently.
"Yes, Louis?"
Louis glared at him. So did everyone else in the room.
"We all saw that, Lestat," accused Armand.
"Yeah, Lestat. You know you can't jump spaces on the board," said Daniel.
Lestat glared at Daniel. "Well, you would take sides with him, wouldn't you..."
Duncan decided it was time for his peace-maker job to take effect again, before a fight broke out.
"Lestat, I'm sure you had a good reason for jumping those spaces, so would you please like to explain it to us."
"Not that it'll help, as it's against the rules," muttered Methos, who was becoming increasingly impatient to have his turn. Unfortunately for him, he was always after Lestat, as Lestat was last in the order, and he was first.
"I heard that, Methos," said Duncan disapprovingly, "And while I agree with you, can we please give Lestat a chance to explain himself."
Everyone looked to Lestat, who had become increasingly defensive over the last few rounds.
"Well, It makes sense. I'm the strongest and most powerful out of all of you, which means I can travel faster than anyone. Therefore, I get to take two steps for every one of yours."
He looked around, daring anyone to contradict him. Which a certain auburn haired teenager did.
"You're also the fattest, Mrs White, so therefore you should be moving, or should I say, waddling slower than the rest of us."
Smirks greeted this, and Lestat was about to take on the whole room, when Louis quickly interrupted.
"OK, everyone." He turned to Lestat. "You will not move faster than the rest of us, so go back to where you should be." Lestat was about to start a full-scale whine, when Louis continued on. 'If you'd like a reason for that, then here it is: While you might be the strongest out of all of us, therefore you can move faster, you are also the slowest character. So it all evens out in the end."
He motioned Methos to have his turn, before Lestat could argue.
********
Once again, the game progressed relatively smoothly for a while longer, until the next inevitable incident occurred.
"Lestat!!"
"For Christ's sake!"
"Holy Allah!"
There was a pause.
"Sorry," said Methos. "Forgot what century I was in there for a second."
They all glared at Lestat again.
"Really, Lestat," said Louis. "This is getting out of hand."
Yeah, Lestat," said Daniel spitefully. "It is possible for you to just play by the rules for once?"
Lestat sat back, sulkily.
"Why is everyone picking on me today, anyway? That's not fair!"
"If you'd just cooperate for once, we wouldn't have to, my love," said Louis, his patience stretching to its limits, which was the best level of self control left in the room. He looked towards Duncan for help with the matter, as Duncan was the only other person who had made the effort to calm everyone down, at some stage.
"OK, Louis, I'll deal with this one," said Duncan, slightly wearily. He turned to Lestat. "Lestat. We all saw you just jump from one room into another, which is not a legal move. I don't know if you are doing this deliberately or not, and I hope it's the latter, as otherwise you are going to be a very sunburnt, very decapitated vampire by the end of this game. And I will do nothing to stop those responsible for your new look, if it happens. Do you understand?" he asked, using slow, carefully pronounced words, like he was speaking to a child. Lestat looked at him blank-faced.
"But, Duncan," he whined. "I have another reason. Don't you want to hear it?" he asked hopefully.
"You're stretching your luck there, Lestat," interrupted Daniel. He got a glare in return.
Everyone was silent while Duncan considered Lestat's question.
"OK, fine, Lestat," he finally said. "Let's hear it. Though I warn you, it better be good."
Lestat smiled winningly, and stretched out on his chair.
"Well...It makes sense this time, too, you know," he started. "I can jump whole rooms because I'm a vampire. And as a vampire, I can fly. Therefore, I can will myself to fly from one room to another, in just one move."
This was greeted with extremely dangerous expressions. Lestat began to think that he might be pressing his luck, as Daniel had mentioned.
"Lestat," said Louis, in a low, overly-calm voice. "No. Do you understand me. N.O. Two letters you seem to have a bit of a problem with, I notice."
Everyone in the room backed away slightly, suddenly wishing they were anywhere but in the war path of Louis' nearly-erupting anger. Even Lestat realised the danger he was in, as Louis was rarely seen angry.
"I just wanted a fun game," continued Louis, more to himself than anyone else. 'Cluedo, I thought. That can't possibly cause any problems. But Nooooo....That was asking too much, wasn't it? You lot can't control yourselves even in a friendly children's game!"
He jumped up from his chair in one swift movement, and stormed out of the room. Awkward silence followed this, as everyone left in the room tried to avoid each other's glances.
"OK, well I for one feel extremely bad, and I didn't really do anything," said Methos suddenly, breaking the silence.
"Same," said Daniel. "Maybe we should go after him and apologise."
"NO!" yelled Armand suddenly. They all stared at him, surprised. He calmed down slightly, and continued on. "All I meant to say, is that there is only one person in this room who should go after Louis and apologise. And here's a hint - it's not you Daniel. Or Methos, or Duncan, or me." He shot a meaningful glare at Lestat.
"Ohhh! Why me? Why is it always me who had to go and apologise to people?" Lestat whined.
Everyone looked at him like he was an idiot.
"I think the answer is in there somewhere, Lestat. Think about it," said Methos sarcastically.
After deciding that nothing was going to change their minds, Lestat jumped up from his chair in a huff, and stalked off in the direction Louis had left in. Everyone left in the room settled down, as they all knew this might be a long wait.
***********
A good half hour later, Lestat and Louis returned to the room. Louis was dragging Lestat by the scruff of his neck, but other than that, everything looked well. He pushed the blond vampire down in his chair, and turned to face the rest of the room's occupants.
"I'm sorry for my behaviour. Shall we continue?" he said calmly.
Everyone looked at him suspiciously, though no one was brave enough to say anything. Nodding was decided on as a neutral response, and the game began again.
Everything went well for the longest time up to date, though Daniel decided to bring a new aspect to the game, which he only thought of after he and Armand had to find a way to amuse themselves while Louis and Lestat were out of the room.
"I call Colonel Mustard, with the rope, into the Master Bedroom " said Daniel seductively, with a bold look to Armand, who suddenly began to turn bright red.
"Oooooohhh," whistled Methos cheekily. "Wonder what's going to happen in there.'
Armand almost bashfully moved his counter into the Master Bedroom, where Daniel used a paper key he had just made, to do a credible impression of locking the door.
They were then lost from the game for the next three rounds.
********
Meanwhile, the game still progressed, and Lestat had managed to keep out of trouble for the longest time in the whole game, and possibly his whole life. Methos was becoming increasingly annoyed with the vampire, as Lestat took extraordinary long times, each move, to decide on his question. A pondering expression suddenly appeared on Lestat's face.
"Hey, has anyone found out who the murderer is yet?" he asked as innocently as possible.
Everyone glared at him out of reflex, then settled down once they couldn't find anything worth arguing about. Duncan did a quick count around the room, of the various answers to the question.
"Nope. Doesn't look like it," he concluded.
Lestat broke out into a wide grin.
"Yesss!" he yelled. "Good. I hope it's me! I'm the most evil one here, so I should get to be the murderer!"
"Actually, if you are judging that on how many people you have killed, then that isn't actually correct," said Methos. His eyes glazed. "Because, I didn't kill fifty, I didn't kill a hundred, I killed a thousand. I killed ten thou..."
"OK, Methos!" interjected Duncan quickly. "We've heard this one before, and you win, OK? Really, sometimes you're as bad as Lestat when it comes to talking about yourself."
Methos looked at him, slightly put off. That speech was his favourite, and one of his longest speeches that he always liked to recite to people. He had been pretty proud back when he had managed to remember it all. He'd celebrated with a beer for each time he'd said it correctly, and the next morning, had adeptly forgotten the whole lot, due to one massive hangover.
He glared at Duncan.
"Hah, do you know he just compared you to me?" interrupted Lestat, with an evil grin on his face. "Oh, don't you feel honoured that we have something in common, though luckily the comparison had nothing to do with your nose," he added cheekily, deliberately baiting the old immortal. It worked.
"That's it!"
Methos grabbed Professor Plum, ran the counter over to collect the dagger, and started it on an unstoppable hurtle over to Lestat's Mrs White counter. He then began a spirited attempt at sawing Mrs White's head off, with the little plastic dagger.
"Hey!" Lestat yelled, shocked. "Leave me alone!"
"I think we all know who the murderer is now," commented Armand smoothly, while grinning at Lestat's sudden rage.
Then a full scale war broke out.
Duncan joined forces with Methos, and they began an ambush on any counter who couldn't get out of the way in time. Lestat grabbed Mrs White, and made a run for the revolver. Louis' Reverent Green tripped the white counter up, halfway to its destination, and held a spanner around its neck, while Duncan's Mrs Peacock and Methos' Professor Plum caught up. Methos wielded the dagger expertly in Professor Plum's capable, though non-existent hands. Half of Mrs White's head was then sawed off, to the sound of Lestat's screams of rage.
**********
Half and hour later, the board looked like it had been involved in a vicious shark attack. Mrs White's head was somewhere on its way down to Methos' stomach, and Professor Plum looked like he needed a good sand-papering. Reverent Green and Louis were glaring at everyone who came near them, and Mrs Peacock and Duncan were recovering after they had both been attacked by a plastic miniature candlestick.
A great deal of panting and groaning filled the room.
Suddenly everyone realised that two of them were left untouched. As one, they turned their heads to the far couch.
"You've got to be joking," muttered Lestat painfully, after managing to dislodge the lead piping from his ear. He stared at the couch.
Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlett were still locked in the Master Bedroom, and their owners, tangled on the couch, were blissfully unaware that the game had even ended.
Another silence followed this, as everyone found themselves a more comfortable position to recover in.
Then suddenly a lone voice spoke.
"Well, who's for Monopoly next week?"